Monday, June 28, 2010

Week 4 living at Douglas LOWS

Week 4 started off not so great. Within the first 2 hours of being with the kids Sunday, I cried. I felt super discouraged and the boys did not have nice things to say to me. They were rowdy and loud and fighting and hyper and difficult. I spent all of Sunday morning and mid afternoon just sad and arguing in my head with God over why I even needed to live at this children's home in the first place. I kept yelling things like, "Why do I have to take care of 14 kids? Why now? Why me? Couldn't someone else do a better job of this? Someone who speaks more spanish? Someone who has been a mom before? The kids would be fine if I left. Someone else would take care of them. It wouldnt be that bad if I left. " But honestly I know that none of that is true. It is all lies from the enemy. Pray for me. This job is rough.

Today one of my 4 year old boys was on the swings and somehow got ejected from them and fell on this face and smashed up his nose really really bad. Blood. Everywhere. And I didn't even see it happen. I was changing a diaper inside. But I feel like it's my fault. I'm supposed to be watching him and protecting him. But I can't be in 14 different places at one time. I only stretch so much.

Pray for my boys. Pray for me.

On a positive note - Adrian did his homework today without fighting me. He just walked over, got his backpack and did it. That's victory.

3 comments:

Mindy Sue said...

You are an amazing woman full of life and love for those kids! I'm sure that the few human errors on your part are worth having you in their lives. I'm praying for you and your boys. LOVES!

Eric Bergh said...

Caroline, Quin just put me in touch with your blog! What a blessing! You will be in our prayers, and if there is anything we can do to help with getting you some windows let us know! You definitely need them - particularly with horses 50 yards away. May God continue to give you all the grace, wisdom, strength and encouragement that you need. Give Quinnie a hug for me!

Peggy said...

Caroline, Cindy told me you were at Douglas as a caretaker so I had to read about the challenges and trials. I was down there in Feb and really loved those little guys, especially the two youngest. I will pray for you and those 14 boys. Thank you for having a servants heart.