Where the Wild Things are

There is just something about my boys' silliness and wild outbursts of laughter, jokes, spinning in circles uncontrollably, pretending to fly while landing flat on their faces and blowing bubbles in their milk that I absolutely love.

This past week another one of the orphanage workers noticed how energetic and down right crazy the boys were acting at dinner. The entire table was uncontrollably laughing and goofing around, pretending to make farting noises and doing everything except eating their dinner. At multiple points, I the "adult in charge" just sat back and laughed with them. The other caregiver said, "what in the world did you give them?!!?!?" I like to think that I'm giving them a plateful of attention, with a glass of my own jokes, a spoonful of stories and the freedom to have some imagination.

These precious little boys can't even be serious when they are on the toilet. After dinner, I had a whole army singing about spiders and swaying back and forth as they sat on the toilets, 3 pre-schoolers all in a row singing and swaying like drunken miniature pirates.

I'm finding that all too often, orphans lose their playfulness, joy and imagination far too prematurely for their physical age. They grow up too fast because their abandonment forces them to. I'm grateful to see evidence of the contrary every now and again... even if it means a little chaos.

The impossible

It is with extreme excitement and joy that I post the following prayer request....

We now have reason to believe that with the new laws in the state of Nuevo Leon regarding the rights of minors living in orphanages, several of the sweet little faces I see everyday might become adoptable sometime in the next few months or years. I am not known by anyone to be patient. I don't exactly have the best track record in "waiting patiently for the Lord" like the Bible tells us to do over and over again. But I do believe God is answering some of my prayers and some of your prayers with this advancement. What was once impossible - to actually see a parent's rights to a child who they haven't visited or provided for in YEARS be severed - is looking and sounding like it might actually be possible. You see, many of the sweet children I care for daily have spent years of their lives without being visited by a single family member. Yet, those same family members - mom or dad - still hold the parental rights to the child - which leaves the child stuck in an orphanage for their entire childhood and without the legal "go ahead" to be considered "adoptable." To me, that is a crime. These sweet children need to have their rights defended and at some point have their "voice" be legally heard.

Thus, would you join me in trying to be ardent in prayer and to wait with eager anticipation for God to open some legal doors for my favorite orphans out of 170 some odd million orphans around the world? Some of my little men, will never go live with their families. They will never know what it would have been like to grow up in a family. They will never have their "mom" or "dad" attend a school function when all the other parents come to celebrate their children's accomplishments. But if the new law is enforced and their individual cases examined, I do believe that with God's hand moving some things around, some of these precious children could become adoptable. Please pray with me.

A new kind of request

"Caroline do you have another one for me? I finished the last one already. Can I trade it for a new one?"

During my 4 years here in Mexico, I've been asked questions like the above almost daily regarding donation shoes or clothes because they don't like their old ones anymore. These days however, the kids at Casa Hogar Douglas are asking me for something other than clothes - they are asking for BOOKS. The past few months, one 10 year old and one 11 year old boy read Diary of a Wimpy Kid for fun, on their own, in their free time. I believe those particular boys reading is the fruit of me forcing them to read in the afternoons all last year. But now another group of children in the orphanage have started reading on their own. The oldest girls dorm has started asking for fun chapter books to read. They come to my car and ask to trade out their books. Some are finishing a book each day.

If you ask me, God is letting his blessings just rain down on the lives of these children through literacy. I am determined to see more of these children be at grade level. Reading is the key. They can't complete their assignments for any other subject if they can't effectively read and write.

I am so thankful for the abundant resources we've been given over the years. We already have a library at Douglas. We already have a ton of books. We just didn't have any kids interested in reading anything. I think the tide has changed. The "build it and they will come" concept seems to be on full display right before my eyes.

Yesterday, I witnessed an 8 year old boy who has never been to school a day in his life read a Dr. Seuss book. I like to think that I had a small role in his learning to read these past 2 months. Just incredible - doesn't matter who you are - I think God wants the kids at Douglas to read.

And to think.... the spark that set this all rolling was a 4 year old boy 16 months ago who fell in love with Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?

Pray their love for reading grows and matures. Pray that more of the girls would start reading for fun. Pray that a miracle would happen in the oldest boys dorm and that even one boy would desire to read. Pray for more titles to be available in spanish. The boys want more of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series but only 5 of the 8 books are translated in spanish. The Nate series would be great for a ton of the boys but it's not available in spanish. Pray we'd find something to spark their interest. Pray for God to be glorified as their knowledge grows.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from my house to yours!

I was able to bring some of the boys from Douglas over to my house for a few days of their Christmas break from school. We made lots of ornaments and talked about how Christmas day is actually Jesus' birthday. At first, they said I was lying about that - that Christmas day couldn't possibly be anyone's actually birthday. But I was persistent and won the debate.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

2 boys have finished book 4!!

Just to encourage anyone who is reading this.... miracles do happen. Not one but TWO of the boys - Miguel age 10 and Jonathan age 11 - have now read the first 4 books in the series - Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They read them for fun. They fight over the books for who gets to read first or who gets to take the copy to school with them.

That's down right INCREDIBLE!!! These precious children are soooo smart and have the potential to do and study and be literally anything they want to be in this life.

Pray for the rest of the boys in this dorm to catch the reading bug. Cesareo is thinking about it. He picked up the first book in the series.

When they fall apart

Some of the orphans we serve have a mom. Some of the orphans we serve get to spend the weekend or a holiday with their families every once in a while. Others children never go anywhere and no one ever visits them. After these visits or trips to “mom’s” house, the family member leaves them again. As one might expect, this is repetitively traumatic for the kids. Over my years here in Monterrey working at the specific orphanage I work at, I’ve seen this more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve been asked too many times by a mother to pry her screaming toddler off of her so that she can leave without him chasing her down the driveway. I’ve had screaming children pee on me in this process. It’s their nightmare. And for some, it happens frequently. Their little hearts just shatter. And I’m left restraining the child as we both just cry it out.

Sometimes the small child is dropped off by their mom while still asleep so that the child wakes up alone, in an orphanage, only to realize that she’s gone again.

This happened to one of my little men last week on the day I was in charge of his dorm.

I didn’t realize it at first. I woke him up from his nap because he had been asleep for far too long. And he just cried. He cried so pathetically. It seemed unlike him. He wouldn’t speak to me. My 5 year old little man cried on the floor of the bathroom with me sitting next to him begging him to use his words and tell me what was wrong. Nope. He just sobbed and screamed. So I decided to try a new location. I moved him to a different room and tried to hug him. I had to force his arms around me to hug me because he wouldn’t move. This went on for at least 20 minutes.

“What is wrong? …. Are you just sleepy? Are you still mad at me for putting you in time out hours ago? Are you mad at the big boys? What happened? Use your words please. Why are you sad?”

“Are you sad because you are back in the orphanage again?”

Finally he said yes to one of my questions.

I had forgotten that his mom had dropped him off at his pre-school and that the orphanage workers had taken him back to the orphanage at the end of the pre-school day. It was Tuesday, his usual “adjustment day” to being back at the orphanage. So he takes a nap, wakes up and realizes that this is real life…. The orphanage again.

Fighting back my own tears, I held him and told him that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to miss your mom. It stinks that he has to live in an orphanage. And that I bet his mom misses him too. I bet she’ll change her life soon so that you can go home with her forever. I know someday soon you’ll get to go home with her forever. She loves you so much. You are her only child. You are her favorite. She probably can’t wait to be with you again. (I’m not actually sure any of that is true but that’s what I told him). And you know that I love you so much. Actually, God sent me here to be with you because God loves you so much. God is never going to leave you alone. He will always be with you. He loves you so much. He sent me to help take care of you and to love you. You are why I’m in this country.

After all that, he decided to talk to me again. On a side note, can I just mention how difficult it is to take care of 10 child at once in a foreign language who WON’T TALK TO ME from time to time?!? Or how just throw all of their anger at me for every hurt in their lives? No one ever said this would be easy.

The meltdown from this little man in particular surprised me a bit. I didn’t think he was capable of such emotions anymore. I thought he had already hardened his heart to his mom and her constantly abandoning him. But he hasn’t. I kept silently thanking God for keeping this little one’s heart soft. It’s was actually a very healthy reaction that I haven’t seen in him for over a year now.

Would you please pray for a full time Christian therapist to serve this home? Would you pray for the funding- one time gift for the year or monthly specific giving to hire someone? Would you pray for the right person to come along to help these children cope and process their stories?

Jesus you are the great counselor. You know the pain that these orphans deal with on a daily basis. We know that you are the only one who can heal their broken hearts. God thank you for the ways that you love these children. Thank you for the people you send to love them in your name. Jesus would you send us someone who will use your Word, who will use Biblical principles to help these children heal? God break down the barriers that prevent us from giving these children that specific outlet for their emotions. Jesus make a way. Send us the right person or persons. You own the cattle on a thousand hills God. You got this.

Candlelight Service at Douglas Church

This week, we have a really fun group of women serving with us here in Monterrey to celebrate Christmas with the children in the orphanages. They bake cookies, help the kids make ornaments, decorate christmas trees, sing Christmas carols, put up christmas lights, watch christmas movies, and they bring a lot of presents. Basically, they are santa's elves. And our LDM building becomes "Santa's Workshop" for a week. It's a total blast for everyone involved.

But this year at Douglas, after dinner, presents, decorating cookies and ornaments we went up to the church to have a time of carols and some worship.

Then they gave every single child a candle and we sang silent night in english and spanish.

My little man, Oziel who is 5 years old said it best, "Caroline!! Look!! Look around Caroline!! It's so beautiful!!" It was definitely a first for the Douglas church. All the workers were so nervous. But the kids loved it. It was beautiful.

And we didn't burn the place down - total miracle.

Miguel read an ENTIRE chapter book

Twice each week, I work for one of the full time caregivers at Casa Hogar Douglas so that they can have a day of rest. The workers leave and I'm in charge. Thus, I am in charge of our daily schedule, chores, procedures, activities - more or less.

The boys hated homework time. Many could hardly read at all which only made homework more painful because their assignments were often above their skill level. They often wouldn't complete all of their homework and almost always skipped the assignment to "read for 15 minutes daily" and then get a signature. We as the ministry of Back2Back hope and dream that each of these children would one day be able to go to high school or college. Seeing day after day how far behind they were in school only made me nervous for their academic futures.

It was about one year ago when I decided to try to force my "big boys" (the dorm of boys ages 9 to 11) to read extra in addition to their homework. They needed it so badly. I am in charge of them for an entire day. If they aren't reading, it's 1/7th my fault. I was scared of their reaction so I twisted their arms by allowing them to play with my N64 after they took turns reading books for me. At first, they whined and complained. They'd read because they wanted to play video games.

As the months went by, the boys completely expected this as part of our daily routine. The concept of "read to play" became engrained in their minds. It got easier to get them to read for me. Some read so poorly that they could hardly finish reading one page of a story in 15 minutes but their confidence levels improved.

I was in charge of this dorm this past Friday and decided to test out how well they'd respect my books if I left a few with them to use for the reading part of their homework later in the next week. When I returned on Monday to take care of them again for the whole day so their caregivers could rest, I was absolutely shocked to find every single book still in the dorm and in good condition.

But then one of the 10 year olds told me something that honestly almost made me cry. He said he finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid over the weekend on his own. Friday night, I had a hard time putting him to bed because he wanted to sit in the bathroom where the light was still on so he could keep reading even though the entire dorm was in bed.

THE WHOLE BOOK. He read the ENTIRE book!!!!! His first ever big boy chapter book!

He loved it. He thought it was hilarious.

When I told him that a donor had just given me the books for the entire series literally that same day he smiled ear to ear and asked if I'd bring him the next book so he could start reading it that same day.

Unless you've struggled and battled to get your own child to read (which my mother did with me my entire childhood) you might not be able to comprehend how huge this is. But to see it in an orphanage dorm with a child who I can guarantee never had a book read to him as a little boy growing up is insane to me.

One year later, one of the 10 boys in that dorm likes to read for fun.

I've decided that if he reads all 5 books in the series that I'm going to give his entire dorm a pizza party one weekend. Miguel has already told me many times that he hopes and dreams to study and go to high school and college someday. He's said that he wants to be a psychologist to help people with their problems. As much as I like to think that I believe in him and that I'm his biggest fan - I don't even come close to loving him like God does. God is this little boy's biggest fan and I can imagine God just cheering Miguel on as he reads. Thank you God that one of these boys likes to read. Thank you Jesus for video games and the pull it has on little boys. Thank you God that this is working even if it's just one boy.

Miguel, buddy, I believe in you and in your dreams. I can't wait to see the man you'll become years from now. I am so unbelievably proud of you.

When they say, "Thank you"

My thoughts this past week revolved around Thanksgiving. I figured that I'd write a post or two about things I'm thankful for.... seemed appropriate. This was my 4th Thanksgiving in a row spent at a Mexican orphanage. I've been blessed for the past 4 years to live outside of the prosperity that I'd grown accustomed to after spending my entire life in a well to do Floridian beach community. Living in Mexico has really opened my eyes to some many things that I've taken for granted - like clean water, electricity, education, public safety, and my family. But tucking my boys in last night left such a big impact on me that I've decided to share about that instead...

My boys in the orphanage where I work say, "thank you," from time to time. Sometimes they say it because I've refused to serve them juice in the dining hall unless they use the special, "please" and "thank you" words. Other times it's because I've brought them some fruit from my fridge for a snack. But last night, one of the boys really caught me off guard with his simple words of gratitude.

All I did was tuck him into his bed last night. I had made up his bed with some clean sheets and helped the little man get under his covers. He seemed kind of surprised by the act and looked me straight in the eye and just said, "thank you." It was as if he was saying, "you didn't need to do that for me."

Of course I told him, "you're welcome. Would you like to pray before you fall asleep?" He agreed and we prayed.

There is just something altogether not right when an 8 year old thanks someone for tucking him into bed. When did I ever thank my mother for tucking me in?

I'm learning a lot these days about how our heavenly Father delights in us as his children. I'm learning more about what that means - because I sincerely delight in the presence of these precious children. I think that's how God must feel when He thinks of us. I hope and pray everyday that these little ones will feel loved - that they'll feel wanted and cared for and payed attention to enough - and some for the first time in their lives - to feel loved enough here on this earth to be able to believe and see how much their heavenly Father adores them. He created each one and made each one perfect. I guess for now, that is why I'm here. That's why I work the hours that I do. That's why I serve these kids. At the end of the day, if my boys feel loved then I guess I've succeeded in something.

God you so passionately love and adore each one of my boys. It is so clear and obvious to see the ways that you provide for them, fight for them and hurt for them. I pray that in this Christmas season, in and amongst all the gifts that they'll receive, that they'd feel loved by the people who matter most - to help them understand and be able to feel how much you love them. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Time to just pray

This morning, like every Tuesday morning, I had the privilege of getting the little boys from Douglas out of their beds and ready for school. Sammy has been going with me for months now to help the inevitable craziness of trying to provide quality care in the institutionalized environment that these boys call home. After the boys' breakfast though, we got to talking about one boy in particular. And if I'm honest with you, which I will be... I'm completely sick of the lack of forward movement for this little man. I'm fed up. I'm over it. I want action on his behalf and I want it now.

Wouldn't it be a shame if this beautiful little child stayed in an orphanage for the next 10 years of his life? I believe it would be. Would you join me in praying for him? Would you pray that the government would produce a "real" birth certificate.... apparently the one he got last year from the pre-school is a fake and has the wrong birthday. He's already spent 4 years in an orphanage without a birth certificate and without a family and without any forward progress from social services. God is the only one here who can change his cards. Let's pray this little man into a family.

Perhaps this Christmas season we could give little Alex a gift - prayers for a hope of a brighter future. God please send heavenly angels to fight on his behalf in the heavenly realms. Join me. It's time to fight.

A First

This past week I had the opportunity to introduce reading to several little girls who were recently dropped off at a children's home we serve. After hearing a snippet of their case history, I was pretty sure that no adult had ever read a story to them before in their entire lives.

So I brought a few books and just started reading. They weren't sure what to do at first. Should they just listen to me or look at the pictures? They chose the first, with their huge eyes just staring at me as I read. Honestly, I think they were shocked that I spoke spanish. After a few stories, their eyes shifted over to the pictures. They were captivated. They giggled. Their eyes got big.

And that was all it took because now I'm pretty sure they are hooked.

We read about 10 books. Several of the Eric Carl's were read 2 and 3 times each per their request.

And then the 4 year old decided to read to me. She had already memorized Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see?

I'm not a teacher. But my mom is. She read to me when I was little. She taught me. Orphans need someone to read to them. They need one on one time and attention. I hope and pray that the little boys who I read anywhere from 10 to 30 books each week to are going to repeat the cycle of reading to their own kids one day.

But now I'm hooked. I'm hooked to the thrill they get when they hear a story read for the very first time. Something inside of them just lights up. It's so simple yet so huge for their development.

Mom, thanks for reading to me. Thanks for all the trips to the public library. Thanks for reading Inside Outside Over There about 10,000 times. Thank you for making me read for an hour every day in the summer even though I hated it. Thanks for paying me in high school to read the same books that my 9 year old brother was reading. And thank you for buying books in Spanish for my boys. You never quit.

50 cents

What would you guess that a 7 year old would buy with 50 cents? I'll bet you didn't guess fireworks. And I'll bet you didn't guess that he could buy them at school. Well me neither. But my 7 year old brought them to my house this weekend and insisted that we light them off as soon as it was dark. So after bath time, complete with Toy Story PJs, I did what any respectable parent would do. I let him blow stuff up, in front of his little brothers.

David held his ears.

And boy was it fun.

Happy 5th Birthday Oziel

"How old are you?!" - I'm 5

So much could be said about this little man. He's spent half of his childhood in 3 different orphanages. He's had more turnover in orphanage caregiver who was responsible for him in these past few years than I probably had with babysitters. But for some reason, God has caused our paths to connect and Oziel has spent almost half of his birthdays by coming to my apartment for the weekend. Actually, last year on his 4th birthday was the first time he asked if he could spend the night at my house and not go back to the orphanage after a play date. It was the first time I ever asked permission and the first time he ever stayed over. This year for his 5th birthday - of course we kept that record going. In the past year, I've spent more time with these boys than I ever could have imagined - Oziel's sibling set actually spends almost every single weekend at my house at this point but we specifically celebrated Oziel's 5th birthday on that particular weekend with ice cream, pizza, swimming, the trampoline, and of course - Monster trucks for his bday.

In the past year, Oziel has learned to count, in kindergarten Oziel knows more letters of the alphabet than some of the first graders at Douglas, knows his colors and is learning to write his name. He has memorized at least 20 books and is a wizard when it comes to puzzles.

One of my proudest moments this past year was the afternoon that he learned to swim in the big pool with his water wings. He's like a little fish these days.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." ~ Isaiah 64:4

Prerequisites to Success

I'm sure that you've heard a million times that reading is FUNDAMENTAL to learning. Imagine a 3rd or 5th grader trying to tackle his math word problems for homework but has no idea what the problem is because he can't read so he waits for you to read it to him and help him set up the math. This scene is far too common place for me to stomach sometimes. But orphans in orphanages don't always get the amount of individualized attention they need to succeed academically. This is a HUGE deal when you consider that the ticket out for these kids is their education.

When I was little, my mom took me to the public library every single week to pick out all my favorite books. I recently tried to find my original copies of all my favorite childhood stories and realized that we never actually owned most of them but rather we just checked them out of the library over and over again. My mom read to me before bed. As I got older, she required that me and my siblings read for one hour every summer afternoon - like it or not. She was onto something here...

Day after day here at the institution I work at, seeing the night and day difference between my academic upbringing and the snip its of time orphans receive for reading instruction - if at all - got me thinking. Add to the situation the fact that public libraries in Mexico are a foreign concept for the kids.

I am in charge of different dorms of kids on different days so I decided about a year ago to start incorporating reading into my day with the boys. It was easy with the little guys because they LOVE sitting in your lap and hearing a story read out loud but I was nervous about the 9 to 12 year old bunch. They have surprised me because they actually love it. They laugh as they comprehend funny parts of the stories. They smile. They don't hate reading like I thought they would. We read out loud for 20 minutes and then they are allowed to play my N64. These 20 minutes which can sometimes go on for an hour when certain boys want to take their 20 minutes of reading individually by reading out loud to me is honestly my favorite part of my entire day with this dorm.

Many of the books that we read on a weekly basis have been donated my several of you readers I'm sure. Thank you for shopping online or in bookstores for children's books in spanish. Thank you for donating to these kids' futures.

Conduit

Days like yesterday, when I get to be with my 10 boys from sun up to sun down, have a way of surprising me at times. I'm not sure why I'm not "used to it" by now or why I sometimes have to metaphorically step back to gain a better perspective. But God is doing something through me. And what He is doing through me is doing something in me. I've never really been a kid person. If someone asked me to do some kids ministry to help them out, I'd probably giggle and say, "Me!? Are you serious? No, I'm not good with kids. Ask someone else." But when it comes to the least of these, I don't think whatever box we have chosen to put ourselves in seems to matter much to God. Yesterday I was reminded of exactly why I live here.

Twice a week, I take over all the caregiving for a dorm of 10 boys so that those caregivers can have a true day off to rest. It's a lot of work, but at the end of the day, the joy these kids give me far outweighs my physical exhaustion. These precious children have a way of blessing me in and amongst all the craziness.

Their smiles, giggles, behavioral outbursts, when one tells me that he loves me as much as from here to the sky, their psychological conditions that they carry as a result of abuse or their abandonment, their tiny little hands, the 7 year old who is learning to read, my pre-schoolers who can almost write their names, the way they misbehave if I'm not paying enough attention to them, my 4 year old who is weirdly obsessed with ears all of a sudden, when all 10 of them try to hide from me all at once in the church and another 4 year old tries to tell on them saying, "they were up there hiding in that place where we worship God," because he doesn't know that it's called a church, their cranky fits at dinner.....

I could go on and on.

But God has something going on here. I don't need to understand it.

I feel like some kind of conduit . God is passionately loving these precious children and he's doing it through me. It's a feeling that can probably only be described by a parent with their toddler- The way they love them.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who is passionate about the least of these. The world might try to ignore them or classify them as a charity but not God. He knows them each by name. He has promised to never leave them or forsake them and to be their father.

He made them.

He made them beautiful.