Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas from my house to yours!

I was able to bring some of the boys from Douglas over to my house for a few days of their Christmas break from school. We made lots of ornaments and talked about how Christmas day is actually Jesus' birthday. At first, they said I was lying about that - that Christmas day couldn't possibly be anyone's actually birthday. But I was persistent and won the debate.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

2 boys have finished book 4!!

Just to encourage anyone who is reading this.... miracles do happen. Not one but TWO of the boys - Miguel age 10 and Jonathan age 11 - have now read the first 4 books in the series - Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They read them for fun. They fight over the books for who gets to read first or who gets to take the copy to school with them.

That's down right INCREDIBLE!!! These precious children are soooo smart and have the potential to do and study and be literally anything they want to be in this life.

Pray for the rest of the boys in this dorm to catch the reading bug. Cesareo is thinking about it. He picked up the first book in the series.

When they fall apart

Some of the orphans we serve have a mom. Some of the orphans we serve get to spend the weekend or a holiday with their families every once in a while. Others children never go anywhere and no one ever visits them. After these visits or trips to “mom’s” house, the family member leaves them again. As one might expect, this is repetitively traumatic for the kids. Over my years here in Monterrey working at the specific orphanage I work at, I’ve seen this more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve been asked too many times by a mother to pry her screaming toddler off of her so that she can leave without him chasing her down the driveway. I’ve had screaming children pee on me in this process. It’s their nightmare. And for some, it happens frequently. Their little hearts just shatter. And I’m left restraining the child as we both just cry it out.

Sometimes the small child is dropped off by their mom while still asleep so that the child wakes up alone, in an orphanage, only to realize that she’s gone again.

This happened to one of my little men last week on the day I was in charge of his dorm.

I didn’t realize it at first. I woke him up from his nap because he had been asleep for far too long. And he just cried. He cried so pathetically. It seemed unlike him. He wouldn’t speak to me. My 5 year old little man cried on the floor of the bathroom with me sitting next to him begging him to use his words and tell me what was wrong. Nope. He just sobbed and screamed. So I decided to try a new location. I moved him to a different room and tried to hug him. I had to force his arms around me to hug me because he wouldn’t move. This went on for at least 20 minutes.

“What is wrong? …. Are you just sleepy? Are you still mad at me for putting you in time out hours ago? Are you mad at the big boys? What happened? Use your words please. Why are you sad?”

“Are you sad because you are back in the orphanage again?”

Finally he said yes to one of my questions.

I had forgotten that his mom had dropped him off at his pre-school and that the orphanage workers had taken him back to the orphanage at the end of the pre-school day. It was Tuesday, his usual “adjustment day” to being back at the orphanage. So he takes a nap, wakes up and realizes that this is real life…. The orphanage again.

Fighting back my own tears, I held him and told him that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to miss your mom. It stinks that he has to live in an orphanage. And that I bet his mom misses him too. I bet she’ll change her life soon so that you can go home with her forever. I know someday soon you’ll get to go home with her forever. She loves you so much. You are her only child. You are her favorite. She probably can’t wait to be with you again. (I’m not actually sure any of that is true but that’s what I told him). And you know that I love you so much. Actually, God sent me here to be with you because God loves you so much. God is never going to leave you alone. He will always be with you. He loves you so much. He sent me to help take care of you and to love you. You are why I’m in this country.

After all that, he decided to talk to me again. On a side note, can I just mention how difficult it is to take care of 10 child at once in a foreign language who WON’T TALK TO ME from time to time?!? Or how just throw all of their anger at me for every hurt in their lives? No one ever said this would be easy.

The meltdown from this little man in particular surprised me a bit. I didn’t think he was capable of such emotions anymore. I thought he had already hardened his heart to his mom and her constantly abandoning him. But he hasn’t. I kept silently thanking God for keeping this little one’s heart soft. It’s was actually a very healthy reaction that I haven’t seen in him for over a year now.

Would you please pray for a full time Christian therapist to serve this home? Would you pray for the funding- one time gift for the year or monthly specific giving to hire someone? Would you pray for the right person to come along to help these children cope and process their stories?

Jesus you are the great counselor. You know the pain that these orphans deal with on a daily basis. We know that you are the only one who can heal their broken hearts. God thank you for the ways that you love these children. Thank you for the people you send to love them in your name. Jesus would you send us someone who will use your Word, who will use Biblical principles to help these children heal? God break down the barriers that prevent us from giving these children that specific outlet for their emotions. Jesus make a way. Send us the right person or persons. You own the cattle on a thousand hills God. You got this.

Candlelight Service at Douglas Church

This week, we have a really fun group of women serving with us here in Monterrey to celebrate Christmas with the children in the orphanages. They bake cookies, help the kids make ornaments, decorate christmas trees, sing Christmas carols, put up christmas lights, watch christmas movies, and they bring a lot of presents. Basically, they are santa's elves. And our LDM building becomes "Santa's Workshop" for a week. It's a total blast for everyone involved.

But this year at Douglas, after dinner, presents, decorating cookies and ornaments we went up to the church to have a time of carols and some worship.

Then they gave every single child a candle and we sang silent night in english and spanish.

My little man, Oziel who is 5 years old said it best, "Caroline!! Look!! Look around Caroline!! It's so beautiful!!" It was definitely a first for the Douglas church. All the workers were so nervous. But the kids loved it. It was beautiful.

And we didn't burn the place down - total miracle.

Miguel read an ENTIRE chapter book

Twice each week, I work for one of the full time caregivers at Casa Hogar Douglas so that they can have a day of rest. The workers leave and I'm in charge. Thus, I am in charge of our daily schedule, chores, procedures, activities - more or less.

The boys hated homework time. Many could hardly read at all which only made homework more painful because their assignments were often above their skill level. They often wouldn't complete all of their homework and almost always skipped the assignment to "read for 15 minutes daily" and then get a signature. We as the ministry of Back2Back hope and dream that each of these children would one day be able to go to high school or college. Seeing day after day how far behind they were in school only made me nervous for their academic futures.

It was about one year ago when I decided to try to force my "big boys" (the dorm of boys ages 9 to 11) to read extra in addition to their homework. They needed it so badly. I am in charge of them for an entire day. If they aren't reading, it's 1/7th my fault. I was scared of their reaction so I twisted their arms by allowing them to play with my N64 after they took turns reading books for me. At first, they whined and complained. They'd read because they wanted to play video games.

As the months went by, the boys completely expected this as part of our daily routine. The concept of "read to play" became engrained in their minds. It got easier to get them to read for me. Some read so poorly that they could hardly finish reading one page of a story in 15 minutes but their confidence levels improved.

I was in charge of this dorm this past Friday and decided to test out how well they'd respect my books if I left a few with them to use for the reading part of their homework later in the next week. When I returned on Monday to take care of them again for the whole day so their caregivers could rest, I was absolutely shocked to find every single book still in the dorm and in good condition.

But then one of the 10 year olds told me something that honestly almost made me cry. He said he finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid over the weekend on his own. Friday night, I had a hard time putting him to bed because he wanted to sit in the bathroom where the light was still on so he could keep reading even though the entire dorm was in bed.

THE WHOLE BOOK. He read the ENTIRE book!!!!! His first ever big boy chapter book!

He loved it. He thought it was hilarious.

When I told him that a donor had just given me the books for the entire series literally that same day he smiled ear to ear and asked if I'd bring him the next book so he could start reading it that same day.

Unless you've struggled and battled to get your own child to read (which my mother did with me my entire childhood) you might not be able to comprehend how huge this is. But to see it in an orphanage dorm with a child who I can guarantee never had a book read to him as a little boy growing up is insane to me.

One year later, one of the 10 boys in that dorm likes to read for fun.

I've decided that if he reads all 5 books in the series that I'm going to give his entire dorm a pizza party one weekend. Miguel has already told me many times that he hopes and dreams to study and go to high school and college someday. He's said that he wants to be a psychologist to help people with their problems. As much as I like to think that I believe in him and that I'm his biggest fan - I don't even come close to loving him like God does. God is this little boy's biggest fan and I can imagine God just cheering Miguel on as he reads. Thank you God that one of these boys likes to read. Thank you Jesus for video games and the pull it has on little boys. Thank you God that this is working even if it's just one boy.

Miguel, buddy, I believe in you and in your dreams. I can't wait to see the man you'll become years from now. I am so unbelievably proud of you.

When they say, "Thank you"

My thoughts this past week revolved around Thanksgiving. I figured that I'd write a post or two about things I'm thankful for.... seemed appropriate. This was my 4th Thanksgiving in a row spent at a Mexican orphanage. I've been blessed for the past 4 years to live outside of the prosperity that I'd grown accustomed to after spending my entire life in a well to do Floridian beach community. Living in Mexico has really opened my eyes to some many things that I've taken for granted - like clean water, electricity, education, public safety, and my family. But tucking my boys in last night left such a big impact on me that I've decided to share about that instead...

My boys in the orphanage where I work say, "thank you," from time to time. Sometimes they say it because I've refused to serve them juice in the dining hall unless they use the special, "please" and "thank you" words. Other times it's because I've brought them some fruit from my fridge for a snack. But last night, one of the boys really caught me off guard with his simple words of gratitude.

All I did was tuck him into his bed last night. I had made up his bed with some clean sheets and helped the little man get under his covers. He seemed kind of surprised by the act and looked me straight in the eye and just said, "thank you." It was as if he was saying, "you didn't need to do that for me."

Of course I told him, "you're welcome. Would you like to pray before you fall asleep?" He agreed and we prayed.

There is just something altogether not right when an 8 year old thanks someone for tucking him into bed. When did I ever thank my mother for tucking me in?

I'm learning a lot these days about how our heavenly Father delights in us as his children. I'm learning more about what that means - because I sincerely delight in the presence of these precious children. I think that's how God must feel when He thinks of us. I hope and pray everyday that these little ones will feel loved - that they'll feel wanted and cared for and payed attention to enough - and some for the first time in their lives - to feel loved enough here on this earth to be able to believe and see how much their heavenly Father adores them. He created each one and made each one perfect. I guess for now, that is why I'm here. That's why I work the hours that I do. That's why I serve these kids. At the end of the day, if my boys feel loved then I guess I've succeeded in something.

God you so passionately love and adore each one of my boys. It is so clear and obvious to see the ways that you provide for them, fight for them and hurt for them. I pray that in this Christmas season, in and amongst all the gifts that they'll receive, that they'd feel loved by the people who matter most - to help them understand and be able to feel how much you love them. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Time to just pray

This morning, like every Tuesday morning, I had the privilege of getting the little boys from Douglas out of their beds and ready for school. Sammy has been going with me for months now to help the inevitable craziness of trying to provide quality care in the institutionalized environment that these boys call home. After the boys' breakfast though, we got to talking about one boy in particular. And if I'm honest with you, which I will be... I'm completely sick of the lack of forward movement for this little man. I'm fed up. I'm over it. I want action on his behalf and I want it now.

Wouldn't it be a shame if this beautiful little child stayed in an orphanage for the next 10 years of his life? I believe it would be. Would you join me in praying for him? Would you pray that the government would produce a "real" birth certificate.... apparently the one he got last year from the pre-school is a fake and has the wrong birthday. He's already spent 4 years in an orphanage without a birth certificate and without a family and without any forward progress from social services. God is the only one here who can change his cards. Let's pray this little man into a family.

Perhaps this Christmas season we could give little Alex a gift - prayers for a hope of a brighter future. God please send heavenly angels to fight on his behalf in the heavenly realms. Join me. It's time to fight.

A First

This past week I had the opportunity to introduce reading to several little girls who were recently dropped off at a children's home we serve. After hearing a snippet of their case history, I was pretty sure that no adult had ever read a story to them before in their entire lives.

So I brought a few books and just started reading. They weren't sure what to do at first. Should they just listen to me or look at the pictures? They chose the first, with their huge eyes just staring at me as I read. Honestly, I think they were shocked that I spoke spanish. After a few stories, their eyes shifted over to the pictures. They were captivated. They giggled. Their eyes got big.

And that was all it took because now I'm pretty sure they are hooked.

We read about 10 books. Several of the Eric Carl's were read 2 and 3 times each per their request.

And then the 4 year old decided to read to me. She had already memorized Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see?

I'm not a teacher. But my mom is. She read to me when I was little. She taught me. Orphans need someone to read to them. They need one on one time and attention. I hope and pray that the little boys who I read anywhere from 10 to 30 books each week to are going to repeat the cycle of reading to their own kids one day.

But now I'm hooked. I'm hooked to the thrill they get when they hear a story read for the very first time. Something inside of them just lights up. It's so simple yet so huge for their development.

Mom, thanks for reading to me. Thanks for all the trips to the public library. Thanks for reading Inside Outside Over There about 10,000 times. Thank you for making me read for an hour every day in the summer even though I hated it. Thanks for paying me in high school to read the same books that my 9 year old brother was reading. And thank you for buying books in Spanish for my boys. You never quit.

50 cents

What would you guess that a 7 year old would buy with 50 cents? I'll bet you didn't guess fireworks. And I'll bet you didn't guess that he could buy them at school. Well me neither. But my 7 year old brought them to my house this weekend and insisted that we light them off as soon as it was dark. So after bath time, complete with Toy Story PJs, I did what any respectable parent would do. I let him blow stuff up, in front of his little brothers.

David held his ears.

And boy was it fun.

Happy 5th Birthday Oziel

"How old are you?!" - I'm 5

So much could be said about this little man. He's spent half of his childhood in 3 different orphanages. He's had more turnover in orphanage caregiver who was responsible for him in these past few years than I probably had with babysitters. But for some reason, God has caused our paths to connect and Oziel has spent almost half of his birthdays by coming to my apartment for the weekend. Actually, last year on his 4th birthday was the first time he asked if he could spend the night at my house and not go back to the orphanage after a play date. It was the first time I ever asked permission and the first time he ever stayed over. This year for his 5th birthday - of course we kept that record going. In the past year, I've spent more time with these boys than I ever could have imagined - Oziel's sibling set actually spends almost every single weekend at my house at this point but we specifically celebrated Oziel's 5th birthday on that particular weekend with ice cream, pizza, swimming, the trampoline, and of course - Monster trucks for his bday.

In the past year, Oziel has learned to count, in kindergarten Oziel knows more letters of the alphabet than some of the first graders at Douglas, knows his colors and is learning to write his name. He has memorized at least 20 books and is a wizard when it comes to puzzles.

One of my proudest moments this past year was the afternoon that he learned to swim in the big pool with his water wings. He's like a little fish these days.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." ~ Isaiah 64:4

Prerequisites to Success

I'm sure that you've heard a million times that reading is FUNDAMENTAL to learning. Imagine a 3rd or 5th grader trying to tackle his math word problems for homework but has no idea what the problem is because he can't read so he waits for you to read it to him and help him set up the math. This scene is far too common place for me to stomach sometimes. But orphans in orphanages don't always get the amount of individualized attention they need to succeed academically. This is a HUGE deal when you consider that the ticket out for these kids is their education.

When I was little, my mom took me to the public library every single week to pick out all my favorite books. I recently tried to find my original copies of all my favorite childhood stories and realized that we never actually owned most of them but rather we just checked them out of the library over and over again. My mom read to me before bed. As I got older, she required that me and my siblings read for one hour every summer afternoon - like it or not. She was onto something here...

Day after day here at the institution I work at, seeing the night and day difference between my academic upbringing and the snip its of time orphans receive for reading instruction - if at all - got me thinking. Add to the situation the fact that public libraries in Mexico are a foreign concept for the kids.

I am in charge of different dorms of kids on different days so I decided about a year ago to start incorporating reading into my day with the boys. It was easy with the little guys because they LOVE sitting in your lap and hearing a story read out loud but I was nervous about the 9 to 12 year old bunch. They have surprised me because they actually love it. They laugh as they comprehend funny parts of the stories. They smile. They don't hate reading like I thought they would. We read out loud for 20 minutes and then they are allowed to play my N64. These 20 minutes which can sometimes go on for an hour when certain boys want to take their 20 minutes of reading individually by reading out loud to me is honestly my favorite part of my entire day with this dorm.

Many of the books that we read on a weekly basis have been donated my several of you readers I'm sure. Thank you for shopping online or in bookstores for children's books in spanish. Thank you for donating to these kids' futures.

Conduit

Days like yesterday, when I get to be with my 10 boys from sun up to sun down, have a way of surprising me at times. I'm not sure why I'm not "used to it" by now or why I sometimes have to metaphorically step back to gain a better perspective. But God is doing something through me. And what He is doing through me is doing something in me. I've never really been a kid person. If someone asked me to do some kids ministry to help them out, I'd probably giggle and say, "Me!? Are you serious? No, I'm not good with kids. Ask someone else." But when it comes to the least of these, I don't think whatever box we have chosen to put ourselves in seems to matter much to God. Yesterday I was reminded of exactly why I live here.

Twice a week, I take over all the caregiving for a dorm of 10 boys so that those caregivers can have a true day off to rest. It's a lot of work, but at the end of the day, the joy these kids give me far outweighs my physical exhaustion. These precious children have a way of blessing me in and amongst all the craziness.

Their smiles, giggles, behavioral outbursts, when one tells me that he loves me as much as from here to the sky, their psychological conditions that they carry as a result of abuse or their abandonment, their tiny little hands, the 7 year old who is learning to read, my pre-schoolers who can almost write their names, the way they misbehave if I'm not paying enough attention to them, my 4 year old who is weirdly obsessed with ears all of a sudden, when all 10 of them try to hide from me all at once in the church and another 4 year old tries to tell on them saying, "they were up there hiding in that place where we worship God," because he doesn't know that it's called a church, their cranky fits at dinner.....

I could go on and on.

But God has something going on here. I don't need to understand it.

I feel like some kind of conduit . God is passionately loving these precious children and he's doing it through me. It's a feeling that can probably only be described by a parent with their toddler- The way they love them.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who is passionate about the least of these. The world might try to ignore them or classify them as a charity but not God. He knows them each by name. He has promised to never leave them or forsake them and to be their father.

He made them.

He made them beautiful.

Happy 4th Birthday David

She knows it's coming up. But she can't do anything about it. She can't be there for him. It's her turn this month to work the night shift all week. Her youngest is about to turn 4 years old this weekend but she'll be at the factory. So when I called to ask if I could take her boys for the weekend again, she was thrilled and relieved and thankful that someone could be with her kids and celebrate them when she couldn't be there to do it herself.

She's thankful.

Just hearing that crushed me. I'm not sure that would be my reaction to the hand of cards life has thrown at her right now. And on top of that, she's thankful for me.

I've been given the most beautiful responsibility here. Her children.

She'll probably never know what an impact that whole conversation had on me.

We had a super fun birthday weekend with presents, ice cream, pizza, pool time, his new slip n slide, reading stories, watching scooby doo.

When life hands me lemons, I want to find ways to be thankful. I want to find ways to be grateful in my heart for what God has done for me by sending his Son to be my sacrificial lamb so that I could inherit Christ's righteousness. I want to keep my eyes focused on the things above and not just my circumstances.

A Back2Back t-shirt?!?!

Nothing makes me feel more like a proud parent than when one of my boys decides that the Florida Gator mascot is awesome. They often ask why my shirts always have gators on them. So I've explained that the greatest american football team is my favorite team and the team from my college - the Florida Gators. Many of my boys now have gator T's of their own.

So a few weeks ago, I was undressing Oziel out of his PJ's and into his play clothes for the day. Sometimes he pays attention to what I'm putting on him and other days he honestly doesn't care. I can dress him in whatever I want (if only Alex was that easy).

On this day he started smiling and getting excited when he saw his gator shirt. He yelled, "oh wow!!! I get to wear a Back2Back tshirt today!!!!!"

I about died from trying to not laugh out loud and embarrass him. Instead I explained that even though I wear Florida Gator t-shirts everyday, this is in fact not a Back2Back shirt. But to him, I am Back2Back and what I wear is apparently Back2Back.

God bless him. He knows how to make me love him more and more everyday obviously.

It's 2 weeks till college game day my friends. For all you Buckeyes out there - this season should be interesting to say the least. Go Gators!

"Tia" Caroline

For about a month towards the end of July and the beginning of August, I had a sibling set of 4 boys living in my apartment with me. I know firsthand how difficult it is to be a full-time caregiver at these orphanages. They need time off and NEVER get it except for a week or two in July or August. The caregiver for the youngest boys dorm was scheduled to get her summer break for 2 weeks but most of the boys usually in her care were still at the orphanage. Regardless of who was assigned to take care of them, she was still going to be on the orphanage property, in her usual apartment and the boys were for sure to not understand that concept of her needing to rest. To give her rest, I offered to take the boys with me for a few weeks. The first week wasn't bad because if I had to go to a meeting, I could find a summer intern to be my "babysitter" for an hour or so. I was working almost everyday and the boys could just go with me to work at the children's home or they'd get to go on the field trip with the visiting mission team. I was exhausted but what is new? Day off? Yeah right.

good morning crabby

Towards the end of week 1, I realized that something was terribly wrong with the youngest. He didn't in fact just have hives or an allergic reaction to something, he had boils and blisters all over his body. When I found out it was chicken pox, we called their biological mom who immediately left her job and came to pick them up for the weekend. Back2Back was full of pregnant people and there was a pregnant woman at Douglas as well so the chicken pox were not welcomed anywhere. This allowed me a few days to really get to work on some of my other not so fun Back2Back responsibilities that are well... intensified in our summer months with so many visiting American mission teams. Joy. haha I like to think of it as trying to "keep afloat" or just "prevent myself from drowning." I had a few days to clean, do laundry, buy tons of food for when the boys would come back, spend about 30 hours in the donation room, and do some construction and cleaning at Douglas with a visiting team for 2 days. Sound like a days off to you? Yeah, me neither.

Betty, a Back2Back staff member who for all intents and purposes is a saint, a true advocate for the orphan child, kept calling their biological mom to see how my little chicken pox man was doing and to find out how she was doing. As it turns out, little David was covered in chicken pox so bad that all his boils and blisters were now infected, he had scabs in his throat, was refusing to eat or drink and couldn't ingest his antiobiotics for the infections. Betty begged the mother to take him to the pediatric ER like a doctor had told her to. Betty assured her repeatedly that we would pay for any medical costs and that keeping David healthy was the most important thing. She decided to feed the other 3 dinner and then take all of them to the public hospital that night. Betty called this woman every 45 minutes to see how she was doing. I have suspected it but this desperate and grave situation made it all the more obvious -- this single mother has NO ONE to help her. She has no friends in her time of need. No one. But she has Betty and I can't imagine anyone else who I'd want in my corner other than Betty. They all finally made it to the hospital, they got David hooked up IVs but now this single mother and her other 3 young children were in a waiting room late at night. The mom was planning on just sleeping there with her other children because you are not allowed into the hospital room except for certain visiting hours. When you are allowed to go in, they limit the number who can enter the room to usually 1 or 2 family members which would have left the other young children by themselves. Betty and I didn't like this at all. Their mom is probably stressed beyond words, worried that her baby might die from infections or complications, just was informed that she was fired from her job because she was trying to help her children in an emergency, and honestly - her other 3 children are not easy to deal with.

So we had the other 3 boys brought to my house that night. They arrived to me at midnight and were wide awake, hyper, clearly stressed, confused, scared but at the same time relieved to be in my house again. They were filthier than I'd ever seen them which is incredible considering I've bathed them in an orphanage like 150 times before and seen them turn the shower floor brown from all their mud. Putting them to bed was a slight challenge because we had a lot of prayer requests that night. The boys were scared for David and honestly thought that he was probably going to die. Thus began my 2nd week with the boys in my house.

Week 2 was interesting because I only had 3, I was working every single day and all we kept hearing about David was that he'd be in hospital for probably a week at least. Again, our summer interns were my sanity and my only relief as a single mom. I learned a lot and probably more than I ever have about motherhood and parenting in this month with the boys than I could have imagined. I've thought about adopting as a single female if I felt that was what God wanted for me. But after this experience, with boys I know very well, who know me very well, whom I love a LOT.... I'm actually reconsidering that completely. Being a single mom with 4 crazy boys is incredibly difficult. In Mexico, pre-school is about 2 hours in the morning and elementary school is about 4 hours in the morning. For their mom to find a job to support housing, food, school fees and allow her the freedom to only work during school hours is nearly impossible considering she is alone and has no extended family to support her.

Week 3 began with the boys when little David was discharged from the hospital, covered in scabs, with an oral antibiotic. (in photos below - clearly, he didn't care that he had been in the hospital for a week, covered with scabs and infections - David was ready to play and eat cookies)

After seeing how intense David's chicken pox were, I did some research online and had some instant answers to what happened. David has eczema - incredibly sensitive skin. Children with normal skin who get the chicken pox can expect anywhere from 200 to 500 chicken pox bumps but children with eczema can have up to 1,500 bumps. Ding Ding Ding!!! that's what happened. And they all got infected. The hospital saved this little man's life.

build puzzle tower...

knock it over

Week 3 was my most difficult week with the boys because little David couldn't go outside. The summer sun in Monterrey would fry his baby fresh skin in seconds and make his scars worse. I refused to let him go outside and insisted that he wear long sleeve PJs and long pants at all times. This meant as a single mom, that the other 3 boys also couldn't go outside. I instantly felt like I was being held captive in my one room apartment as a prisoner. Our summer interns had gone home at this point and I was alone. Towards the end of week 3, Hannah Fay told me to pay some of the Hope Program students to take the older 3 boys to the pool and get some energy out which I took full advantage of and the boys LOVED. They decided that Homero was really fun but that Camilo was their favorite. We had a great conversation over dinner after their first afternoon with Camilo about how Camilo grew up living in their same dorm in the same orphanage but is now studying to go to high school and college. Some of the boys ended up helping me fold and sort clothes in B2B's donation room that week and decided that my "work" at B2B is just not fun and actually kind of "feo" or ugly.

Week 4 began with another direct hand off of the 4 boys from my care to their biological mom for one night and then back to my house again. If their mom has any sisters or if they actually have any aunts, I'm sure that I'd be their same age. I could totally be their aunt. That's what they need. That's what their mom needs right now. She needs help. But between an orphanage, Betty and myself - that's literally all she's got. In the past, I used to worry about what she thought of me when I'd have to talk to her last summer when she'd come to visit them on Sundays. I was worried that she'd think I was inept, not bilingual, and insufficient. Clearly those were all lies just running through my head. These days though, I know that I'm their mom's friend. The boys know that. They surprised me quite a bit this summer with the number of times they'd say things like, "take a picture of me doing _____ because I want my mom to see how I swim" or "that I built this." They don't even need to ask me to give them to their mom because they know that I regularly give her photos of them. I'm 100% confident that every photo she has of her boys have come from my camera.

lost his first tooth over a bowl of chocolate puff cereal

"i want my mom to see how I learned how to swim this week"

The days that they go visit mom or the days when they come back from visiting mom are always extremely difficult. They are on their worst behavior, at their most disrespectful, displaying all the independence they know how, hyperactive, sometimes violent, argumentative and distant. After all the transitions I've had to make with them since last year, I've come to expect this.

But the bottom line is this - I'm their "tia Caroline" or "Aunt Caroline." I'm pleased with the direction our relationship is headed.

Fernando

What can I say about the child who literally changed EVERYTHING for me? Fernando has been a game changer for me in the way I try to minister to the kids in the children's homes we serve in Monterrey. Through various events, Fernando is honestly the reason that I ended up moving into Douglas last summer. He is the most difficult child I've ever had to care for and also the sweetest. Because of some of Fernando's special needs, I've researched a ton about early child development, learning disabilities and a whole host of other issues that kids living in children's homes are up against. He was the spark for me that really set me on fire here in Monterrey. To say that I love Fernando is an understatement if there ever was one.

this is fernando's "casita" or tent - clearly very proud of it

In the past year, Fernando has changed SO MUCH! God loves this child so much and I was privileged to witness some of these incredible developmental changes this year. For starters, Fernando understood this year that he is loved, appreciated, beautiful, and smart. He started to feel secure and safe and his behavior changed drastically as he was much more calm, restrained, and cooperative. He learned that I would never turn down a request for a hug, to sit on my lap, for me to hold him, pick him up - yes he's 8 years old but he needs it sometimes - I would never embarrass him. He felt secure. This year was the first year that Fernando has ever done his homework everyday. I will never forget the afternoon in the Douglas dining hall when Fernando was so excited to do his math homework and to play some practice reading games with me that he just yelled at the top of his lungs to Betty, "Betty, I'M SMART!!!" For those of you who have never met Fernando, he has some special needs. For him to do homework, behave and actually make some academic progress is huge. For him to know that he is smart and not stupid and to exude confidence is beautiful. What I found incredible during homework time about Fernando is that his mind is like a human calculator. Math is his language.

In what is honestly only an act of God himself, Fernando's biological mom became very active in his life this year. Fernando has been at Douglas since he was in diapers - about 1 year old when the government removed him from his home and placed in at Douglas. He lived in Douglas for 7 years! Many of Fernando's "issues" have resulted from his abandonment, abuse, neglect and lack of affection and attention over the years. About a year ago, I got really fired up about the possibility of ANY of these boys being restored to their biological families. But in my heart and mind, I placed Fernando on the bottom of the list of who might be likely to have improved relations with his family enough to actually leave the orphanage. Just a few months ago, God absolutely shocked and surprised me when I found out that Fernando was going to go home to live with his mom after all these years. God is moving my "faith mountains" - that which I thought previously to be impossible - right before my eyes. Fernando going home is a complete act of God.

This past Valentine's Day, Fernando was the only boy who when I asked if he wanted to be my valentine even if it meant when he got older he'd have to marry me who said not only, "yes!" but then followed his yes by throwing his arms in the air and screaming, "that's what I've always wanted!!!" He made me laugh really really hard. I'm confident though, that these past 7 years - pretty much his entire life - the only thing Fernando has ever wanted was to go home and live with his mom. And he got it.

The day before I was told they were to leave the children's home, I decided to try to find photos of their childhood. I had been told that Fernando had lived at Douglas since he was like 12 months old and in diapers. I pulled down every single photo album that Back2Back has from some 15 years of ministry and after 5 hours or so found exactly what I was looking for. In the process though, I laughed at silly pictures of kids that I know when they were much younger. I cried. Some people think that when you get to heaven, you'll get to watch your life or everything that's happened throughout history like on some TV screen as if it's a movie. Going through that many years of ministry to orphan children here in Monterrey was one of the most emotionally moving experiences of my entire 3 years here with B2B. I saw families who have come down here for YEARS just loving on the same kids over and over again. It was for me as if I was watching in retrospect everything God has done in the past 15 years to pursue the orphan child. I couldn't hold back my tears and thankfulness and awe of how big God is. It was truly incredible. At times, I got angry as I found pictures as proof of how many years and years some of the teens I know have been orphans and lived in institutions. When I finally found pictures of Fernando and Adrian as toddlers, I lost it. I was thrilled because now I could give them photos of their childhood but enraged of how long they'd suffered without their parents. But mission accomplished, I was able to give both boys pictures of every year they'd spent in the orphanage. They laughed hysterically looking at photos of themselves as babies. They could hardly believe it.

probably about 15 months or so in this photo

eric - when was this?

eating some pollo loco at maybe 2 years old?

with one of his favorite pals

I was truly blessed to be able to see Fernando and his brother get picked up by their mom for the final time. On that afternoon, everything was right in the world as they literally sprinted to their mom's car to leave. They were thrilled, overjoyed, and relieved. I sent them off with all the things they had asked me to hold on to for them - gifts and photos from their Shelter Sponsor family. They waved as they drove off down the highway, not as orphan kids from the orphanage but as 2 boys with their mom. It was perhaps one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever witnessed.

Fernando, Fer, buddy I love you with my entire heart. You are a beautiful, beautiful boy. God made you perfectly. Thank you for billions of hugs and the million some times you yelled in my face, "I don't love you! Just kidding.... I do love you!!! You are like the energizer bunny and you never, ever slow down. I couldn't help but giggle the day you lost your first tooth and got scared because you didn't know that teeth came out like that. Nothing will be the same without you. But I know that you are currently exactly where you were meant to be - with your mom. You've blessed me and changed me more than you'll ever know.

David

Just to recap incase you are joining us “late” – I’m posting about each of the 14 boys who I lived with last summer and giving praise where praise is due for everything God has done in the past year on behalf of my little men. David is the 13th post in this "series" that I started in June. After David, I have one more post to go – but the thought of posting this last one literally brings me to tears so I’m taking my sweet time getting there… soon.

David has got to be one of the most beautiful little boys that I have ever seen – period. When that child smiles, the sparkle in his eye could light up the room. Even when I’m mad at him for something, that boy’s smile can change everything. I think he knows that and is starting to use it to gain favor but for now, I’m okay with that. He is in every way – BOY. He loves cars, punching things, wrestling, throwing himself on the ground, jumping, riding his bike, looking for bugs, hiding from me, swimming, pretending to swim on the shower floor if he can manage to stop up the drain enough to make a 1 inch “pool.” He also likes puzzles but he insists that I tell him where to put each piece.

He has 3 names:

1. 1. David

2. 2. Pollo Yon – b/c he looks like the fat bellied chicken for some fast food place here in Mexico. Every child at Douglas refers to him as “pollo.” If the kid knew how to write, I’m pretty sure that’s what he’d put on his papers in the space that says “Name: _______________”

3. 3. The Beautiful One – I gave him that one

He is the youngest boy at Douglas and also the smallest. He is so tiny for a child who is going to turn 4 years old in September that you naturally just want to pick him up and hold him. That’s how he prefers it so things seem to work out nicely for him. When you don’t feel like picking him up, he throws himself on the ground and throws a fit until you do. I spent almost every waking minute with him on my hip last summer. Try hanging the wet laundry for 75 kids on clothes lines outside with a 3 year old clinging to you. Well… I’d usually just make him sit right next to the trash can full of laundry while I got to work on it – he’d be screaming or crying or trying his best to protest that I was focusing on something else.

This past year, God gave David caregivers who love him and have welcomed him into their family within the children’s home. He has been attaching to these caregivers all year. I’m now more like David’s “aunt” and I love that. I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed in the last 2 years for God to send people who would love these boys like I would – and he answered. I am so grateful – you have no idea. God is not going to leave them or forsake them. Your prayers are so important. Keep them coming. I know He is listening. The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us – exercise some of that power this week will you? Say a prayer for the orphan child today.

David almost doubled in size, started pre-school, can count to 3 now - for a while it was just, "one... THREE!!!" the 2 didn't exist yet. He was potty trained and started talking. He went from saying literally just a few words to full blown paragraphs. He doesn't conjugate his verbs correctly all the time and he talks with a really deep and loud voice to make sure you hear him.

David you bring JOY into my life. You are too little to know it yet but when you throw fits and refuse to go to sleep, I often pray you to sleep in my arms. I ask God to form you into a leader of men who will preach God’s word with boldness. I pray that God fills the voids and scars in your heart from your abandonment with the only thing that can truly satisfy – himself - his Spirit.

Oziel

I've heard people say that they had no idea how much they could love someone until they laid eyes or held their newborn child for the first time and that in that moment - they instantly fall more in love than they ever thought possible. Well with Oziel it wasn't instant - in fact for the first few weeks that I was this child's "temporary momma," he smelled so bad that during bath-time you needed no warning that he was coming through because he would stink up the entire bathroom area. I have never encountered any child who was as stinky as he was. One of his favorite activities is to collect bugs and his process of doing so leaves him smelling absolutely horrid. So no, I didn't fall in love with him instantly. But within a few weeks, I could literally feel something in me changing - my heart just melting around him - putting him to bed, waking him up. After the weeks became months - I realized that my heart physically hurt at the sight of him because I just love him so much. I had NO idea that you could love someone that much until it happened to me. I'm assuming this is what parents feel like with their kids? Newsflash - just to clarify - I'm not a parent. But ever since little stinky, nose-picking Oziel stole my heart - I've felt in every way like one.

I hope and pray that this is what adoption feels like - the way I feel about this sweet little man. Maybe it's not instant for everyone but within a matter of time, they just feel like they are yours.

In the past year, Oziel has physically grown a TON. He went from 2T to 3T and then to 4T all in 12 months. He doesn't nap anymore in the afternoons. This past year was his first year in pre-school. He has learned to count to 15 in spanish and english. He knows his colors and is learning some letters. His handwriting isn't necessarily one of his strengths but he is a wizard with puzzles. I accredit the love of reading that many of the young Douglas boys now share to Oziel. Oziel fell in love with hearing stories one night before bed while listening to Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see? He asked me to read it again and again which I did but only 3 times in total that first night and then I made him go to bed. But after that, hearing a story became his favorite activity. He has figured out that adults know how to read, so he grabs books, brings them to you, and begs you to read it to him - doesn't matter who you are. If you are an adult, Oziel can work with you.

reading the book that started it all

A year ago, he responded to the name, "feo" or "ugly." All the kids would call him that and some workers who have since been fired used to call him that. It was literally his first name to all the major people in his daily life. When I moved in to be his caregiver, I decided that his new name would be, "Senor Guapo" or "Mr. Handsome." I'll never forget the afternoon that he stopped to look at me as we were walking back from lunch and said while smiling and pointing to his face, "Caroline, you call me that because I'm just so beautiful right?" He understood that he wasn't ugly. The rest of the kids understood that I thought he was beautiful and that messing with Caroline or saying anything she doesn't like is not a good idea and thus, the rest of the children's home decided that he was beautiful. After a few weeks, I never heard anyone call him "feo" ever again. Touchdown: Caroline.

Oziel loves Scooby Doo, stickers, frogs, bugs of all kinds, the Hulk, his bike, watermelon, bubble gum, puzzles, GATORS that are on tons of my t-shirts, stories of all kinds, going to the grocery store with me, trains, PJ's and snuggling. He is super affectionate and loves to press his face into yours just to make sure you are paying attention.

he asked me to put on a Scooby Doo movie, I said yes and this was his response.

If only other children were as easy to thrill as you Oziel

He also used to be THE bully out of all the pre-school aged children at Douglas. He reigned as king over like 15 little kids and if they did anything he didn't like, he'd just bite them. He is pretty fierce. I want to believe that he is slowly growing out of this. He is biting less and less each week. He now usually only draws blood when he feels physically threatened. His fight or flight comes out and let me just say - this kid has a lot of fight. But unlike many of the other little boys - he feels remorse when he has done something wrong. I love that about him. Disciplining him is rather easy. You put him in time-out for 30 seconds while explaining that he can't hurt other children and he immediately starts crying and saying he's sorry. I'll never forget the super cold morning when I lost him before pre-school. I had my other 3 pre-schoolers inside but where was Oziel? It was time to get in the van to go to school and he was hiding from me because I had scolded him about something. I finally found him behind all the buildings singing his favorite song - a worship song - Eres Todopoderoso - about how powerful God is.... I about died from laughter and I sang it with him. What child gets mad at you, hides, and sits there singing worship songs??! Oh probably the same 4 year old who is asked before every meal to give the prayer and have the rest of the orphanage repeat after him because his voice is soooooooo loud and hilarious. Yeah that's you.

Oziel you own my heart. You straight up stole it from me when I wasn't looking. But that's okay. I'll let you keep it.