Vacation = Mohawk

It's Christmas vacation time and all the kids are out of school for a few weeks.  For the boys at the orphanage I live at, this means it's Mohawk time.  This past week I gave at least 15 boys so crazy looking hair cuts - mohawks, the "ronaldo" cut, and a whole lot of stripes.  I'm not necessarily a fan of any of these hair styles but this is what they asked for so I complied. 

Their schools have very strict rules about what type of hair cut they can have but for 2 weeks - they can feel "cool" with these crazy hair styles.  I'll have to "fix" it before they go back to school but if it makes them happy - why not?

You have to make what?

My sweet children are given a TON of homework most days.  Sometimes, it's math, a reading assignment, something out of geography or history but at least once or twice each week my kids are asked to create projects like the ones in the photos below.

For this assignment they were told, "make a diorama of a region. pick a region."  No further instructions were given and of course there is no grading rubric which is unbelievably common.  Talk about frustrating.

However, our 4 dioramas turned out awesome in my opinion.  Here we have the polar region and above is a tropical jungle.  Clearly we took advantage of some Happy Meal toy figures and a few plastic animals.

Sometimes they are asked to bring in volcanoes they've made out of clay or musical instruments, and I think each of my 5th graders has been asked to create a poster board project full of pictures and information at least 10 times this semester alone.  It's more work for me and Sammy than it ends up being for our kids.  But Sammy always says, "my kids are NOT going to be the kids who go to school with something half done or not as good as the other kids."

So there you have it - orphans make school projects just like "normal" kids.

You only turn 12 once

Do you remember what your birthdays were like as a child?  If your upbringing was similar to mine, you had a family birthday dinner, a birthday celebration at school where you brought cupcakes in for the whole class, and then some sort of birthday party with your friends.  My birthdays growing up were always such a huge deal.  My parents would let me plan a huge party with all my friends, games, activities, my favorite foods, and goodie bags for everyone to take home.  I'd always ask for one big present - my parents over the years bought me things like bikes, shoes, clothes, and a surf board.  So naturally, I have very positive feelings when I hear the word, "birthday."

However, the kids our ministry serves - orphans - don't have families who celebrate them on their birthday.  Many of the kids we serve don't actually know how old they are or when their birthday is simply because it's not celebrated.

It's a phenomenon that I've witnessed over my past 4.5 years here in Monterrey and just not understood.  I've forgotten kids' birthdays before and it'll be 2 pm and someone will remind us that it's that kid's birthday so then we all yell, "happy birthday!!!" like all last minute as if we had known the whole time. I've been the caregiver for children who have been in tantrum mode for a solid week and I've not understood why - only later to realize that the child was upset because it was the week of their birthday.

On some one's birthday, family and friends remind them that:
they are special
loved
unique
important
valued
appreciated
cared for

I live with 7 orphan boys these days.  Over the past several months, we've tried our best to make sure that on the day of my kid's birthday to celebrate them - how God made them, to remind them that they matter and are loved, remembered, not forgotten.  So far, we've celebrated 3 of their birthdays.  Each boy is different so each boy gets to pick how he wants to celebrate.  Several have chosen pizza and one chose a specific type of tacos with strawberry Tang.  The strawberry Tang was the most important part to him so we made 2 pitchers instead of just one.

In the planning period of one of the boys' birthdays, it dawned on me that he had never had his own personal birthday party.  He was turning 12 and he'd never had a birthday party.  His birthday falls a few days after Christmas and he's always been overlooked which I guess is easy if you lived in an orphanage with 50 to 100 other kids.  The morning before his afternoon party, I got SO nervous because I wanted to make sure that everything was just right for this little man's big day- his FIRST birthday party.  The sweet child invited all his siblings and the caregivers at the children's home that he actually likes along with the other boys who live in our dorm.  He delivered tacos to all his favorite people just like I used to pass out cupcakes at school when I was his age.

It's days like these when I am in awe of the role and privilege God has given me.  These are some pretty special kids and I get to share moments of the utmost importance with them.  After all, you only turn 12 once.

Thankful

 This year was my 5th Thanksgiving here in Mexico.  If you had asked me what my "5 year plan" was as I was graduating college, I never would have said that I'd live in Mexico for 5 years but hey - who knows what is best for us?  I'm pretty convinced that God has better ideas for our lives than we do.  We just need to say YES when He asks us to commit to something or serve somewhere - whether it's big or small - God knows what is best.

So here is an ode to what I'm thankful for:

I'm thankful for my parents.  I'm thankful for all the ways you took good care of me and made sure that I always had my needs met.  I'm thankful for the trips to Wet'n'wild mom and for your example of someone who had decided to put God as a priority in your life - through your career, your free time, the way you spend your money, and through all your battles with the giant football of cancer God placed in you.  Dad thank you for driving me to school for years and for making all my sports such a big deal.  Thank you for being such a die-hard Gator and teaching me that Florida State is a girls school.  SEC for life!  right dad?

I'm thankful for my extended family.  I'm thankful for all my grandparents - from Canada and West Virginia with all your accents and different family traditions.  Thank you for caring about me, encouraging me and providing for my college education.  Grandma Jones - thank you for sharing our family history with me, for playing board games with me, taking care of me when I was sick, picking me up from pre-school and hosting all the sleep-overs that Laura and I ever wanted.  Thank you for deciding all those years ago that our family didn't need Christmas presents but that we needed to be generous and grateful for all that we already have.

I'm grateful that God so clearly called me to live and work here in Mexico.  I'm thankful for Campus Crusade for Christ that led me to meet Alex who brought me here to Mexico that first time. I'm grateful for the 7 boys that he has put in my life.  I've always wanted to adopt.  But my boys aren't adoptable.  They live in orphanages, without family, without attention - abandoned by their families and by this society.  But on days like Thanksgiving - I'm grateful that I get to be their "mom" even though legally they will never get a shot at a family.

Thanksgiving day my boys had another soccer game.  Up until Thanksgiving, they hadn't won a game and it was starting to eat them up and fill them with anger.  But on this day, not only did we win - we beat the best team in the league.

After the game, we ran on the field just screaming.   My boys said, "Caroline!!! God answered our prayers!! He heard what you said!!!! We finally won!!!!"  At bedtime, we almost always pray for their games to not be canceled, for them to play like a team, and to win.  We always thank God for their soccer coach and for Enrique who paid for all the league fees so they can play.  They've NEVER had the opportunity to play in a league before so this is a BIG deal and you better believe we are thankful.

Right after their game, we went to Back2Back's property for a good ole American thanksgiving dinner with about 200 people.  We had some mission teams here with us that week, all our 50 some staff members and the 50 orphans who live with our staff.  

Miguel loved the conversation questions on the table.  Beth is pretty infamous for these dinner table questions.  Mikey really enjoyed asking everyone what 3 wishes they'd ask for if they could have 3 wishes.  He mostly wants to win his soccer games and go to a professional soccer game and have his favorite team win lots of games.  Notice a theme?

If you've ever wanted to know what a good Mom looks like - wonder no more.  Pictured here in the stripes is Sammy.  She's an awesome mom and together, her and I share the responsibility of mothering our 7 boys.


I'm also thankful for everything that I once took for granted that makes America great - as awful as many including me might claim our public education system is - it's FANTASTIC and I'm proud to say that I'm a product of American public schools - elementary, high school and college.  I'm grateful for our judicial system, for our social services, postal service, public libraries, right to vote, our interstates and the abundance of clean water.

In this season of commercialism, American greed, spending money we don't have for things that we don't actually need but rather want - I want to be thankful.  I want to ask myself what I can give rather than get.

Happy Thanksgiving

Tip of the Iceberg

Sometimes my 11 year old kids throw tantrums for hours and hours at a time like a 2 year old would for reasons that a normal sane person couldn't pinpoint.  Sometimes my kids get behavior reports from their principal for tantrums they throw at school.  Sometimes my kids break windows or throw chairs.  Why?  There are probably a million reasons but the majority of them have to do with trauma from events or abuses in my boys' pasts.  Each of my 7 boys comes from a hard, difficult, and painful past.  One might think that if something happened to a child at the age of 2 or 3 or 4 years old that they'd be "over it" by the time they are in 6th or 7th grade.  Well that's just not true.

The current behaviors that I see in my boys everyday are just the tip of the iceberg of what pain and hurt they harbor inside from their past.  I find myself struggling everyday to keep this in mind when I want to come down hard on certain behavioral outbursts they display.  The truth is - my boys need connection and encouragement and a helping hand instead of a lecture. They have NO self confidence. They need a hug instead of punishment.  This to me feels unbelievably counter-intuitive.  They scream at me and throw things at me and honestly the last thing I want to do in moments like that is get on my knees to get unthreateningly below their eye level, speak with a low-calm voice and tell them how smart and handsome and intelligent they are and that this current behavior is not a true reflection of the "real boy" on the inside that I know exists. 

 My precious, handsome, smart little guys are just a fraction of who God created them to be and how he created them to thrive and process information because of trauma from their early childhood years.  Beth Guckenberg has a video where she describes this.  click here to -- > check it out on youtube

At the end of the day, God is the only rock upon which I can stand.  There is nothing God can't do.  He holds the oceans in the palm of his hand.  Jesus came to heal, restore, and repair.  In Matthew 10:8 Jesus commanded his disciples to spend their lives "healing the sick, raising the dead, cleansing the lepers, and casting out demons."  My boys need Jesus to enter into the dark places of their past and restore them, repair their trust, and heal their wounds.  And in the meantime, I'm pretty sure they are going to keep throwing things and getting called into the principals office - so what?  I know that is not who they are - they are just hurt right now.  Somebody needs to come and pick them up.  God grant me the energy, patience, passion and power to help these boys heal and grow.

Pray for us.  Pray for restoration.

Do you Sponsor a Child through B2B?

For the past several years, I've been involved with Back2Back's Child Sponsorship program here in Monterrey.  What started with just one child has now grown to provide funding and relationship for almost 300 children in Mexico, India and Nigeria.

To those of you who do sponsor kids - thank you - thank you for helping us provide better round the clock care for the kids we serve.  Thank you for praying for your kids.  Thank you for the letters you send.  Thank you for the photos you send.  Thank you selecting that specific child out of the hundreds so that your child knows that he/she is important and valued.  Thank you for believing in them.

Several times a year, I sit down with a whole bunch of kids to help them write letters to their sponsors.  And I'll be 100% honest with you - when they receive a letter from you - when they hear that you are praying for them, that you believe in them, that you remembered them, that you got their letter, they are THRILLED and they just light up.  Your letters mean so much to these kids.  I know many children who own nothing - they have nothing to call their own - except for the letters or gifts that their sponsors have sent down.  You open up their one drawer and all you find is letters and photos from their sponsor family - literally.  But when they sit down to write to you and you haven't sent them a letter - many of them feel forgotten.  So please - write to your child.  Email a Back2Back staff member your letter if you forget.  And I saw this today on the Compassion blog for ideas for what to write in your letters to your kids and it's AWESOME.  check it out --->  http://blog.compassion.com/20-letter-writing-prompts-you-can-use/

Still Hanging in there...

So if you are new to following missionaries in the field, I'm going to let you in on a little secret that I don't think is super secret.  When someone who typically has internet access stops posting on their blog for an extended period of time it can mean several things and one of them is that this said missionary might feel like... things aren't going so well, they might be frustrated, they might be exhausted and not taking days off to rest, or they just might feel like they have nothing positive to say.  Lately, I guess all of that could be true of me depending on the day.

I have 7 extremely special, beautiful, wonderful, defiant, difficult, handsome, athletic, energetic but never during homework or chore time, foul mouthed, stinky, mohawk loving boys.

I live in an orphanage close to Back2Back's property here in Monterrey.

I get up at 6 am and I'm "on" with the boys until 9:30 pm upon which I almost always immediately get into bed myself with the hope and prayer that I'll have enough energy to put forth a good effort the following day.

These precious children whom God loves deeply and has sent me to love on and live with often make me so angry that I'm fuming and need to take time outs myself.

After 2.5 months of living with the boys, we still have to argue every single day whether homework is "optional" or "obligatory" (along with every other required activity like eating or bathing).  One might wonder, "am I'm getting ANYWHERE with these kids or is this pointless?"

Well.... I have this much to say... that verse in Isaiah 58 where it talks about "spending ourselves on behalf of the poor and oppressed and the orphan"... I believe I fully understand the meaning of the word chosen there for "spend yourself."  I'm spent just about all the time.  But I digress.  What is important here is that I'm thankful.  I am truly grateful for the life of the other person who is minute by minute walking this out with me and mothering these lost boys - Sammy is a blessing from Heaven.  She is so patient with the boys.  She does their craft projects for school way better than I could.  She makes a PB and J better than I do.  I think she is "nicer" than me with the boys.  I'm more rigid and strict and the enforcer.  Sammy I am so thankful for you.

Other things I'm thankful for - Angel finished book 5 of Diary of a Wimpy Kid this week.  He started the series in February and finished it in October.  I'm SO PROUD of him!  I'm thankful for the psychologists, dentists, and pediatricians who God has led us to this past month.  I'm thankful that Back2Back has a medical fund to cover such expenses.  I'm thankful for such a crazy, insane, time consuming job that doesn't allow for my selfishness nor does it give me time to waste or complain.  I'm thankful for everyone who has donated kids flavored toothpaste and electric toothbrushes that make my boys so happy.  I'm thankful that one of the 4 broken windows in our dorm got fixed this week!!!!

But most of all, I'm thankful that my job is not to transform my boys.  My job is to take care of them, make sure they bathe and brush their teeth and eat and tie their shoes and go to school.  It is my job and well more like my passion to see some justice on their behalf.  It's my job to love them.  But the results and the way each of them responds and when - is not my responsibility.  I love. I serve.  I sacrifice. I give. I clean. I cook. I wash.  I buy.  But at the end of the day... I'm responsible to God and how I treat His 7 children.  I'm thankful that the rest is up to Him because I can rest in that.

Great Expectations

This past August, I was given about a week's warning with the news that I would be one of the caregivers for a boys' dorm at Casa Hogar Douglas.  My boys were also given about a week's warning.  I was moving in and I'm sure they had a lot of high hopes and expectations of how they assumed life in our dorm would be - whether it was different, easier, more fun, more food, something.

It became apparent rather quickly that their new reality with me wasn't meeting what they had envisioned.  Several were very vocal about this at first - yelling about why wouldn't I just give them another sandwich or more snacks or why did they have to do their homework.  They yell things like, "I thought when you moved in we'd get _______ or it'd be like ________!!!"

We seemed to have clashed or well... a guess a 'head on collision' describes our lives a little better.  It's been hard for them and for me.  I'm exhausted.  The actual daily schedule is hard enough but it's something entirely different when half of your kids are in tantrum mode and are extremely defiant.  My boys cry A LOT - seemingly at the drop of a hat.  They are extremely sensitive.  They have NO idea how to manage their emotions.

Several weeks ago, Sammy and I started behavior charts with our 7 boys to help the boys gage how they were behaving and to help them understand exactly what my expectations are for them each day.

They try to argue EVERY SINGLE day as what is "mandatory" and what is just something I said they had to do.  They argue as to whether or not they have to eat, bathe, brush their teeth, do their homework, go to their sports class, etc.  So we made a chart with all the things they have to do every single day.  If between Monday through Friday - there are 60 possible points they could earn - we've offered to take them on a field trip friday night for each boy who meets the minimum requirement for the field trip that week.  This past week - they had to earn 50 boys out of a possible 60 in order to go out for ice cream.  2 of my 7 did not earn the minimum 50 points so they didn't get to go.   Think about that for a minute - if my categories are the bare-minimum that they have to do everyday and 2 of my kids didn't do a required activity like eating breakfast or doing their homework or brushing their teeth 10 or more times in a 5 day period - can you picture all the frustration on my end and theirs for days and days?  It's painful to even think of - let alone live through.

On a positive note - these behavior charts are helping my kids learn that their actions have consequences - good actions have good rewards and bad actions have bad consequences.  This is a completely new concept for them unfortunately but little by little - they'll catch on.  As a result of these charts - my kids are brushing their teeth usually twice a day.  They are eating more because they want their point.  They are at least pretending to go through the motions now with their chores.  And our boys have gone to school every single day since the first day of school with their homework completed for the first time in their lives.  They are getting more sleep too because they are starting to respect our bedtime simply because they want to earn their point for bedtime.

Pray for my boys to begin to understand that they are responsible for their actions.  They are responsible for how they react to what life throws at them.  Pray for them to improve in literacy skills - reading comprehension, words per minute, and in math.  Pray for improved attitudes at school.  Pray that God graces our entire dorm with patience - patience when we are frustrated or angry - patience and grace before we speak.

Douglas Soccer Team

Casa Hogar Douglas officially has a soccer team and they are led by Douglas' coordinator of sports and activities - a Hope Program graduate named Cheko (in red).  The tiny guy in front is my kid.

Their first game was a little crazy because it rains cats and dogs for the entire first half which then destroyed the field and they couldn't move the ball through the mud and it was more like water polo instead of soccer.  Every player just kept falling in the mud.  Most of the guys took their massive mud clogged cleats off and just tried to play barefoot.  Everyone laughed and had a good time which was a nice distraction from the score which by the end of the game was something like 10 to 1 - Douglas lost. To add to the craziness, the power went out as a result of the intense storm.  So we had no water, no power, no lights and no one could bathe and they were COVERED in mud - like something out of a movie.  About 2 hours after the game, we took all the boys to Back2Back and threw everyone in the pool.  Thank God for the pool because the power was out all evening.

They have now played 2 games and are currently 0 - 2. However, the score at the end of the first half of both of those games was 1 to 0 in favor of the other team.  They seem to fall apart in the 2nd half but I have hopes that they'll improve.

But here is the bottom line - we are SO THANKFUL that the boys have a coach who cares about them and who trains with them throughout the week.  I am SO GRATEFUL that my little tiny soccer star is allowed to not only train with the big boys but he gets to play and develop his athletic abilities.  These boys are learning discipline, to follow instructions, to cooperate with one another, to work hard, and to get back up when you fall down as well as work off some steam and frustration each night in a positive manor.  

Pray for our soccer team to work better as a team, to move the ball better, to play selflessly, for their coach Cheko to challenge them and build them up along the way, for opportunities to play against other children's homes in the area, for the possibility to enter into a league.  Pray that the boys would grow, develop and mature through soccer and through sport and teamwork.  Pray for funding for league fees and/or uniforms.  And pray that they'd win a game or at least hang in there a little closer to their opponents. 

Going After the One

Just to keep you all updated - Sammy and I still live at Casa Hogar Douglas full-time and are the caregivers for a boys' dorm there 24 hours a day.

The boys are transitioning and processing through their previous caregivers' departure and what Sammy and I expect from them throughout the day.  Oddly, our biggest battles with the boys most days revolve around whether or not they will eat breakfast, lunch or dinner and not whether or not they'll go to school or do take a shower at night.  They want to stay up until midnight and we want them in bed by 9 pm.  They want to go to school wearing whatever we want and insist that they wear their school uniform.  They want to eat candy and I want them to brush their teeth.  They want to play video games and I want them to read a book to me for 15 minutes.  They think it's totally normal to leave their backpack with all their school books AT school overnight instead of bringing it home so we can do their homework together.  They want to scream curse words at us and I want them to voice their emotions but respectfully.  Most of the boys are 10 and 11 years old and when they hear the response, "no" to something, they often throw full body trashing on the ground, attempting to break things or harm themselves tantrums for often 60 minutes at a time.

So to put it lightly, we are transitioning.  It will likely be months before they accept our schedule and our rules.  It'll be months before they trust me when I say, "maybe it'd be better if we did that in an hour instead of right now." It'll be months before they realize that I'm not going to hit them if I'm mad about something they just did.

One of our boys in particular has been winning the competition amongst the boys to be the worst behaved and most defiant in our dorm.  Sammy and I said, "enough is enough," and we called a meeting with every single adult that works at the orphanage to talk with him all at once.  To have this meeting, Sammy had to leave behind our dorm full of boys unsupervised and I had to leave behind another dorm that I was caring for that day so their full-time caregiver could have a day off.  In an orphanage setting - it's not a good idea to leave kids alone.  But we did it.  We left about 13 kids alone for an hour so we could stop everything and talk to just one child.

He needed to hear from more than just us, what the expectations are for him.  He needed to hear reinforced from others what is considered wildly disrespectful.  He cried.  He protested.  He said it wasn't fair.  But in the end, we were cool and there was now no way he could say, "well I don't have to listen to you because YOU are the only person who thinks I have to do my homework, speak respectfully and read for 15 minutes in order to go to soccer practice!!!!"  He knew that EVERY SINGLE adult in his life was in agreement - he for some reason was convinced that me and Sammy only wanted to punish him and that no one else would agree with our rules.

Since that meeting, he's been an angel.  He got it.  And honestly, modifying the behavior of just one kid might seem like a drop in the bucket but it's made all the difference in our dorm.  He's a leader and doesn't even know it yet.  He's incredibly handsome and I already worry about keeping girls away from him in the years to come yet he thinks he's ugly.  He's wildly intelligent and yet he gets rather solid B's at school.  And he is incredible at soccer.  I think he knows that last part already.  He scores goals on kids twice his size everyday.

Sometimes and probably more often than not, it's worth it to leave the 99 and go after the one.

Prayer requests for our dorm and for Sammy and me -
*  patience for their outbursts
*  appropriate words and wisdom when they share with us abuse from their past
*  for the boys to not just sleep but truly rest at night
*  for their first year teacher at school to not treat them differently just because they are "orphanage kids."
*  for the boys to grow to trust us a little more each day
*  for the self confidence - to know and believe in themselves and their abilities

Living at Casa Hogar Douglas Again

About a week ago, when all the kids started back at school here in Monterrey, Sammy (fellow Back2Back staff member) and I took over one of the dorms at Casa Hogar Douglas after several caregivers decided to leave.  We were honestly a bit surprised by their departure but I truly feel blessed and lucky and I'm grateful to get to be the full-time caregiver for these 7 boys.

The last time I was the full-time caregiver of a dorm at this same orphanage - it was 2 years ago, I barely spoke Spanish, I didn't know the kids well, nor their daily schedule, I was clueless about their  school uniforms, and I had 14 boys ages 2 to 9 instead of just 7 boys, and on top of that I was in charge of doing the laundry for all 70 kids that lived there at the time.  This time around things are A LOT different.  For the past 2 years, I've spent almost every single day at Casa Hogar Douglas either giving caregivers a day off by taking care of their kids from sun up till sun down, reading with the boys, doing homework, tutoring kids, giving boys haircuts, or caring for certain sibling sets on the weekends.  After all that, I know each of these boys backwards and forwards before ever moving in.  So the transition has been relatively smooth.

To top it all off - God has provided a way for me to have Saturdays off so that I can watch NCAA football from the time College Gameday starts until the west coast games are over - talk about beautiful!!!

We are all doing well.  The boys so far have done their homework every single day which was not the case last year.  They have been reading and doing extra math for me every single day - even on the weekends.  And I've had to explain to each of them probably 5 times by now why it's important that they read and do more than just the bare minimum and remind them that I love them and only because I care about their futures - and because I believe in their abilities and refuse to let anything limit what type of career they could have one day simply because they attended one of the worst public schools in the entire state - that ALL THAT is WHY they have to read for 15 minutes.  One day, they will "get it."  That day is not now but that's not going to stop me from forcing them to develop to their full potential.

The dorm is SUPER clean and so are the boys.  Amen and Amen.  

Sensitivity

Several weeks ago, life and ministry here in Monterrey took me on a roller coaster (literally) at a theme park with some of my favorite boys and later in an ambulance with another one of those boys.  We were at a water park on a field trip with a visiting mission team and had an incredibly fun day.  The kids got to go on ride after ride for hours and I was able to join them.  We screamed, we laughed, we floated down the lazy river and soaked up the sun.  

When it was time to leave and get out of the water so all the kids could get changed into dry clothes for dinner, we had a little bit of trouble getting a few of the boys out of the water.  They wanted to stay a little bit longer.  In the rush and craziness of trying to explain in English to the Americans and in Spanish to all of our kids that it was time to get changed and give them directions to the bathrooms and the dinner location - Sammy told me that one of our boys was hurt and that the theme parks' first aid staff were with him.  So I ran over to see what was going on.  Laying on the concrete stairs was Gustavo surrounded by paramedic people.  He was obviously in pain and kept crying telling over and over again about how these bigger boys pushed him and he fell and hit his leg on the stairs.  

The paramedics decided that it was very important that Gustavo get an X-ray.  They kept saying over and over to me that kids can be seriously hurt and that we need to take all the necessary pre-cautions.  

I pretty much told Gustavo to be a big boy and just walk it off.  

The paramedics decided that Gustavo needed to be put on a stretcher.  Which they did.  But first they put a brace type of thing on his leg to immobilize his leg which made him scream and cry some more. They carried him off to their first aid room on a stretcher with me and Sammy following close behind.  

At this point, the paramedics wanted to know his full name, birthday, address, emergency contact phone number, his parents names, etc.  We as discretely as possible had to break the news to them that sweet Gustavo is an orphan who lives in an orphanage.  And so it began - for the next several hours Sammy and I kept signing release forms as Gustavo's legal guardian.  Moments like that really tug at your heart - you have a screaming and crying child who is obviously in physical pain combined with my own fear that he'll be embarrassed or feel like a total loser if everyone knows he's an orphan.  You know in the end - no matter what - his leg will be fine - cast or no cast - but it's his heart that concerns me.  He's been wounded enough as it is - he doesn't need more emotional scars on his heart.  So I got protective.  I normally am but especially then.   

Before myself or Sammy could figure out what was happening - we were with Gustavo in an ambulance and headed to some hospital that I had never heard of.  

The paramedic and the ambulance driver did not know what to make of Sammy and me.  Sammy was trying to be comforting to Gustavo and let him know over and over again that everything was going to be just fine.  At that point, I asked the child if it would be alright if I marked the moment with a picture. He gave his consent.  

At the hospital, we had to go through all the legal guardian questioning all over again.  I signed consent forms.  Sammy signed some more.  They eventually took some X-rays.  But they came back totally normal.  So they decided to call in a bone specialist.  The specialist wanted to check into perhaps some nerve damage that might have been done considering the fact that Gustavo was still screaming and crying anytime anyone touched his leg.  At one point, the doctor told Gustavo that his leg wasn't broken.  Once Gustavo heard that, he moved his leg.  He checked it out.  Then he started to put his shoes on as if nothing had ever happened.  About 10 minutes later, Gustavo walked out without a limp out of the emergency room to head towards the car.  Now Sammy and I were thrilled and I mean thrilled that he wasn't hurt.  I had been praying about how in the world was this fantastic swimmer going to be able to swim this summer if he had a cast on?!?! And how was I going to bathe him?!   But sure enough - there was nothing wrong with him.  He just needed the doctor to say that his leg wasn't broken.  At the same time though, we couldn't help but feel as if we had been played a bit.

But there is something that we know about this sweet child in particular - he is extremely sensitive.  It is possible and likely that he has some sensory processing issues from a lot of the behaviors he has displayed in the past.  So looking back at the entire afternoon and how it all played out - I could see how we could end up in an emergency room with a child who is not trying to lie - but completely fine.  He wasn't faking it.  He felt pain.  But he was fine. 

This past week, I feel like I've been doing the exact same thing in my walk with God.  I'm freaking out about all sorts of things.  I'm nervous.  I can't sleep.  I'm fighting battles to defend my kids as best as I can.  And I've been a total mess.  At one point, I had to lie down because I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest.  I kept telling myself, "you are way too young to have a heart attack."  I'm a planner and I want to know more or less how to plan my time but lately - everything has been so up in the air that I just couldn't handle it.  I just needed someone to tell me what I know to be true - God is in control.  I don't need to freak out about things that are not within my realm of control.  I am going to be fine.  But for a while there - I guess I wasn't sure of that.  

Debriefing ourselves later, Sammy and I just kept saying how we hoped that Gustavo felt loved and cared for.  We hoped that he felt like we would always meet his needs as best we could.  We hoped that he felt like we were listening and hearing his voice.  Abandoned children often lose their voice in a lot of ways.  All too often there aren't caring, committed adults around to listen to them when they had a bad day at school or when someone hurt their feelings or when they need help to learn a new concept. So we rejoiced at one simple fact in the midst of our frustration and feeling like we had been taken for a huge a lie - his voice was heard.  And honestly, in everything I do throughout the week including the occasional ambulance ride - that's all that really matters.

Ice Skating in July

It's summer.  It's usually over 100 degrees outside.  We have visiting mission teams available to take kids from the orphanages we serve on field trips.  On this particular day, we were told that the goal was to take the kids somewhere fun and do a lot of exercise.  So where would you take the kids?  Last week it rained a lot so we decided to go ice skating.  

First, we picked up 4 of my Douglas boys to join us on our field trip with another orphanage called Del Norte.  This meant that my boys had to go with us to the other orphanage to pick up more kids.  My boys were not thrilled about going to another orphanage - think about it - if you had been dropped off at some point in your life at an orphanage by someone like your grandma or your mom or the government and left there - you'd probably have some stress reactions about even visiting another orphanage.  That was the case with my boys.  Some were curious - they wanted to know why there were cribs in this orphanage with babies in the kitchen.  I tried to give them a tour but once they saw the trampoline - they decided my tour was over.  So they jumped for about an hour - laughing and doing flip after flip.

Angel (above) is very athletic.  Clearly.  He can do a back flip and immediately upon landing go straight into a front flip.  Imagine trying to get this particular child to sit still long enough to do his homework.

Eventually, we departed from the other orphanage and set off to go ice skating.  Most of the Del Norte kids were terrified about ice skating because I think about 95% of the kids with us had never been ice skating before.  I think my boys might have been terrified too - but they weren't verbalizing it. 

They stuck to the edge for a while.

So Sammy (left) and I (right) decided to try and help them out.  The boys on their own, fell a lot.  We slid all over the ice.  But everyone, group members, staff, Del Norte kids, our Douglas boys... everyone - could not wipe the smile off their faces.  We had so so much fun!  We pretty much dominated the ice in number but also in pure laughter. 

Guillermo (above) skated for a long long time while putting all of his weight on whoever would loan him a hand.  Most of the afternoon, that person was me. Thus, I'm still sore from this adventure and we went days ago.  

Right after taking the above picture, I fell flat on my back.  My boys will probably tell the story of when Caroline fell flat on her back for the rest of their lives.  I was fine and it made everyone laugh some more. 

On the way home, I was EXHAUSTED!  All 4 of my Douglas boys fell asleep and didn't wake up until I said the word, "popsicle" upon arrival to the Back2Back property.   Believe it or not - here in Mexico they have popsicles with chili powder in them.  My boys love them.  Mango with chili powder.  Yuck!! But my freezer is full of them.  

Math and Gameboys

Several months ago, I received a few Nintendo Gameboys as a donation to use at Casa Hogar Douglas.  I have to admit that at first, I had no idea what to do with 2 Gameboys for an orphanage that has over 70 kids.  Sammy, another Back2Back staff member, suggested that in the same way that we have the boys read chapter books in order to earn the right to play video games that we could use the Gameboys to get the boys to do extra math practice.  And so it began...

For the past 3 months that's exactly what we've been doing.  I found some ESL (English as a Second Language) Math workbooks that have instructions in Spanish but teach American number concepts and have been making photo copies for the boys each week.  For every 3 pages they complete, they earn 30 minutes on one of the Gameboys.  When their 30 minutes of game time are up, they can do more math pages to earn more time.

Many of my 3rd, 4th and 5th graders when asked the question, "what is 3 minus 2?" insist on counting on their fingers to tell me the answer.  They have absolutely no number concepts.  Addition and Subtraction are manageable if you are counting on your fingers for every question (not ideal but it's possible) but Multiplication and Division are near impossible if you have no choice but to count on your fingers.  Doing their assigned math homework with my boys is often a nightmare for me and for them - I want to rip my hair out and they cry because they have NO number concepts and are frustrated and lost.

So we started with the basics - my 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12 year olds do American 1st and 2nd grade math worksheets to try to help them better understand simple addition and subtraction.

Later we got into the idea that multiplication is about groupings of numbers and not just another set of numbers to try to memorize.

The word "Division" in spanish can easily set off several of my boys into a fit of tears just at the mention of the concept because the sad truth was - they didn't know what it means.  My sweet 5th grader said to me this past week after doing 3 very, very basic division pages that he finally understood what division meant, that he liked those pages, and the next time I make him pages - he would like more of those.  Hallelujah the heavens have opened!!! I honestly can see that they are making progress, learning and improving.

I am so so thankful for our Gameboys and the donated games.  Without them, I'm not sure I ever would have challenged the boys this way in their Math abilities.  They will do almost anything to play with them - even if it means a ton of math problems.

You wouldn't guess that my BOYS fight over who gets to play with the pink DS but they do.  Makes me laugh every time.

If you have old Gameboy, Gameboy Color, Gameboy Advance, or Gameboy DS games that you would want to donate - we can use them.  Gameboy Advance or Gameboy DS consoles that have rechargeable wall charger batteries - we can use those too. Contact the Back2Back home office for information about getting them down here to Monterrey at 513.754.0300

Sharing Life

I've got a confession to make... I really, really LOVE spending time with my boys.  It's not just a job to me - it's more of a passion, a calling, a desire.  I have my good and bad days for sure and so do they but the truth is - I LOVE being around my boys.  I am thankful that I get to tell them that all the time.  There are so many days when I watch my boys do something for the first time or when we celebrate their birthdays or other major life events that I can't help but think, "their mom should be here for this.  She's missing it."  Playing the role of stand-in mom is an honor.  It's an honor I'm thankful that these boys sometimes tag me with.  Our Back2Back staff get invited to the kids' school plays, graduations, birthday parties, parent teacher meetings - you name it - because their parents simply aren't around.

I am so thankful that God has called me to this place and to these specific boys.  

I'm thankful for the opportunity to make a huge deal out of their individual birthdays.  I'm thankful for their Back2Back Child Sponsors who join in on those celebrations.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to play with them before bed and to joke about any and everything.

I'm thankful for the opportunity to be their "guest of honor" at their school assemblies like the one pictured above.  Miguel is in the front row on the far left singing the song "Head, shoulders, Knees and Toes" in english with his English class.  He thought the song was stupid and wasn't planning on participating in the school assembly until he found out that me and Sammy knew the song and had sung it when we were little.

Jonathan, Miguel, Victor, Cesareo, Guillermo, Gustavo, Angel, Alex, Kevin, Tonio, Emi, Alexis, Jahir and Luis - I love sharing my life with you.  Thank you for sharing yours with me.

Beating the Heat

It feels like summer arrived here in Monterrey months and months ago.  The average temperature here in May, June, and July is between 95 and 105 degrees.  I might be from Florida and you'd think I'd be used to the heat but honestly, when it's hot here - it's really, really hot.  I spend most of my days sweating from the moment I wake up until the moment I go to bed in the orphanage closest to the Back2Back property called Casa Hogar Douglas.  Mexican orphanages - especially that one - don't have air conditioning.  In attempts to beat the heat - I bring my boys swimming at Back2Back as often as possible.  

Many of the boys didn't actually know how to swim so Sammy gave a bunch of them swimming lessons every time we came to the pool and now most of our boys can hold their own in the deep end.  But the crazy thing is - whether a kid can swim or not - they still just jump in the pool.  Talk about a life guarding nightmare.  They keep you on your toes - that's for sure.

Casa Hogar Douglas Baptisms

14 of the older children who call Casa Hogar Douglas home were baptized last night in one of the Back2Back pools along with one caregiver and 3 neighbors by the pastor of the Douglas church - Javier.  Deyanira, Rubi, Bety, Alondra, Roberto, Tonio, Fabian, Luis, Alexis, Kevin, Daniel, Magali, Lolita, and Ramon were baptized in front of about 200 witnesses. 

 Above is Roberto who is the oldest of 4.  When he grows up, he says that he wants to be a pastor so he can tell everyone about Christ.  Witnessing his baptism was probably one of the greatest joys of my life.  Roberto, God has bigs plans for you.

In the above photo is Fabian who I believe has a smile on his face 24 hours out of the day.  

Above is Alexis who has lived at Douglas since he was about 4 feet tall so Javier joked about how huge he is now.  

The woman pictured above is the caregiver for the youngest girls dorm at Douglas and also the mother of 3 children who have called Douglas home for the past 5 years.  God reunited her with her children recently and she wanted to make a public affirmation of faith last night.

Almost all of those baptized had taken classes for the past few weeks on the meaning of baptism and had decided that they were individually ready to take this step of faith.  God really showed off last night.

Every child from Douglas came to watch those who wanted to be baptized.  God promises to hear us when we cry out to Him and He says that those who are led by the Holy Spirit are adopted spiritually as his sons and daughters to receive Christ's inheritance. Anyone choosing to accept God as their father is incredible but witnessing earthly orphans recognize their heavenly Father is about as beautiful as it gets.

Greater things are yet to come.  God bring your Holy Spirit to Casa Hogar Douglas.  Reign in that place.  Bring your light.  Bring your truth.  Bring your justice.  Bring your hope Jesus.  We invite you.  We need you.  Thank you Jesus for taking our place on the cross.  Thank you God for adopting us.

Full Potential

Since December, Jonathan has read 20 chapter books!  He read the entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid series in like 2 weeks.  And this past month he flew through the entire Narnia series by C. S. Lewis.  Jonathan is in 6th grade and is usually the top of his class academically.  This is the first time he's ever been given books to read and the first time he's read chapter books (since it's not usually part of the Mexican public school system).  Before, Jonathan wasn't being challenged at all academically.  I honestly believe he reads more words per minute than I do.  This past week, he and his older sister were talking about what they were both reading.  His older sister is in high school and in Back2Back's Hope Program and my 6th grader Jonathan recommended a few to his 10th grader sister! How crazy is that?!?!

Likewise in the past 6 months, Miguel has read 13 chapter books!  Miguel is in 5th grade and is super super smart.  He often gets just lost in his books.  His reading location of choice is on the concrete floor.  He lays on the ground, starts reading and just looses all track of time.  I force them to read for 15 to 20 minutes a day.  Miguel oddly enough likes to whine and complain about how long that is but after he's read for 2 to 3 minutes, he gets so into his book that he'll read for the next 30 minutes to an hour without realizing that he is the only one left reading in the dorm.  He also read the entire Diary of a Wimpy Kid series and read most of them on the weekends in the light of the bathroom while everyone else was sleeping.  He just read several Phineas and Ferb books and has just begun some Jigsaw Jones mystery books.

Sometimes when I look at each of my boys individually - at their talents, abilities, skills, passions, at what makes each boy unique... I ask the question, "in what ways are my boys not being challenged or given the opportunity to develop in a certain area and what can I personally do about it?" My answers to that question usually leave me just wishing and praying that one day they'll get the opportunity to do some extra curricular activities.  One of my boys should be in gymnastics classes.  Several I think would love to play on a soccer team.  One wants to play american tackle football.  One of them is trying to learn to play the guitar.  Others are interested in learning English.  Unfortunately, children growing up in orphanages don't often have these opportunities. Sometimes it is because of lack of funding to pay for such lessons.  Often though, it's the orphanages' inability to have enough vehicles and adults to cart the kids around to soccer practice or the gym.  Most orphanages barely have enough workers to make sure all the kids finished their homework or that their dinner is cooked and can't even dream of driving kids to activities. So they go without. 

I want to challenge my boys.  I want to see them develop and be able to explore what they are interested in.  I want to see them reach their full potential in life. 

My boys have managed to shock my socks off in the past 6 months in the sheer number of books they have flown through.  My loving mother pushed and pulled me to read with whatever tactics she could come up with throughout my childhood because she knew what was best for my future.  So for the past 2 years, I've presented books to my boys over and over again in hopes that they'd read.  6 months ago, I started going 5 days a week to personally make them read to me in exchange for the use of one of my video game systems.  If they read, I leave the game system.  If they refuse, the video games go home with me.  Seemed simple to me.   As the months have gone on, these boys are not only improving drastically in their reading levels but they are also beginning to enjoy and get excited about what they are reading.  Combined, my 8 chapter book readers from Douglas have read over 70 chapter books in the past 6 months alone.  

My boys are smart, handsome, really funny, athletic, sweet, compassionate when they want to be, and each one was uniquely made by God.  He knows their full potential.  He knows the ways that He has gifted each one.  I pray that each of these boys would have the opportunities to explore their unique talents and enjoy them and I tell the boys that all the time. They love to turn that back around at me and ask me, "Caroline how has God made you and what are you good at?"  Try answering that for a 10 year old! But more importantly, I pray that each of these boys would discover who they are in God's eyes and how God has uniquely created and gifted them to be used to further His kingdom here on earth.  God has plans for our lives, for our good and for the good of those around us.  We just need to wake up enough to see it and be bold enough to go through with it.  God wants to use us, we just have to let Him.  

As Proud As Can Be

Fewer things in life have made me as proud of anything or anyone as the number of chapter books my 4th graders have been flying through in these past few months.

Today I decided to show each boy how many books he had personally read and finished since January.  Each boy was SO proud of himself when he saw what he had accomplished.  They kept asking me to pull the whole pile back out so they could see how high their stack went. 

Each boy has drastically improved his reading skills this school year from simply reading out loud at least 5 days each week for at least 15 minutes a day.  I'm so proud of them.  I am also honestly a little shocked at how much they manage to get into their books.  They laugh, they read with expression, they ask to keep reading after the required time is over.

Sweet Angel finished the 2nd book in the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series just about a week ago and as I had promised, the very next day I drove all over the city of Monterrey until I found the 2nd movie on DVD.  We had our 2nd Diary of a Wimpy Kid party.  And go ahead and call this another commercial or endorsement for those books but the 2nd movie is absolutely hilarious and I think better than the first movie.  Angel asked me to investigate online with the 3rd movie will come out because he's determined to finish another book in the series.  Right now, we are on page 45 and the 3rd movie will be released in August.  I think we'll finish before then. ;o)

These boys have taught me so much about which books and which series' are funny or interesting or worth buying and which ones just aren't.  Thank you to everyone who has ever donated money or books to the Casa Hogar Douglas library.  These boys appreciate you and so do I.