Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Still Hanging in there...

So if you are new to following missionaries in the field, I'm going to let you in on a little secret that I don't think is super secret.  When someone who typically has internet access stops posting on their blog for an extended period of time it can mean several things and one of them is that this said missionary might feel like... things aren't going so well, they might be frustrated, they might be exhausted and not taking days off to rest, or they just might feel like they have nothing positive to say.  Lately, I guess all of that could be true of me depending on the day.

I have 7 extremely special, beautiful, wonderful, defiant, difficult, handsome, athletic, energetic but never during homework or chore time, foul mouthed, stinky, mohawk loving boys.

I live in an orphanage close to Back2Back's property here in Monterrey.

I get up at 6 am and I'm "on" with the boys until 9:30 pm upon which I almost always immediately get into bed myself with the hope and prayer that I'll have enough energy to put forth a good effort the following day.

These precious children whom God loves deeply and has sent me to love on and live with often make me so angry that I'm fuming and need to take time outs myself.

After 2.5 months of living with the boys, we still have to argue every single day whether homework is "optional" or "obligatory" (along with every other required activity like eating or bathing).  One might wonder, "am I'm getting ANYWHERE with these kids or is this pointless?"

Well.... I have this much to say... that verse in Isaiah 58 where it talks about "spending ourselves on behalf of the poor and oppressed and the orphan"... I believe I fully understand the meaning of the word chosen there for "spend yourself."  I'm spent just about all the time.  But I digress.  What is important here is that I'm thankful.  I am truly grateful for the life of the other person who is minute by minute walking this out with me and mothering these lost boys - Sammy is a blessing from Heaven.  She is so patient with the boys.  She does their craft projects for school way better than I could.  She makes a PB and J better than I do.  I think she is "nicer" than me with the boys.  I'm more rigid and strict and the enforcer.  Sammy I am so thankful for you.

Other things I'm thankful for - Angel finished book 5 of Diary of a Wimpy Kid this week.  He started the series in February and finished it in October.  I'm SO PROUD of him!  I'm thankful for the psychologists, dentists, and pediatricians who God has led us to this past month.  I'm thankful that Back2Back has a medical fund to cover such expenses.  I'm thankful for such a crazy, insane, time consuming job that doesn't allow for my selfishness nor does it give me time to waste or complain.  I'm thankful for everyone who has donated kids flavored toothpaste and electric toothbrushes that make my boys so happy.  I'm thankful that one of the 4 broken windows in our dorm got fixed this week!!!!

But most of all, I'm thankful that my job is not to transform my boys.  My job is to take care of them, make sure they bathe and brush their teeth and eat and tie their shoes and go to school.  It is my job and well more like my passion to see some justice on their behalf.  It's my job to love them.  But the results and the way each of them responds and when - is not my responsibility.  I love. I serve.  I sacrifice. I give. I clean. I cook. I wash.  I buy.  But at the end of the day... I'm responsible to God and how I treat His 7 children.  I'm thankful that the rest is up to Him because I can rest in that.

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