Consumed and Broken

Confession:

When I'm apart from them and close my eyes, I see them - their sweet faces, their longing eyes, their desperation for their family. I can't get them out of my thoughts, prayers, my conversations - 14 little boys are consuming all of me.

If I'm not with them, how do I know they are okay? Are they crying? Did someone hit them or steal their hotwheels? Did they wet the bed? Did they get a hug today? I have no idea if I'm not right there with each of them. So I wonder - how does their real biological mom feel? How can she abandon such a beautiful little boy full of imagination, affection and feelings? As I long to be with each one of them when I'm doing some work project or at some other children's home, I feel 1 ounce of the longing they feel for their mom everyday. They wonder if she will ever come back or if they did something wrong and that's why she doesn't want them anymore. My boys carry a lot of pain. Their hearts are heavy and in some you can just see it in their eyes.

God is my supply and my joy. He fills me up with his love until it overflows. And my heart just aches with the love God has given me for those boys. He lovingly created each one of them. You hear a lot of times in Christian circles that you should "guard your heart" in relationships sometimes. I've heard that phrase recently more than once in reference to my kiddies. But I'm just going to say this - so hear it - I'm pretty sure there is not one place in scripture that says we should guard our hearts from the orphan child. Nope. Doesn't say that anywhere. Isaiah 58 says I should spend myself on behalf of the poor and oppressed and then my light will break forth like the dawn. The more I feel myself spending myself on behalf of these sweet abandoned boys, the more I feel God lighting a fire in my heart to spend more time with them and the more I feel God meeting my every need. Hearing Oziel or Israel laugh hysterically or Alex say "your grandma poops" or David try be a tough guy against an 8 year old or Gustavo tackling me or Marcos not screaming or Miguel saying "I love you" or Alexis' smile - that fills me.... more than enough than all I need.

Dear Jesus, I do NOT understand how their moms could abandon them. Lord God I pray that you would make a way for these boys to not have to spend their entire childhood in an orphanage. I pray that you would restore them to their biological families or that you'd make a way to give them a real family with someone else. Jesus bring people to these orphanages that will raise them like a loving mother would. Come to them God - hear them and lead them out God in ways that only you can. Calm their hearts and comfort them when they cry themselves to sleep at night longing to be with their real family. You have not nor will you forget them. Protect them from the enemy who wants to beat them down even more. Be faithful to them. Amen.