How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to you enough
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering
A child of mercy and grace
Who blessed Your name unapologetically
And leave that kind of legacy" -- lyrics from "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman
I heard this song yesterday on one of the only english radio stations I can pick up in my car around the B2B property - God planned this one just for our staff I think - it's a Christian radio station from McAllen, Texas. I was returning back to Casa Hogar Douglas to be ready for when my boys came home from school. Yesterday was my day this week to fill in for the full time workers so they could have a day off.
I was struck by the line, "did I point to you enough." My motives for why I serve these kids can be mixed sometimes. Sometimes, probably more often than not, I spend hours with them simply because of the way I feel when I'm near them. They make my heart melt. I love hearing them say my name, their hugs, the way they try to sit really close to me on the couch, how they laugh when I scrub the bottoms of their feet. Sure that probably sounds like an acceptable reason to love on orphan children... but why am I here? I was reminded of how important it is that I point to the Lord when I'm with my boys. How often do I point to God when they ask me questions or when they are crying about something or when they want to know why there are new workers or when they can't sleep or when I tell them for the 100th time that day I just love them to pieces?
A few days ago I started reading a book that I picked up at the Summit of the Orphan called "Castaway Kid." It's written by a guy who was orphaned at age 3 in an American orphanage in the 1950's. The book is his life story, what he was feeling, the lies of abandonment that he struggled with throughout his whole childhood. The details that he could remember from his 3rd and 4th years of life are haunting to me. Half of my boys are that age. They are going to remember a TON from this time in their lives. I have the opportunity to point to the Lord in ways that they will remember forever.
During lunch yesterday, I was by myself with my 10 boys, sweating horribly from the heat with a 2 year old on my lap who was about to pass out. It took a lot of patience for me to just take a deep breath as Fernando got into a fist fight with Luis over crackers and Jose Daniel sat underneath the table and threw stuff at everyone with Oziel screaming and Alex calling everyone else bad names. Loving them with patience is a battle most of the day if I'm honest. At lunch, did I point to the Lord in a way that will make a mark on their lives?
When Fernando tells me he loves me and calls me mommy do I take that opportunity to tell him about how much God loves him?
Other lyrics in this song talk about blessing God. I spent a long time yesterday trying to figure out what in the world it would look like to "bless the Lord." How does one bless the God who created us, mountains, beaches, the sky, heaven... who gives us breath and life .... who has placed me in a position to snuggle with 3 year old orphans for hours on end whenever I want???? Seems pretty ridiculous to me to try and bless God. He blesses us.
We always have opportunities to point to the Creator, our sustainer, our provider - God. I want to point to him ENOUGH.... how much is that?