I like to think the boys I care for on a day to day basis trust me. I like to think that they know that I love them, will defend them, help them, not make fun of them and that I will not hurt them. But knowing all that I know about their individual case histories, all they've been through, abuses they've suffered and the many ways in which they've been forced to raise themselves... trust with these boys is hard to build. With some it can take a really long time. For others it seems to happen almost instantly which is honestly a bit creepy.
Tonight, I realized that while I was deep in conversation with someone else, multiple of my boys would walk up to me, eat off my plate and either try to hug me or smile at me and then just walk off as if it were no big deal. And it wasn't. I didn't care. A few hours later though, I found myself laughing at the thought of how many of them came from 5 feet, 10 feet or 15 feet away to eat something off of MY dinner plate without asking.
But I think that's some evidence of trust. They know I'm safe. With almost all of them, I know that they trust me but I love some solid evidence every now and then that all these hours, days, months and years are helping them in some way.
The desire of my heart is for them to feel loved and to feel safe. I'd prefer them to feel that in the comfort of the loving home of their biological families but if that isn't happening and they have to remain in an orphanage, I hope and pray they would feel loved by the people taking care of them who claim to love Jesus.
I can't stop thinking about what Paul prayed in Ephesians 3:18-19, "I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Regardless of the depths of some of the scars that my boys carry on their hearts, there is NOTHING deeper or more capable of FILLING that than the love of Christ. God can mend broken hearts and then fill them with the fullness of God. The gospel message is nothing short of crazy and insane. Why we get to be blessed enough to hear it is beyond me.
1 comment:
Hey, Caroline! I really don't know how I stumbled upon your blog, but I did, and I wanted to ask you if there was any way you could give me some info on how you got started doing this. God's been showing me alot on what He wants me to do with my life, and what you do is what He wants me to do. It's kind of a long story. Reading your blog has really been inspiring, as well. If you could email me at daniel.ratz92@gmail.com, that would be awesome.
Thank you so much,
Daniel
Post a Comment