their character is forever

Many major events have occurred since my last post....

1. a Hurricane rocked us again and left me stranded at Casa Hogar Douglas for a night where I slept in baby Alex's bed

2. my attempts to celebrate my own birthday with the Douglas kids

3. I was hospitalized over night for a stomach bug, high fever and dehydration

If you'd like to read about part 1 (of 3) of my birthday celebration with the Douglas kiddies and the hurricane please visit Jessica's blog - she was there with me. She did a great job explaining what happened on the night the hurricane hit. It's worth reading.

I don't like celebrating my own birthdays - I don't usually make a big deal out of it other than making sure to watch the Gators beat Tennessee. This year though, I decided to make a big deal out of it - by lavishing the 67 kids who live at Casa Hogar Douglas with a steak taco dinner followed by some ice cream cones. They were pumped. But if you read Jessica's blog - you know what happened. My party fizzled. Hurricane hit. My steak didn't arrive. I was bummed but amazed at the same time at the outcome.

The Prep team for attempt #1 to eat my birthday dinner that failed. But good effort. The woman on the right - is related to the director - Javier and she cooked ALL day to make me 4 amazing chocolate cakes to share with the kids. I was incredibly honored.

Well next day rolls around - I'm scheduled to take care of the youngest boys dorm from 6 am to 8 pm. The wake up part was easy - I was in their room at 6 am when the alarm on my phone went off. I sent them all off to school no problems.

Lunch comes around - we are finally going to eat the billions of kilos of steak that I bought for the kids (part 2 of my bday celebration with the kids). I'm excited. The kids are rather excited. The bell rings for lunch and my boys decide it's time for throwing crying fits and to start fighting with each other. Marcos is literally screaming at me because I told him that he couldn't go to the dining hall if he refused to put his shoes and socks on (is that too much to ask?). Oziel leans in on Alex for the 2nd time that day to hit him and then bite him right in front of me. I had already talked very sternly to Oziel about this earlier. Few things at this point phase me with these boys but when they start biting each other and trying to slam skulls around - I get very very mad. They know when Caroline is around - absolutely NO biting. So obviously, Oziel was put in time out for 4 minutes. He immediately starts crying. He's tired. He's behaving HORRIBLY - much worse than probably I've ever seen. My group of 10 boys that day barely all made it into the dining hall. Remember - we are finally sitting down to my billions of dollars worth of steak. Yet, I am not happy. David starts throwing tortillas. Fernando insists on getting in my face so I can't eat my own food because then the attention isn't on him. I finally get everyone to calm down and sit down and eat their plates. Apparently, Alexis (age 6) looked at Oziel's (age 4) plate of tacos wrong and Oziel lost it. His anger fumed and he stood up in his chair and kicked Alexis in the face with his shoe on. So I picked Oziel up, took his plate and went straight outside with him. The rest of the dining hall of course is COMPLETELY CALM except for my sweet angels of the Lord. Oziel is screaming, "NOOOO CAROLINE!!! NOOOO!" He's crying. I'm not going to yell at him, I'm not going to scold him and give him a talking to in front of 67 other crazy kids. Yet he sure didn't want to eat his lunch outside on the picnic table alone. I told him he was not allowed back inside the dining hall because kicking people in the face inside the dining hall is absolutely not allowed. I leave him. He proceeds to scream and cry, "No Caroline! No Caroline! Outside No!"

I love Oziel as if he was my own child. I was disappointed. He and I get along beautifully. But he's not allowed to bite people. Or kick them in the face. I've been talking to the boys a lot these past few weeks about what it means to be "macho" or "manly." Being "macho" means that if someone hits you or says something mean to you, you have control. You don't hit them back. You tell them not to do that or say that. We say that it's "girly" to hit people because it shows that you have no control.

After everyone else finished lunch, I went outside for Oziel and brought him back inside with his plate so he could sit on my lap and talk about what happened while he finished his tacos. I proceeded to tell him that (part 3 of my bday celebration) after dinner that night we were going to eat ice cream cones because I wanted to share with everyone for my birthday. He is more than thrilled. They never and I mean NEVER get ice cream. But I told him that if he hit or bit one more - ONE more- person that day, he wasnt going to get an ice cream cone. He immediately burst out crying saying, "why caroline did you say I can't have ice cream?!!?" So we talked about it for a good 20 minutes - around and around the thought processes until he could grasp all of it.

He took a good hour and half nap after that - he naps like once a month. Go figure.

The bell for dinner rings. We are all lined up in front of the dining hall waiting for the prayer so we can go inside to eat. My boys know that if they finish their dinner plate, they'll get an ice cream cone. We'd talked about it all day. So naturally, my 10 boys were doing the ants in their pants dance and couldn't stand still to save their lives. Fernando (age 7) walks over to Oziel and slaps him playfully in the face with excitement about ice cream a good 6 times. Oziel starts fuming and huffing and puffing. I was holding his 3 year old younger brother at the time but yelled at him from 15 feet away, "OZIEL DON'T HIT HIM!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU HIT HIM!!!!" and he stopped to look at me for a second or two and didn't hit Fernando. I ran over and celebrated that like the gators just won ANOTHER national championship. That's why I spend endless hours with these boys. Oziel's character, what kind of a man he will be when he grows up is a massive concern of mine. I want them to know right from wrong. I want them to have self control. I want them to feel secure. These boys struggle with everything - especially beating up on one another - they take their frustrations out on whoever is closest. It's brutal. But it doesnt have to be like that.

We ate dinner. It was AWESOME (part 3 of my bday celebration). They mixed the left over steak with potatoes and it was amazingly tasty. The ice cream cones were a hit. Everyone loved it. And I was thrilled. I finally had something HUGE to celebrate. I even got seconds on the ice cream. Oziel didn't hit Fernando - Praise the Lord.

Isai and Jose - loving it

My little grandpa man - David - the baby model

Oziel EARNED that ice cream

Discussions about the Lord

Lately, I've found myself having TONS of spiritual conversations with my kids.

They ask me things like:

"God has boyfriends right?"

"God is in heaven and he can't come down here."

"God loves everyone right?"

"Is Jesus still alive? Or did he actually die?"

"Is God a boy or a girl?"

"What does God say?"

We've recently had many conversations about how God is all powerful and can do anything He wants. God is omnipresent and can be in a million places at once. We've talked over and over again about the trinity - God is three persons and that is confusing. But God is the Father, Jesus is the son, and the Holy Spirit lives inside the hearts of all those who have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We've talked about how God loves each and every one of them so so much and that they are God's most favorite child. God loves everyone but especially them. No matter how many times I say it, they still want to say that since God is loving, that means He has boyfriends. The idea that God can be in heaven and on Earth at the same time is throwing a few of them for a loop but we've talked a lot lately about how we can talk to God through prayer. We talk about how God is in control when they are scared in the middle of the night in a dark orphanage dorm and that He is with them.

I've never been a mom before but I'm quickly learning that life is a Sunday school room of sorts. Every moment is an opportunity to point to the Lord. Lately, He's given me a ton.

Growing Weary

This past week, I've been struggling to not grow weary in doing good. When it is a worker's day off at Casa Hogar Douglas, I'm there to cover for them and take care of the kids. I agreed to do this 3 days per week and cover 3 different dorms. I know how exhausting it can be to care for these sometimes very difficult children all week. I learned first hand how important a day off is if one is to appropriately have the patience to love these children 24 hours a day when I lived at Douglas this summer. The desire of my heart is to see these kids receiving loving care everyday. It's critical that workers have a day off and time away from the kids to recharge. So this year, I've made that my mission. Last week, somehow that turned into me covering for 4 different dorms. To the kids, I'm sort of like the fun grandma who comes when mom leaves and brings fun movies. They taunt kids from the other dorms and brag that I'm watching them that day and not the other. Guess that makes me feel loved? These kids need some attention.

I have to admit, I'm exhausted. I show up at the children's home at around 5:45 am to get the kids ready for breakfast and school and I come home to my apartment between 8 and 10:30 pm. I've found myself complaining in my head about how I'm tired and should be sorting donations or responding to my emails or actually eating or resting because I've been sick for a few days or that maybe I dont actually like all these kids so I shouldnt be there. It's all lies. 100% lies from the enemy. When I had to go to the states for 2 weeks to raise support for this upcoming year, I cried almost everyday because I missed my kids so much. I still get upset when I have to leave the kids at the children's home and drive away for the night. Yet at times, I find myself growing weary.

Weary is often how these full time children's home workers feel. Most are single moms who ended up at the children's home after unfortunate life events, not by choice. Pretty sure that wherever you are today, there is a single mom near you who could really use a pick me up and some help. Maybe you could offer to watch her kids for the afternoon so she could nap or run errands.

"We must not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

Please say a prayer tonight for the workers at these homes - for their energy, patience, ability to rest and pour into these children. They are my heroes.

David and Oziel's Birthdays

My sweet orphan boys don't all know how old they are. They don't know when their birthdays are or if it is their birthday, they don't know "how many" they are going to have on their next birthday. They don't know because they don't have a mommy or a daddy who is going to remind them and celebrate them. But my boys know or will learn this year because I am making a huge deal of their birthdays after I saw firsthand how difficult a birthday week can be for an orphan this past summer while living at Casa Hogar Douglas.

In the past 10 days, I've celebrated 7 birthdays at Douglas - some celebrations were bigger than others. Below are photos from 2....

David turned 3, is now potty trained (or really close) and started pre-school last week. He can say in spanish, "one, five, THREE!!!" before he jumps on something or wants to have a countdown. His pre-school teacher obviously has some work to do but I'm thrilled that he has started big kid school. He's starting to be a bit more vocal and says things like, "a que NOOO!!" when he doesn't want to do something.

For his birthday, I brought him some happy meal toys, 2 balloons which he immediately filled with water and threw with joy, and some play doh.

David was the lucky recipient of my cousins' old truck. He puts the shapes in and out of the truck bed.

Oziel turned 4 on thursday. I was working on his actual birthday and taking care of the boys dorm at douglas for boys ages 8 - 11 and I could not adequately spend time with him on his real birthday. Oziel has a Shelter Program sponsor family and they sent some money down to buy him a birthday present which I gave him on his actual birthday. But for you blog readers and for those of you have been here to Monterrey, you know by now that Oziel owns my entire heart. Spending one hour with him on his birthday playing with his new toys was just not enough for me. So I asked for permission to spend all day Friday with him. We had a fiesta day and did whatever my little man wanted to do.

First, we swam in the pool and shot squirt guns.

Oziel got his happy meal toys present from me - complete with all his favorites: marbles, stickers, 4 balloons, hotwheels and his current favorite thing on the planet- a Hulk action figure

Balloons complete his life

We watched movies in 3D

Oziel won on the monster trucks game on N64

He wanted ice cream so we went to McDonalds for happy meals and ice cream. As we walked out of McDonalds he proudly declared that he was going to spend the rest of his life at my house. This is a sensitive subject for him and honestly for me too. I love him so much and I hate that he lives in a group setting with group bath time and group meals and group everything. I explained that he was just playing at my house for his birthday and that we didn't have permission right now for him to live there forever. But as we got in the car, I told him my idea - we'd ask permission for him to spend the night. If they said no... he'd have to go back to his dorm and his brothers. Well they said, "YES!" He was soooo excited. He asked if he could sleep on my "gator couch." He loves gators. Obviously God picked out this child just for ME. I found him some PJ's while he found some more frogs and proudly showed them off to some of the other B2B staff. He literally jumped around with glee as I made up his bed for him.

This little 4 year old puts himself to sleep. When he is tired, he asks for a bed and just goes to sleep. After some Scooby Doo and after we read "Hands are Not for Hitting" (he struggles to be nice sometimes- I don't blame him), he put himself to sleep. He let me sleep till 7:45 am till he screamed, "CAROLIIIIINE!"

We watched more Scooby Doo at his request, played with his new toys and I started cooking breakfast to which he said, "what are you doing?" I said, "I'm cooking breakfast for you. I'm going to make chocolate chip pancakes. Would you like that?" He gets excited about a lot of things but I think the thought that I was personally cooking for him was obviously more exciting than any toy I've ever given him - this still shocks me. He kept saying, "you are cooking for ME?!!?!?!? Oh yes Caroline!!! Yes Caroline!" Then when we finally sat down to eat, he started by eating all the chocolate chips off the top. Then he realized that there were more choc chips inside the pancakes to which he asked before each one, "is this a bug or chocolate?" Only a child who has lived in an orphanage or on the street would ask that question.

Fernando turns 7 this Sunday. Happy Birthday!

My Frog Princes

It's the rainy season now here in Monterrey and all this rain is producing a ton of frogs for my sweet boys to seek out, find, trap, hold, throw, and put in their pockets. At 6 am the other day, I was getting 10 of the boys ready for breakfast and school. One of the boys had gone to his drawer and pulled out 3 dead frogs and placed them strategically in a row in the changing room on the counter so I'd find them and freak out. It worked.

Gustavo with a mom and a baby frog

Jose and Luis ran around all afternoon with these 2 frogs to give everyone "besitos" or kisses from the frog prince. I came around a corner holding a 3 year old and they caught me off guard and frogs smacked me straight in the lips. There was no avoiding my "prince"

at Alondra's XV reception - the boys refused to stay out of the rain and join the fiesta. Instead, they chose to hunt for frogs in the rain with their juice cups. I thought this was hilarious and took pictures instead of telling them to get out of the rain.

Isai with 2 babies

I can't seem to avoid the frogs. The boys always have one or two in their pockets, dead or alive. Yesterday, I was rocking a 3 year old to sleep so he'd take his afternoon nap. I knew he was finally asleep when I heard the frog he was holding fall to the ground. Good lord.

That Kind of Legacy

"I want to leave a legacy

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love?

Did I point to you enough

To make a mark on things

I want to leave an offering

A child of mercy and grace

Who blessed Your name unapologetically

And leave that kind of legacy" -- lyrics from "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman

I heard this song yesterday on one of the only english radio stations I can pick up in my car around the B2B property - God planned this one just for our staff I think - it's a Christian radio station from McAllen, Texas. I was returning back to Casa Hogar Douglas to be ready for when my boys came home from school. Yesterday was my day this week to fill in for the full time workers so they could have a day off.

I was struck by the line, "did I point to you enough." My motives for why I serve these kids can be mixed sometimes. Sometimes, probably more often than not, I spend hours with them simply because of the way I feel when I'm near them. They make my heart melt. I love hearing them say my name, their hugs, the way they try to sit really close to me on the couch, how they laugh when I scrub the bottoms of their feet. Sure that probably sounds like an acceptable reason to love on orphan children... but why am I here? I was reminded of how important it is that I point to the Lord when I'm with my boys. How often do I point to God when they ask me questions or when they are crying about something or when they want to know why there are new workers or when they can't sleep or when I tell them for the 100th time that day I just love them to pieces?

A few days ago I started reading a book that I picked up at the Summit of the Orphan called "Castaway Kid." It's written by a guy who was orphaned at age 3 in an American orphanage in the 1950's. The book is his life story, what he was feeling, the lies of abandonment that he struggled with throughout his whole childhood. The details that he could remember from his 3rd and 4th years of life are haunting to me. Half of my boys are that age. They are going to remember a TON from this time in their lives. I have the opportunity to point to the Lord in ways that they will remember forever.

During lunch yesterday, I was by myself with my 10 boys, sweating horribly from the heat with a 2 year old on my lap who was about to pass out. It took a lot of patience for me to just take a deep breath as Fernando got into a fist fight with Luis over crackers and Jose Daniel sat underneath the table and threw stuff at everyone with Oziel screaming and Alex calling everyone else bad names. Loving them with patience is a battle most of the day if I'm honest. At lunch, did I point to the Lord in a way that will make a mark on their lives?

When Fernando tells me he loves me and calls me mommy do I take that opportunity to tell him about how much God loves him?

Other lyrics in this song talk about blessing God. I spent a long time yesterday trying to figure out what in the world it would look like to "bless the Lord." How does one bless the God who created us, mountains, beaches, the sky, heaven... who gives us breath and life .... who has placed me in a position to snuggle with 3 year old orphans for hours on end whenever I want???? Seems pretty ridiculous to me to try and bless God. He blesses us.

We always have opportunities to point to the Creator, our sustainer, our provider - God. I want to point to him ENOUGH.... how much is that?