"In The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis he is trying to show us that what God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we've been longing for. The things "in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things... are good images of what we desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself." They are not what we are longing for. It is not that specific man or woman we desire, but what they point to, what is coming through them. They are a picture of what we long for." ~ from Walking with God by John Eldredge.
I read that last night with uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. My 14 boys faces flashed in my mind. I thought of the immeasurable love that God has given me for each one of them in the past few months. I absolutely long to be with them right now as I'm still in the states, away from them. I love them. But perhaps, God has used these precious orphans so show me how much HE loves ME with some tangible, in my face examples that I can understand. You see, when I look at Oziel for example, I straight up just melt. I adore him with my entire being - all his imperfections, the ways he bullies the other kids, and yells at me because he doesn't want to bathe. And that's exactly how God looks at me. God sees my imperfections and loves me obsessively anyways. God longs to be with me when I don't want to pray to him or spend time with him.
Ephesians 3:16-18 has entirely new meaning and depth to me today, "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."