Joy

Yesterday I had the honor of attending the dedication for a new building and ministry center in Back2Back's Cancun site.  A woman named Judy, who over my years living in Mexico, I came to know, love and admire died of leukemia about a year ago.  In her honor, her family donated what became the building costs for a beautiful and expansive community center in an impoverished community near the airport in Cancun.

Overwhelming emotions.

To say that I felt overwhelming emotions during this dedication is probably an understatement.

Some incredibly beautiful memories and articulate words were shared of Judy, of her impact, the lives she touched, the children that her and I both have adored over the years.  Her 4 children and husband were in attendance, her sisters, extended family, neighbors, friends, loved ones, some Back2back staff from various sites - all flew in to celebrate her life and her love for the orphans of Mexico.

Judy and I used to talk quite a bit online.  In her last months before she died, she often shared her wishes and prayer requests for her kids... her desires to see them find joy in the Lord, in serving Him, in knowing Him, in trusting Him. It was incredibly moving to see her 4 children serving together in a place that meant so much to their mother - honoring her memory and probably experiencing some of that same joy as they served little brown faces in the hot Cancun sun.

It was pouring rain this weekend in the slums near Cancun.  I stood watching the rain fall on this well which is one of the only sources of water currently on the property.  Seeing it reminded me of the concept of source - of our sources for water, for restoration, to be cleansed, renewed - of my sources of joy.

I just kept thinking about joy and about how God is so invitational to his children.  He gives us opportunity after opportunity to co-labor with him as he moves, heals, restores, refreshes, revives, mends, rescues and pursues those around us.  I don't know if you are aware of this but God is a God who deeply loves, deeply cares, and isn't content to just watch us go through life miserable, deflated, unmotivated, hopeless.
God is active.
He is moving.
Right now.
Right now God is at work in your family, your community, your place of work.  And we can either chose to partner with Him in what He is already doing - where He is already ministering, whispering, prompting, stirring OR I can chose to just do my own thing and pursue my own agenda.  But man... I just have to say that what literally took my breath away this past weekend in that beautiful community center and building dedication was the realization of how EXTRAVAGANT God has been in my own life.  He has been SO GENEROUS to give me such an incredible opportunity to serve orphans everyday for the past 7 years plus as my full time occupation.  He has invited me and continues to invite me every single day to further HIS agenda, HIS storyline as He moves all around me to restore and heal that which the enemy has tried to steal and destroy.  When we co-labor with God, there is no place that Gods love can't reach.

My God is a God of hope.
He is abundant grace and forgiveness.
He is peace.

His is authentic joy.

I have found so much JOY in partnering with whatever I sense God is up to around me - the child who needs a hug, the boys who needed a foster mom for a few years, the kids who needed a tutor, the person sitting next to me who needs to hear the gospel message in a raw and honest conversation, the mom who needs to know she's seen, the boy who needed to know his preciousness, and on and on and on.

I just can't believe that serving the least of these is somehow my year round job.

I can't believe that I still live in Mexico after all these years. (and Lord and everyone else knows that I've tried to quit about 100 times)

To whoever is still reading this - bonus points for you - but just hear this one thing: Joy comes from surrendering your desires and your ambitions long enough to listen and watch for what God is up to and then joining Him as he furthers his kingdom.  Who around you at your place of work or in your home of amongst your friends needs encouragement or a tangible reminder of how valuable they are to their creator?  What might God be prompting you to join him in this week?  Who might he be calling you to serve, forgive, be patient with or love?  When God whispers, "Go. Come on.  Let's do this." let us say, "YES!" and follow him into joy.

Little Nuggets

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.... For in him we live and move and have our being."  -- Acts 17:24-28

Man... this blog post has been bubbling up for weeks inside of me and I'm thrilled to finally have the time to sit down and type it out so you can share in my joy. For real. Just JOY.

Each summer, each of our Back2Back sites around the globe, is blessed with the gift of college students who come to serve alongside our full-time staff for a month or two at a time.  If you've never been to a Back2back site in the summer and seen how hard these kids work - let me just paint a picture for you...

They get up early to prep everything for the day.
They make lunch for hundreds of people everyday for 60 days.
They literally scrub trash cans on Saturdays.
They bleach every surface imaginable all the time and bleach their own intern shirts.
They are the ones who clean up everything - projects, cook outs, craft bins, coolers at the end of the day - the pool bathrooms - the dorms week after week.
They leave summer jobs, summer classes, friends, family.
They celebrate the 4th of July with tacos in a foreign country.
They don't get paid.  In fact, they pay B2B for room and board in order to serve our ministry.

As some of you recall, I served with Back2Back some 9 summers ago as one of the summer Monterrey interns. I delayed my college graduation from the University of Florida and left my summer job in order to do so.  I know intimately the ins and outs, the struggles and privileges, the sacrifices and rewards of being an intern around here.

So this summer, no exception, our Monterrey site went through intern applications and made our selections and by the grace of God had probably the best intern crew ever this summer.  They had so much energy, wit, laughter, patience, humility, heart, guts, and strength.

In this world, I think there are 2 types of people - those who GIVE life and those who seem to TAKE the life out of you.  You know the type - you spend the afternoon with someone and when it's over and you're finally at home you think to yourself, "wow what a great day!  I feel so much fuller from spending time with _____."  or the opposite is true and you think something like, "wow that person really sucked the life right out of me.  I hope they don't call me and ask me to go ____ with them again next week."

Well this summer our interns were such life givers.

I was SO BLESSED by them.

So let's back up a bit... I spent the month of May praying about this upcoming summer - my own energy levels, that I'd be able to learn overnight how to project plan and lead groups at Douglas this summer, for my attitude through the exhaustion of day after day, week after week non-stop mission guests to lead and host.  I prayed that Jeremiah 17 would be true of me - that I could be someone who trusts in the Lord to fill me who wouldn't fear when heat/stress/conflict/disappointment came and who wouldn't worry in a year of drought but who would never fail to bear fruit in all circumstances.  I prayed specifically that God would bring me people who would give life in conversation - group members, summer staff or interns - I didn't really care who it came from - I just knew I was craving some positive conversations.

God answered my prayers in the form of interns.  They made me laugh till my abs hurt, put stupid apps that I hardly know how to use on my phone, brought a smile to my face when I needed it, picked up a heavy bin when I couldn't, babysat so I could spend time with my best friend who was leaving Monterrey, and endlessly encouraged me and a lot of our staff.

Some staff are asked to mentor or disciple one or several of these summer interns while they are living on our campus.  I was given 2 and in so many ways I wish that I had time for every single one of the interns.  I learned from and was blessed by these beautiful souls far more than I'm sure I did them.

As I reflect back on everything that I loved about this summer - I keep meditating on this passage:

"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands.  And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.... For in him we live and move and have our being."  -- Acts 17:24-28

God doesn't need us.  He doesn't need me here in Monterrey, Mexico to accomplish his goals.  But He knew before the beginning of time that I'd live here and serve here for years.  He, in his generosity, allows us sometimes to join in whatever He is up to - loving, serving, mending, supporting, guiding, pursuing, encouraging.... He let's us in on it and we get to share in the joy of seeing broken souls find their identity in HIM - find out the truth about who they really are - their real potential and then sometimes we get to watch that transformation happen.  He lets us watch flowers bloom out of the weeds.  Forgotten orphans, defeated, broken, hurting and insecure find the truth and break through the chains of lies that have held them back from walking in the light of their true worth.  I've learned over the years that most orphans have a shame core for their belief system that is so huge it's like the size of Texas.  They don't believe in themselves - they feel unloved, unwanted and worthless.  But I know the truth about these kids - how precious they are - how beautiful they are - how handsome - how smart - how talented.  Man it's a privilege to get to tell them that they are worth something day in and day out.  Thank you to each and every one of you who donate to Back2Back each month so I can live and serve here.

And to all you interns - you are incredible.  THANK YOU for serving here this summer.  Thank you for sacrificing your summers to love on some of my favorite kids.  Thank you for carrying so many of our staff's burdens day in and day out.  You brought me joy.  You this summer gave me life.  May the Lord bless you for your servants' hearts and for all the blood, sweat and tears you left here in Monterrey.

Exciting News!

Ladies and Gentlemen.... boys and girls... I have exciting news....

No I'm not pregnant... no I'm not engaged... it's better...

I got a HUGE scholarship to attend TCU's TBRI Professional Training Program this fall. 

So what is TRBI you might ask?  Directly from their website...

Developed by Dr. Karyn Purvis and Dr. David Cross at the TCU Institute of Child Development, Trust-Based Relational Interventions^® (TBRI^®) is an emerging intervention model for a wide range of childhood behavioral problems. It has been applied successfully in a variety of contexts, and with many children for whom numerous other interventions have failed (e.g., medications, cognitive-behavioral therapies.) TBRI^® is based on a solid foundation of neuropsychological theory and research, tempered by humanitarian principles. It is a family-based intervention that is designed for children who have experienced relationship-based traumas such as institutionalization, multiple foster placements, maltreatment, and/or neglect. For the past ten years, Drs. Purvis and Cross have been implementing and evaluating TBRI^® , and their strategies have proven extremely effective in creating healing environments for children who have come from “hard places.”

If I successfully meet all course requirements - 10 weeks of pre-course homework, the 40 hour on site course in Dallas in October, and then 10 weeks of post-course homework along with some other stuff then I could officially be a certified TBRI educator. 

This is such a HUGE blessing to me for a variety of reasons:

1. I'm so passionate about this research and how I've seen it positively impact the kids I work with

2. I currently teach TBRI principles to B2B staff, children's home caregivers and staff, our local Mexican volunteers, and American group members so it'd be awesome to be certified

3. Show Hope gave me a big scholarship to attend this rather expensive course

4. Dr. Karyn Purvis is incredible and basically the world's leading researcher in not just what can go wrong with kids from hard places but in HOW TO HELP THEM HEAL.  They are teaching techniques to bring healing.  

5.  I get to go officially check out TCU's campus and this program to see if I actually want to get my masters in the future sometime from TCU in Developmental Trauma

So there you have it... Thank you Show Hope for the scholarship.  Thank you Back2Back for supporting this endeavor. Thank you Karyn Purvis for sharing your research and work. 

So in all my spare time (total joke there - I'm SO BUSY this summer) - I'll be completing homework and assignments and quizes.  JOY. 

Summer FUN

I've got one word to describe this summer.... FUN!

One of my jobs here at Back2Back is.... I work with all the mission guests who go to Casa Hogar Douglas (home where I used to live) and it's been a great summer so far.  I've been helping out by doing a lot of our project planning and materials shopping.  I think the employees at Home Depot run in the opposite direction when they see me coming up the isle at this point.  We've installed so many ceiling fans at Douglas this summer that I bought one Home Depot completely out of a certain type of fan. From digging trenches, installing fans, installing mosquito screens on windows, fixing some roofs to installing kitchen shelving... so far our visiting groups have made such an impact.  I love to get things done and I'm very much so looking forward to our next week of guests to help us knock some projects out and get them done.

Back2back's summer is pretty jam packed with American mission teams week after week and one of the best parts of all the craziness of a typical mission trip week with Back2back Monterrey I think is a really good field trip.

One day we brought all the kids from the children's home to a big river with a rope swing and had pretty much the best day ever.

this little guy is ALWAYS the first kid in the river and the last one out

would you believe I flew off this rope swing about 5 times? featured above is my Victor

several of the youngest boys decided that the best way to enjoy a day at the river was to collect frogs and any and all bugs along the river bank

Then there was the time that we went to a Chuck E Cheese type place with an all you can eat pizza buffet and unlimited arcade games. The owners of Incredible Pizza in Monterrey gave us the most incredible and generous pricing packet to make this field trip possible for the children's home.  I pray God blesses them for blessing some of my favorite little ones. 

we drove go carts

played any and every game they had

and won about 30,000 tickets

Also loved the day when we took a roof tarp, covered it with bubbles and went slip n sliding...

What to know the best part?!?!? 

Summer isn't over yet.  It's only July.... more to come.  Stay tuned...

Friday Night Lights

One of my favorite TV shows is Friday Night Lights.  I love american football and the show is just too good not to love.  The high school coach on the show has a saying with his football team and they say it over and over again...

"clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose."

Lately, I've attended a lot of friday night soccer games here in Monterrey.  I've sat on the sidelines in thunderstorms and made my rain jacket work really hard, been eaten alive by mosquitos, one night some red ants attacked me and I've seen my boys lose about 10 games this year.  Truth be told, they have improved SO MUCH in the past 3 years and I attribute it all to their soccer coach Checko who trains them each week.  They have developed pretty decent ball movement, teamwork, solid defensive skills, heart, guts, and no fear. But even so, they don't always come away with a W at the end of the night.

But for me, watching them play soccer is sometimes a rather holy moment... a thin place... where the space between heaven and earth just seems so paper thin.  My soul is full when I watch them laugh and smile, dance like Ronaldo after someone scores a goal, when they play a pick up game like the Bad News Bears on a side field wearing converse and jeans.  They light up with joy, laughter, life and so do I.  In their messed up situation - there is beauty - there is joy.

Also, some of these boys are SO TALENTED at soccer.  They dance on the field.  They play against grown adult men and school them.

Join me in praying for the Douglas boys to have:
clear eyes - Godly vision
full hearts - full of joy and passion
success in the things that matter

1 Corinthians 10:31

CAFO Summit of the Orphan 2015

Better late than never... In May, I was able to attend the Christian Alliance for the Oprhan's Summit of the Orphan in Nashville, TN.  This year was my 6th year in a row attending this conference.  I've learned more from attending this conference each year than I did in my entire college career.  It was at this conference that I first heard about:

* what Casa Viva was doing to establish foster care as an alternative to institutionalized care for kids in Costa Rica
* how sometimes American's efforts to help in 3rd world countries can be harmful
* Karyn Purvis, TCU's Institute of Child Development, TBRI
* the spectrum of orphan care options for vulnerable kids
* Jayne Schooler's trainings in Eastern European orphanages
* wisdom guided love
* empoweredtoconnect.org
* The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis was available in spanish
* The Connection Where Hearts Meet study
* Kid Calm the best liquid Omega 3 supplement ever

I could go on and on because the truth is, I've learned SO MUCH at this conference! I've been so encouraged by the speakers who have shared about their experiences in foster care, adoption and global orphan care efforts.  I've been so encouraged to hear leaders in the field of orphan care share the sometimes hard honest truth regarding not only their successes but their most defeating moments.

I've learned something in my own 7 years of serving orphans in Monterrey, Mexico... orphan care is a very opposed work.  Satan loves to prey on vulnerable, defenseless, voiceless, helpless orphans. Generational sin and it's effects are real.  This is a very difficult and often defeating line of work.

But here is something else I've learned in these past 7 years - one day Jesus will come back and there will be no more pain, no more crying, no more suffering, no more sin, no more abuse, no more neglect, no more rape cases, no more orphans.  Jesus will come back and He will right every wrong because he is the Lord of Justice and truth.  He will right every wrong and dry every tear from every eye. He will place every child in a family.  Families won't fall apart.  Husbands will stay with their wives and will love their children.  There won't be anymore orphanages in heaven.  We'll be out of work in this orphan care world that God has placed me in.

And here is something else I've learned over the years here - God has provided the resources that these precious children need.  God has given to us everything that we need to love and serve the orphans overseas and in our own backyard.  We just have to listen to his voice, say YES when he asks us to welcome someone into our home or family. God will fill us with everything we need to be the difference in the life of maybe just one child.  But for that one child, for that one beautiful face, for those 10 fingers, for that image bearer of our God - it matters.  It makes all the difference.  It changes their lives.  What a beautiful, undeserved honor, what a holy calling to have one of these beautiful children to trust you, accept your healing hugs and to love you back.

I'm so grateful to be able to live and serve here.  God is so good.  He is so faithful.  He loves these kids so much.  How do I know?  Because my love for each of their brown little faces grows with each passing day.

In other news... because I digressed a bit in this post... this year, I was invited to help present a breakout session with Jayne Schooler at the Summit this year in Nashville.  It was an honor.

Be blessed.

Volunteer Training

This month, I had the privilege of training the newest Back2Back Monterrey volunteer recruits. About 45 volunteers from local area churches came together to attend a training on providing trauma competent care to the orphans we serve.

We tailored the training to the various roles these volunteers will fill - tutoring, mentoring, discipling, reading programs, music lessons, etc.  Our desire was for the volunteers to better understand the profile of child they'd be working with in the orphanages - to understand better how past trauma often impacts a child's ability to focus, learn, and behave appropriately.

As we prepared to provide this training, I just kept asking myself, "If these people were about to sit down with my 10 boys, what would I tell them?  What would help them be successful with my kids?" What we came up with turned into a list of practical tips for ways that these volunteers can empower our kids to be successful each time that they have the opportunity to interact with them.

I'll give you some examples:
* Did you know that chronic dehydration is very common in orphanage settings and often leads to an increase in violent behavior in children?  Studies show that by hydrating children with water, 80% of violent behavior can be decreased.

* Did you know that chewing gum or sucking on a lollypop is scientifically proven to be calming to a child and to lower cortisol levels in the brain which allows a child to focus better and momentarily increases their IQ?  Well it's true.  Full sugar bubble gum (sugarless gum doesn't have the same effect) actually can be very beneficial to our kids.

Something that really impacted me during this training time was the realization that God is answering my prayers from years and years ago to see the local church active and responding to the orphans in their own backyard.  Friends - if you've been praying for this for years - know that God is moving heavily in the local churches here in Monterrey.  Back2Back has tons of local churches partnering with us to be a positive presence in the orphanages where we serve.

At the end of the training, there was a time for the participants to work through examples of bad behavior they've seen the kids display.  Afterwards they acted out in groups ways to appropriately respond to the child by connecting to the child and ways that adults often respond or try to discipline inappropriately with disconnecting responses.

As the volunteers acted out their skits, which displayed how much they had grasped from our training day, they kept referring to "Back2Back" with statements like "here comes Back2Back, we have to get ready for their visit."  I was blown away with the realization that not only is Back2Back here in Monterrey:
1. our full time staff
2. our visiting american mission teams

but now it's also
3. our impressive, unpaid, consistent local volunteers

When they referred to "Back2Back," they weren't referring to our staff or our mission teams - which honestly is how I view "Back2Back."  They were referring to themselves - the volunteers who represent our ministry.  It was a third part of B2B that I hadn't quite registered in my mind.

acting out their skits of dealing appropriately with misbehavior

These volunteers are making the difference for many of the kids we work with.  They are providing weekly reading and math skills classes.  They are mentoring kids and teens in the Hope Program.  They are discipling the kids we work with through weekly Bible classes.

It's incredible.  And it was a privilege to try to equip them for their work with the kids.

And then He picks up the pieces

It's been over 6 months since I moved out of the orphanage where I used to live with my 10 little (or not so little anymore) pre-teens.  I figured it is ABOUT TIME that I updated the world on how I'm doing, where I'm at, what I'm doing, etc.  So here goes...

I feel like a completely different person than who I was 6 months ago.  God has truly been hard at work to restore my heart, my passion, my vision and hope.  This fall was a really difficult time for me personally, emotionally, spiritually, relationally and vocationally. I basically had everything that I held dear to me stripped away in the blink of an eye 6 months ago and it's been a long road to climb out of the pit that I found myself in.  But I can honestly say - it was worth it.  I'd do it all over again if given the chance.  And I'm grateful for the prayers and support of so many of you over the past few months.  Any process of refinement, I'm learning, requires the removing or burning away of some parts to leave a more polished finished product. I believe, from experience, that this process is often very painful.  I found that as I fixed my eyes upon Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith as I endured trials and really difficult circumstances - God was able to use it to make my faith more mature and more complete.  

A passage that really encouraged me during this time was John 15:1-2. I've always thought this passage to mean that whatever or whomever doesn't produce fruit will just be cut off and disregarded.  That's not what this passage is saying.  It says, "I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener.  He lifts up, washes off, props up EVERY branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he cleans so that it will be more fruitful."  We all get a little muddy from time to time. Who among us doesn't get covered with our own sin, mistakes, pain, lack of vision, etc and just can't stand up anymore?  When we get to that point - when we can't stand up - the Bible says that God himself will lift us up and wash us off and prop us up so that we can bear good fruit.  That is the gospel.  And that is just beautiful.

So in summary, I feel restored, renewed, revived and refreshed. Praise God!

I still live in Monterrey and I still work full time for Back2Back. 

I have several roles here that I'm pretty stoked to be a part of...

For the past 6 years, I've led the charge of B2B's child sponsorship program at Casa Hogar Douglas (where I used to live) and continue to do so today.  I love getting to celebrate each kid's individual birthday and help sponsors connect to their child.

Every now and then, I help out when Back2Back mission teams visit Casa Hogar Douglas.  A few weeks ago, I got to help pour a concrete roof, which is a real treat for me as I love concrete work.  I also had the privilege of helping some ladies do an extreme home makeover of sorts of one of the boys' dorms - we removed all the mold that tried to make its home inside the the bedroom of 9 teenage boys.  Mold lost. We won.

The most exciting however is the team that I get to work with to train and equip caregivers in the children's homes to provide trauma competent care to the orphans we serve.  This effort is very near and dear to my heart because I know firsthand what it's like to be a full time caregiver in a Mexican orphanage.  These caregivers need love, support, encouragement, hope, ideas, understanding, and practical applications of best practices in dealing with very difficult kids.  We are revising existing training programs and approaches to try to best share what we've learned with the caregivers here in Monterrey.  Some of this is done in more formal classroom settings and other times it's more personal - one on one with caregivers.  What is just so cool is that I now have the opportunity to honor the lessons my boys taught me through their past trauma, behavioral outbursts and difficulties by sharing that experience with others – Back2Back staff, children’s home directors and caregivers.  I want to give life to caregivers in my interactions, conversations, and trainings.  Pray for us to be life givers.

So there you have it.  I'm alive and well.  God is good even when everything falls apart because He is a God who picks up the pieces.