The Battle

2 of my little ones sleeping in the bed they shared back in 2010

Most nights as I lay awake in my bed at the orphanage where I find myself living, I am startled by the screams of one of my little men.  I hear him yelling and screaming and fighting and then jump out of my bed to try to find him and calm him down.  Sometimes he's in the bathroom - sleep walking, other times in my room but more often than not, he is in his bed... screaming and yelling.  He is almost always screaming something about a fight - and is often standing in his bed - totally asleep - having a nightmare of sorts - throwing punches into the air.

My little man is battling.

This has gone on for months and months, night after night.

We decided to try turkey before bed because we'd read that it helps kids sleep.  It worked like a charm for 4 months.

And then my little man decided that he was "better" than the turkey and that he didn't like it anymore and "didn't need it."

So then his nightmares came back.

In the orphanage where I live - there are no bedrooms.... just a whole bunch of kids sharing the same big room that is our dorm.  So when he starts screaming and yelling and punching whatever - it wakes up all 9 of my other boys. When I hear him... I literally run to him to calm him down.

Tonight we put the boys to bed and 30 minutes later - my little one is yelling so I ran to him.... found him on his knees in his bed trying to fight something with his arms all while yelling.

And then it's my turn to battle... spiritually.

I think sometimes as a parent - you have NO idea what your kid might be having a nightmare about and yeah we don't know what is going on in their mind...

but I know my kid's story - some of the horrific things he's witnessed and suffered through...

and tonight as I told him that he was dreaming and that he is asleep and that he is okay and that I'm right there - as I started to pray over him for God to just let his Holy Spirit fall on my little man to protect him as he sleeps... begging for rest and peace - I couldn't help but cry... A LOT.... right there, at his bed.

People often ask me how I manage to "keep it all together in the midst of such sadness or pain" and honestly - I don't.  90% of the time I think I'm a hot mess.  I pray all the time that God would allow my heart to remain soft and to not overlook the pain in my little mens' past and present.

Clinging to hope - hope for the future for some of these kids is a challenge for me.  As I tucked this same little man into bed tonight and I prayed with him saying, "God thank you for the plans that you have for this child.  Thank you that you have plans for his future to prosper him.  Thank you that you desire good in his life."

I might never have the privilege to witness those plans play out or what that "good" might look like for this particular child... and that's okay.  For now, I get to battle with him against whatever darkness is clouding his young life.

Would you please join me in praying for this particular child?
Pray for true, honest, deep, restorative rest.
Pray for this deep sleep to allow him to grow and develop and catch up to his peers physically.
Pray for his broken heart to mend.
Pray for his anxiety levels - they are sky high.
Pray for his self esteem, self worth and identity of self.
Pray for our patience with his less than ideal behaviors throughout the day.
Pray for him to feel safe.
Pray for the darkness to flee.
Pray for Jesus to claim his victory in this child's life.