Pre-Judgement

Visitors with Back2back often ask within minutes of their first encounter with one of the many orphans we serve a question similar to, "How could their parents abandon them like this?" For the 2.5 years that I worked here in Monterrey, my answer has usually been something like, "yeah I know what you mean. I just don't know. I can't imagine what circumstances in life could warrant just walking away from my toddler."

The hours each week I spend with some of these precious children leave me with mixed emotions that range from sadness and frustration to delight and true joy. Sometimes, I am frustrated with the legal guardians - mostly moms - who I see from time to time as they come to visit their kids in the orphanage where they live. I wonder why they haven't gotten their lives together to provide for their kids. I've accused them of choosing a boyfriend over their children. Sometimes I feel as if I am being punished and is if I'm some kind of victim as well because I have to care for 10 of them at once when their moms are nowhere to be found - don't know how they are behaving or struggling or if they are sick and throwing up or won't go down for a nap. And yet I absolutely melt inside when one of them sees their mom in the distance and runs to her and jumps into her arms and just smiles and feels safe and loved and wanted and valued. That image of their reunion will be forever with me. As well as the image of the child screaming and crying as that same mom walks away to catch a bus leaving her child all over again.

Or on the days when their child is scared and feels alone and abandoned and just cries for hours about how they want their mommy. If I honest, I often think of their mom in those moments and I'm frustrated that all this kid has is me.

There are moments in these children's lives where you know that their parents would do anything to witness - when they learn how to read, ride a bike, write their name, participate in a school play, graduate from school, loose their first tooth, learn how to play an instrument or enjoy their birthday present. But their parent isn't there and most of the time, they don't even know these milestones are occurring.

This past week however I have realized that I've been wrong. As I talk more with their parents when they come to visit or listen to my boys tell me about their pasts, I am starting to see a whole need side to their "abandonment." Sometimes, living in a children's home is the best place for a kid. Sometimes, to prevent their father from beating them or attempting to murder his own children again, a mom "hides" her children in an orphanage so he can't hurt them anymore.

I listened to one of my boys after he returned to the dorm from doing his homework his understanding of his life story. When I hear these devastating memories, I am often completely speechless. I have no idea what to say in response to some of the things they tell me. But I was reminded and so was he, that living in an orphanage is actually a good place to be sometimes. He told me that. He said he was thankful to live at Casa Hogar Douglas and that he feels safe there.

And so I immediately thought again about his mom and all the ways I've been wrong in my judgement of her. All along I've thought that she chose her new boyfriend over her children. I could not have been more wrong. You see, she loves her children and it's obvious when you see her interact with them. She NEVER misses a visitation day. She buses for 2 to 3 hours ONE WAY just to see her kids on sundays and then turns around and does it again for another 2 to 3 hours to get home. She works 6 days a week at a factory and works 12 hour shifts. She is just trying to protect her children. And in an average week I spend between 40 and 60 hours with her children and she gets maybe 2 hours with them on Sundays. It's not fair. It's not fair for her kids, for her or for me. And yet that's just how it is. So we've got to make the best out of a bad situation.

Beth likes to say that "the story isn't over yet." I know it isn't. Isaiah 43:19 that He "will make a way in the wilderness." Make a way Jesus. Make a way.

Small Victories

Betty helping the 2nd graders work out some word problems in their math books

Yesterday, I spent 3 hours with a rather difficult child trying to get him to stop crying and just do his homework. He cried and cried saying that, "There is just too much homework and I don't want to do it." At one point he tried to rationalize with me and say, "I don't like letters or words. I only like numbers. Let me do math instead. When will I ever need to know this in the future?" Those of us trying to help him honestly sat back and giggled in secret at first because he's just adorable. And the agony that he was in was being expressed in such an over the top and over exaggerated manor.

At one point, I told him to come outside with me and run laps on the sport court. We did. He laughed and he beat me. And then gladly walked back into the homework room to try again only to start crying again within a matter of 3 minutes.

The other children in the room, one after another, finished their rather long homework to all of us cheering for them and throwing them into the air, giving them high fives. The proud looks on each of their faces was priceless.

But not for my partner for the day. He just kept crying and kept writing and yelling each letter as he wrote them.

I had to celebrate the fact that this particular child was actually doing his homework - regardless of his awful attitude that day. He has done his homework every single day this year. Last year, I think he completed his homework maybe 10 times. He is learning to read. He likes the reading games that Ruby made for him. He is very good at math. And most days, he can be calm enough to sit in a chair and do 1 to 2 hours of homework. That's incredible. That's night and day improvement from a year ago.

Tomorrow, we are going to take all the 1st and 2nd graders to McDonalds for some happy meals to celebrate how hard they are working everyday. I might even buy them ice cream cones.

Week 2 Tutoring Update

After 2 weeks - about 20 hours- of assisting in the tutoring of the 1st and 2nd graders at Douglas, I feel super encouraged and motivated.

I decided to focus on tutoring these grades after watching a fellow Back2Back staff member - Betty - volunteer and sacrifice 10 to 15 hours each week last semester by herself trying to teach these kids how to read, add, subtract and get their homework done daily. Betty is honestly my hero. She cares about the well being of each child at Douglas in a way that is inspiring. She daily puts her own needs aside to desperately try to improve every aspect of these children's lives. Betty fully embodies what I think it means to be a social worker. She stands in the gap everyday and in every way for these kids. Betty can often be found literally pounding on people's desks in demand of improvement for the 70 kids of Casa Hogar Douglas. Betty is simply just awesome. And I really just want to help her in her efforts to give all the 1st and 2nd graders a solid educational foundation.

3 of the 7 students can read. The other 4... are all on rather different levels with regards to reading and math skills. Some can't identify numbers or any letters, can't read at all, can't add, etc. Others are on the verge of reading short words and it's evident how hard Betty has slaved last semester to get them to that point.

Another fellow Back2Back staff member - Ruby - teaches the Back2Back staff kids full time has given me lots of fun educational games to play with the kids to teach them letters, numbers, sounds and to practice reading. After 2 weeks, none of the kids have figured out that playing these games with me is like doing extra homework. They think of it as a reward or a prize. If that is not success, I don't know what is.

My goal: I want all 1st and 2nd graders at Douglas to be able to read short words by June and I can sort see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Freezing Fun

Last week was really cold and it rained a ton in Mexico. We had no snow but when it is below 5 degrees Celsius, the kids do not go to school (Mexican version of a "snow day") because the public schools have no heaters and they think it's wrong for kids to sit in a classroom that is around 40 degrees F or below. Most buildings here have no insulation or climate control. So if it is cold outside, it is around the same temperature inside buildings.

But thanks to some fun winter clothes donations from my cousins, the boys were not only warm and styling but also laughing because they thought their clothes were so fun.

Oziel laughed for at least an hour while playing with his puppy dog puppet gloves and beanie. He put on a rather violent puppet show where dogs eat other children and then attack each other.

Alexis and Isai listened to me and showered when I asked them to without me having to ask them multiple times so they got first pick of the new PJs I had brought. Once they realized that these PJs were glow n the dark - they turned the dorm lights on and off for the next 2 hours just so they could see themselves glow. The bathtime/bedtime routine is never chill when you have 10 boys under the age of 7 but this night was especially crazy as you can imagine. 2 other boys had glow n the dark pirate PJs. On an extremely positive note for their full time caregiver - Katy - the older boys are now running to be the first to bathe and follow instructions so they can have first pick of the the PJs which is a huge improvement.

Reunited

Today I got to see most of my boys for the first time since before Christmas break. If you were with me, this is a sampling of what you would have heard:

"Caaa-LO-liiiiinne!!! Hi! You are going to read stories to me now! The very hungry caterpillar first ok? Look Katy, Carloline is back and we are going to read stories right now." -- Oziel

"Carloline! You get my bike down now?" - David

"CAROLINE!!!! Hug me! I love you so much!!!" -- Fernando

"Where did you go?" - Israel

"You were with my mom weren't you? You gave her pictures of me. She told me about it." - Jose

I gave them all their children's vitamins, yelled at the older boys to get off the trampoline because only 4 can jump at one time - not 12, played memory with Jose and Fernando, did some numbers flash cards with some others, read books to David and Oziel and cut everyone's fingernails.

Tomorrow - they are all mine from sun up to sun down. I can't wait.

Why God is my MVP

Lately I've been furiously angry with those who keep trying to take advantage of my orphan friends. So I turn to the Bible to either make me more angry or calm me down - depends on my mood. And this is why me and God are great friends:

Psalm 140:12 -- "I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy."

You take advantage of orphan children - you have another thing coming...

Amos 8:3-10 -- “In that day,” declares the Sovereign LORD, “the songs in the temple will turn to wailing. Many, many bodies—flung everywhere! Silence!”

⁴ Hear this, you who trample the needy
and do away with the poor of the land,

⁵ saying,

“When will the New Moon be over
that we may sell grain,
and the Sabbath be ended
that we may market wheat?”—
skimping on the measure,
boosting the price
and cheating with dishonest scales,
⁶ buying the poor with silver
and the needy for a pair of sandals,
selling even the sweepings with the wheat.

⁷ The LORD has sworn by himself, the Pride of Jacob: “I will never forget anything they have done.

⁸ “Will not the land tremble for this,
and all who live in it mourn?
The whole land will rise like the Nile;
it will be stirred up and then sink
like the river of Egypt.

⁹ “In that day,” declares the Sovereign LORD,

“I will make the sun go down at noon
and darken the earth in broad daylight.
¹⁰ I will turn your religious festivals into mourning
and all your singing into weeping.
I will make all of you wear sackcloth
and shave your heads.
I will make that time like mourning for an only son
and the end of it like a bitter day."

Back to 1st Grade

I'm back in Monterrey now and have found myself with some time on my hands today and decided to spend a day trying to create a "learning tool box" for my 1st and 2nd graders. I have no flash cards for anything - I must have given them all away to other children's homes in donations this past August so I am going to make my own flash cards and draw my own pictures. I have plenty of books for my pre-school kids. We read books in spanish for hours, work on coloring, learning to count to 10 in english and spanish, and learn colors. But once they hit 1st grade, I have noticed that I back off and stay far away from the homework tables.

Well, first semester is over, we got their grades back and honestly almost half of the 20 little boys that I take care of weekly are failing or below grade level and most can barely read and write at all.

Up until now, I told myself that homework was someone else's problem because I just don't speak good enough spanish. This past September was the first time I felt confident enough to read out loud to my boys in spanish. Since then, we've developed in interest in reading, books, a respect for books, and the patience to listen to someone reading for almost a hour or more in one sitting. That's progress. I didn't chicken out then but I've spent some time now online looking at games to learn the alphabet and learn numbers and I'm overwhelmed. I studied science in college not elementary education. But like Paul said he was going to be all things to all men - I'm going to be mom and teacher. Perhaps my boredom and the quietness of wondering what battle is next for me is over... I think I've found a battle that seems bigger than me quicker than I thought I would (funny how that works)- I want my boys to learn to read and do basic math.

Pray for me to stick this out and stand in the gap for my boys.

If you have websites that offer free downloads in spanish that you recommend or have simple instructions for learning games to play with kindergarten, 1st and 2nd graders who struggle with sitting still, apathy towards homework, most have learning disabilities... I'm open to suggestions - so send them my way. post a comment or email me at ceburns@ufl.edu