What is happening to me?

I'm 28 years old.  I'm single. I live in Mexico.  For some insane reason, I've been here for 5 years now.  Oh and I have 9 boys.

Something - or a whole lot of that is just strange to me.  My life doesn't look like most peoples.  My typical 24 hour period looks insane even to me.  The number of plates and cereal bowls and spoons that I wash in 24 hours is out of control.  Last night for example, I put 15 children to bed.

Chaos.

Yelling.

Demands.

Tantrums.

Laughter.

Tears.

Arguments.

Discipline.

Joy.

Passion.

Calling.

I have absolutely no idea how I got here or how long I'll be here but I'm thankful.

Friday night, me and my 9 boys needed to be in 2 places at once on opposite sides of a very large city (Mexico's 3rd largest to be exact) in a peak rush hour.  Sammy thought it'd be a good idea to borrow one of the Back2Back vehicles so that we could all fit into one car.  It turned out to be a life saver.  We had to leave a government sponsored event for orphanages to drive across town to make it to our boys' soccer tournament game but hit crazy traffic and almost missed their game.

The next day I woke up convinced that I need a suburban so that all 11 of us can comfortably fit in one vehicle.  I'm talking CONVINCED.

What is happening to me?  I have no idea.

Room for One More

Mother's Day was celebrated last week.  In Mexican public schools, they go all out for just about every holiday but for Mother's Day they cancel school, they have parties for the moms, they make gifts for the moms, practice dances to perform for the moms, etc.  It's big.

Imagine being an orphan without a mom during that entire week with reminder after reminder that you aren't like everybody else.  Imagine copying the following homework assignment into your homework notebook:  "Bring in a card for your mom, 20 pesos for flowers for her, and a picture of you and your mom for tomorrow."

Granted, some of my boys, even though they live in an orphanage apart from their biological mom - have a mom.  They know what she looks likes and throughout the year they see her every now and then.  Of my 9 boys this is the case for 5 of them.  These 5 wrestle everyday with the question of WHY - Why did she leave me?  Why can't she take care of me?  Why can't I live with her?  What is wrong with me?  Is it my fault?

But 4 of my boys don't even know what their mom looks like.  Several of these moms are dead or just left the kids at birth basically.

So to put it lightly - the week of Mothers Day can be a little rough in the life of an orphan.

One of my boys has lived at this same orphanage for the past 10 years.  I am sure that he couldn't pick out his biological mom out of a line up of women.  He has no idea what she looks like.  We have no photos... no idea if she is alive.  We know nothing.  But on Mother's Day he walked up to me and said the following...

"What day is it today?  It's Mother's Day right?  Well, Happy Mother's Day Caroline.  You and Sammy are my mom because you take care of all of us- of our whole dorm."

I can't begin to try to express how difficult verbal communication is for that child but it was one of the most eloquent and clearly communicated conversations I've ever heard come out of his mouth.

Fast forward 24 hours and I'm praying at the bedside of one of my other boys' beds with him before bed.  I finished.  We said "amen," and I gave him a hug and kiss goodnight as he says, "Caroline you forgot to pray for someone else in my family.  (I always pray for their family members)  You forgot to pray for you.  And you are in my family too." 

9 months.  9 boys.  I could list a ton of things that I'm sure that they have learned in that time but the truth is - I am the one who is learning.  My boys are teaching me all about adoption - about the spirit of adoption.  They are teaching me that there is always room for one more at the table, on the couch, in the home and in my heart.  When I feel like I can't handle the details of each of their 9 complicated lives and endless list of needs and demands - they somehow remind me that there is and should be room for more.  We can love more.

A Hug

All of my boys are incredibly special.  They are special to the creator of the universe who decided to put each one of them into my care and later into the depths of my heart.

They are also trouble makers, tantrums throwers, manipulators, liars, cheaters, thieves, hurtful and down right annoying at times.

For those reasons - many people in this world like their teacher, school principal or orphanage director - would agree with me and God in saying that they are for sure "special" but not necessarily in a good way on account of their frequently "bad" or otherwise "special" behaviors.

They are not easy to love.  But I'm going to let you in on a secret that not even my special boys all fully realize....

God - the almighty, powerful and compassionate God - is absolutely, 100%, without a shadow of a doubt in love with each of them.  He is crazy about them.

One of the privileges of my past 9 months living with these boys has been to witness some of this immeasurable love that God has for these orphans.

In the Bible, God promises to love the orphan, to make them a home, to hear them, come to them, be their helper, give food and clothing to them, protect them, lift them out, to rescue them...

My boys have all been abandoned, neglected, abused, ignored, shot down, beat down, put out and tossed aside - all 9 of them - no exceptions.

But God is pursuing each of them with unrelentless love day after day.  One of my boys let me hug him this week and for the first time ever, he leaned in.  He lingered.  He almost seemed to hug me back but didn't move.

Y'all that is a mountain in this child's emotional development and God is moving that mountain right before my eyes.  Praise Him!