Caroline in Mexico

Where the Wild Things are

2012-01-26T13:19:00.007-06:00

There is just something about my boys' silliness and wild outbursts of laughter, jokes, spinning in circles uncontrollably, pretending to fly while landing flat on their faces and blowing bubbles in their milk that I absolutely love.

This past week another one of the orphanage workers noticed how energetic and down right crazy the boys were acting at dinner. The entire table was uncontrollably laughing and goofing around, pretending to make farting noises and doing everything except eating their dinner. At multiple points, I the "adult in charge" just sat back and laughed with them. The other caregiver said, "what in the world did you give them?!!?!?" I like to think that I'm giving them a plateful of attention, with a glass of my own jokes, a spoonful of stories and the freedom to have some imagination.

These precious little boys can't even be serious when they are on the toilet. After dinner, I had a whole army singing about spiders and swaying back and forth as they sat on the toilets, 3 pre-schoolers all in a row singing and swaying like drunken miniature pirates.

I'm finding that all too often, orphans lose their playfulness, joy and imagination far too prematurely for their physical age. They grow up too fast because their abandonment forces them to. I'm grateful to see evidence of the contrary every now and again... even if it means a little chaos.

The impossible

2012-01-25T15:49:00.002-06:00

It is with extreme excitement and joy that I post the following prayer request....

We now have reason to believe that with the new laws in the state of Nuevo Leon regarding the rights of minors living in orphanages, several of the sweet little faces I see everyday might become adoptable sometime in the next few months or years. I am not known by anyone to be patient. I don't exactly have the best track record in "waiting patiently for the Lord" like the Bible tells us to do over and over again. But I do believe God is answering some of my prayers and some of your prayers with this advancement. What was once impossible - to actually see a parent's rights to a child who they haven't visited or provided for in YEARS be severed - is looking and sounding like it might actually be possible. You see, many of the sweet children I care for daily have spent years of their lives without being visited by a single family member. Yet, those same family members - mom or dad - still hold the parental rights to the child - which leaves the child stuck in an orphanage for their entire childhood and without the legal "go ahead" to be considered "adoptable." To me, that is a crime. These sweet children need to have their rights defended and at some point have their "voice" be legally heard.

Thus, would you join me in trying to be ardent in prayer and to wait with eager anticipation for God to open some legal doors for my favorite orphans out of 170 some odd million orphans around the world? Some of my little men, will never go live with their families. They will never know what it would have been like to grow up in a family. They will never have their "mom" or "dad" attend a school function when all the other parents come to celebrate their children's accomplishments. But if the new law is enforced and their individual cases examined, I do believe that with God's hand moving some things around, some of these precious children could become adoptable. Please pray with me.

A new kind of request

2012-01-24T08:37:00.003-06:00

"Caroline do you have another one for me? I finished the last one already. Can I trade it for a new one?"

During my 4 years here in Mexico, I've been asked questions like the above almost daily regarding donation shoes or clothes because they don't like their old ones anymore. These days however, the kids at Casa Hogar Douglas are asking me for something other than clothes - they are asking for BOOKS. The past few months, one 10 year old and one 11 year old boy read Diary of a Wimpy Kid for fun, on their own, in their free time. I believe those particular boys reading is the fruit of me forcing them to read in the afternoons all last year. But now another group of children in the orphanage have started reading on their own. The oldest girls dorm has started asking for fun chapter books to read. They come to my car and ask to trade out their books. Some are finishing a book each day.

If you ask me, God is letting his blessings just rain down on the lives of these children through literacy. I am determined to see more of these children be at grade level. Reading is the key. They can't complete their assignments for any other subject if they can't effectively read and write.

I am so thankful for the abundant resources we've been given over the years. We already have a library at Douglas. We already have a ton of books. We just didn't have any kids interested in reading anything. I think the tide has changed. The "build it and they will come" concept seems to be on full display right before my eyes.

Yesterday, I witnessed an 8 year old boy who has never been to school a day in his life read a Dr. Seuss book. I like to think that I had a small role in his learning to read these past 2 months. Just incredible - doesn't matter who you are - I think God wants the kids at Douglas to read.

And to think.... the spark that set this all rolling was a 4 year old boy 16 months ago who fell in love with Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see?

Pray their love for reading grows and matures. Pray that more of the girls would start reading for fun. Pray that a miracle would happen in the oldest boys dorm and that even one boy would desire to read. Pray for more titles to be available in spanish. The boys want more of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid series but only 5 of the 8 books are translated in spanish. The Nate series would be great for a ton of the boys but it's not available in spanish. Pray we'd find something to spark their interest. Pray for God to be glorified as their knowledge grows.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-22T20:30:00.007-06:00

Merry Christmas from my house to yours!

I was able to bring some of the boys from Douglas over to my house for a few days of their Christmas break from school. We made lots of ornaments and talked about how Christmas day is actually Jesus' birthday. At first, they said I was lying about that - that Christmas day couldn't possibly be anyone's actually birthday. But I was persistent and won the debate.

Happy Birthday Baby Jesus!

2 boys have finished book 4!!

2011-12-14T15:25:00.002-06:00

Just to encourage anyone who is reading this.... miracles do happen. Not one but TWO of the boys - Miguel age 10 and Jonathan age 11 - have now read the first 4 books in the series - Diary of a Wimpy Kid. They read them for fun. They fight over the books for who gets to read first or who gets to take the copy to school with them.

That's down right INCREDIBLE!!! These precious children are soooo smart and have the potential to do and study and be literally anything they want to be in this life.

Pray for the rest of the boys in this dorm to catch the reading bug. Cesareo is thinking about it. He picked up the first book in the series.

When they fall apart

2011-12-13T21:48:00.004-06:00

Some of the orphans we serve have a mom. Some of the orphans we serve get to spend the weekend or a holiday with their families every once in a while. Others children never go anywhere and no one ever visits them. After these visits or trips to “mom’s” house, the family member leaves them again. As one might expect, this is repetitively traumatic for the kids. Over my years here in Monterrey working at the specific orphanage I work at, I’ve seen this more times than I’d like to admit. I’ve been asked too many times by a mother to pry her screaming toddler off of her so that she can leave without him chasing her down the driveway. I’ve had screaming children pee on me in this process. It’s their nightmare. And for some, it happens frequently. Their little hearts just shatter. And I’m left restraining the child as we both just cry it out.

Sometimes the small child is dropped off by their mom while still asleep so that the child wakes up alone, in an orphanage, only to realize that she’s gone again.

This happened to one of my little men last week on the day I was in charge of his dorm.

I didn’t realize it at first. I woke him up from his nap because he had been asleep for far too long. And he just cried. He cried so pathetically. It seemed unlike him. He wouldn’t speak to me. My 5 year old little man cried on the floor of the bathroom with me sitting next to him begging him to use his words and tell me what was wrong. Nope. He just sobbed and screamed. So I decided to try a new location. I moved him to a different room and tried to hug him. I had to force his arms around me to hug me because he wouldn’t move. This went on for at least 20 minutes.

“What is wrong? …. Are you just sleepy? Are you still mad at me for putting you in time out hours ago? Are you mad at the big boys? What happened? Use your words please. Why are you sad?”

“Are you sad because you are back in the orphanage again?”

Finally he said yes to one of my questions.

I had forgotten that his mom had dropped him off at his pre-school and that the orphanage workers had taken him back to the orphanage at the end of the pre-school day. It was Tuesday, his usual “adjustment day” to being back at the orphanage. So he takes a nap, wakes up and realizes that this is real life…. The orphanage again.

Fighting back my own tears, I held him and told him that it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to miss your mom. It stinks that he has to live in an orphanage. And that I bet his mom misses him too. I bet she’ll change her life soon so that you can go home with her forever. I know someday soon you’ll get to go home with her forever. She loves you so much. You are her only child. You are her favorite. She probably can’t wait to be with you again. (I’m not actually sure any of that is true but that’s what I told him). And you know that I love you so much. Actually, God sent me here to be with you because God loves you so much. God is never going to leave you alone. He will always be with you. He loves you so much. He sent me to help take care of you and to love you. You are why I’m in this country.

After all that, he decided to talk to me again. On a side note, can I just mention how difficult it is to take care of 10 child at once in a foreign language who WON’T TALK TO ME from time to time?!? Or how just throw all of their anger at me for every hurt in their lives? No one ever said this would be easy.

The meltdown from this little man in particular surprised me a bit. I didn’t think he was capable of such emotions anymore. I thought he had already hardened his heart to his mom and her constantly abandoning him. But he hasn’t. I kept silently thanking God for keeping this little one’s heart soft. It’s was actually a very healthy reaction that I haven’t seen in him for over a year now.

Would you please pray for a full time Christian therapist to serve this home? Would you pray for the funding- one time gift for the year or monthly specific giving to hire someone? Would you pray for the right person to come along to help these children cope and process their stories?

Jesus you are the great counselor. You know the pain that these orphans deal with on a daily basis. We know that you are the only one who can heal their broken hearts. God thank you for the ways that you love these children. Thank you for the people you send to love them in your name. Jesus would you send us someone who will use your Word, who will use Biblical principles to help these children heal? God break down the barriers that prevent us from giving these children that specific outlet for their emotions. Jesus make a way. Send us the right person or persons. You own the cattle on a thousand hills God. You got this.

Candlelight Service at Douglas Church

2011-11-30T15:49:00.007-06:00

This week, we have a really fun group of women serving with us here in Monterrey to celebrate Christmas with the children in the orphanages. They bake cookies, help the kids make ornaments, decorate christmas trees, sing Christmas carols, put up christmas lights, watch christmas movies, and they bring a lot of presents. Basically, they are santa's elves. And our LDM building becomes "Santa's Workshop" for a week. It's a total blast for everyone involved.

But this year at Douglas, after dinner, presents, decorating cookies and ornaments we went up to the church to have a time of carols and some worship.

Then they gave every single child a candle and we sang silent night in english and spanish.

My little man, Oziel who is 5 years old said it best, "Caroline!! Look!! Look around Caroline!! It's so beautiful!!" It was definitely a first for the Douglas church. All the workers were so nervous. But the kids loved it. It was beautiful.

And we didn't burn the place down - total miracle.

Miguel read an ENTIRE chapter book

2011-11-30T15:10:00.003-06:00

Twice each week, I work for one of the full time caregivers at Casa Hogar Douglas so that they can have a day of rest. The workers leave and I'm in charge. Thus, I am in charge of our daily schedule, chores, procedures, activities - more or less.

The boys hated homework time. Many could hardly read at all which only made homework more painful because their assignments were often above their skill level. They often wouldn't complete all of their homework and almost always skipped the assignment to "read for 15 minutes daily" and then get a signature. We as the ministry of Back2Back hope and dream that each of these children would one day be able to go to high school or college. Seeing day after day how far behind they were in school only made me nervous for their academic futures.

It was about one year ago when I decided to try to force my "big boys" (the dorm of boys ages 9 to 11) to read extra in addition to their homework. They needed it so badly. I am in charge of them for an entire day. If they aren't reading, it's 1/7th my fault. I was scared of their reaction so I twisted their arms by allowing them to play with my N64 after they took turns reading books for me. At first, they whined and complained. They'd read because they wanted to play video games.

As the months went by, the boys completely expected this as part of our daily routine. The concept of "read to play" became engrained in their minds. It got easier to get them to read for me. Some read so poorly that they could hardly finish reading one page of a story in 15 minutes but their confidence levels improved.

I was in charge of this dorm this past Friday and decided to test out how well they'd respect my books if I left a few with them to use for the reading part of their homework later in the next week. When I returned on Monday to take care of them again for the whole day so their caregivers could rest, I was absolutely shocked to find every single book still in the dorm and in good condition.

But then one of the 10 year olds told me something that honestly almost made me cry. He said he finished Diary of a Wimpy Kid over the weekend on his own. Friday night, I had a hard time putting him to bed because he wanted to sit in the bathroom where the light was still on so he could keep reading even though the entire dorm was in bed.

THE WHOLE BOOK. He read the ENTIRE book!!!!! His first ever big boy chapter book!

He loved it. He thought it was hilarious.

When I told him that a donor had just given me the books for the entire series literally that same day he smiled ear to ear and asked if I'd bring him the next book so he could start reading it that same day.

Unless you've struggled and battled to get your own child to read (which my mother did with me my entire childhood) you might not be able to comprehend how huge this is. But to see it in an orphanage dorm with a child who I can guarantee never had a book read to him as a little boy growing up is insane to me.

One year later, one of the 10 boys in that dorm likes to read for fun.

I've decided that if he reads all 5 books in the series that I'm going to give his entire dorm a pizza party one weekend. Miguel has already told me many times that he hopes and dreams to study and go to high school and college someday. He's said that he wants to be a psychologist to help people with their problems. As much as I like to think that I believe in him and that I'm his biggest fan - I don't even come close to loving him like God does. God is this little boy's biggest fan and I can imagine God just cheering Miguel on as he reads. Thank you God that one of these boys likes to read. Thank you Jesus for video games and the pull it has on little boys. Thank you God that this is working even if it's just one boy.

Miguel, buddy, I believe in you and in your dreams. I can't wait to see the man you'll become years from now. I am so unbelievably proud of you.

When they say, "Thank you"

2011-11-26T12:07:00.002-06:00

My thoughts this past week revolved around Thanksgiving. I figured that I'd write a post or two about things I'm thankful for.... seemed appropriate. This was my 4th Thanksgiving in a row spent at a Mexican orphanage. I've been blessed for the past 4 years to live outside of the prosperity that I'd grown accustomed to after spending my entire life in a well to do Floridian beach community. Living in Mexico has really opened my eyes to some many things that I've taken for granted - like clean water, electricity, education, public safety, and my family. But tucking my boys in last night left such a big impact on me that I've decided to share about that instead...

My boys in the orphanage where I work say, "thank you," from time to time. Sometimes they say it because I've refused to serve them juice in the dining hall unless they use the special, "please" and "thank you" words. Other times it's because I've brought them some fruit from my fridge for a snack. But last night, one of the boys really caught me off guard with his simple words of gratitude.

All I did was tuck him into his bed last night. I had made up his bed with some clean sheets and helped the little man get under his covers. He seemed kind of surprised by the act and looked me straight in the eye and just said, "thank you." It was as if he was saying, "you didn't need to do that for me."

Of course I told him, "you're welcome. Would you like to pray before you fall asleep?" He agreed and we prayed.

There is just something altogether not right when an 8 year old thanks someone for tucking him into bed. When did I ever thank my mother for tucking me in?

I'm learning a lot these days about how our heavenly Father delights in us as his children. I'm learning more about what that means - because I sincerely delight in the presence of these precious children. I think that's how God must feel when He thinks of us. I hope and pray everyday that these little ones will feel loved - that they'll feel wanted and cared for and payed attention to enough - and some for the first time in their lives - to feel loved enough here on this earth to be able to believe and see how much their heavenly Father adores them. He created each one and made each one perfect. I guess for now, that is why I'm here. That's why I work the hours that I do. That's why I serve these kids. At the end of the day, if my boys feel loved then I guess I've succeeded in something.

God you so passionately love and adore each one of my boys. It is so clear and obvious to see the ways that you provide for them, fight for them and hurt for them. I pray that in this Christmas season, in and amongst all the gifts that they'll receive, that they'd feel loved by the people who matter most - to help them understand and be able to feel how much you love them. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Time to just pray

2011-11-22T10:23:00.003-06:00

This morning, like every Tuesday morning, I had the privilege of getting the little boys from Douglas out of their beds and ready for school. Sammy has been going with me for months now to help the inevitable craziness of trying to provide quality care in the institutionalized environment that these boys call home. After the boys' breakfast though, we got to talking about one boy in particular. And if I'm honest with you, which I will be... I'm completely sick of the lack of forward movement for this little man. I'm fed up. I'm over it. I want action on his behalf and I want it now.

Wouldn't it be a shame if this beautiful little child stayed in an orphanage for the next 10 years of his life? I believe it would be. Would you join me in praying for him? Would you pray that the government would produce a "real" birth certificate.... apparently the one he got last year from the pre-school is a fake and has the wrong birthday. He's already spent 4 years in an orphanage without a birth certificate and without a family and without any forward progress from social services. God is the only one here who can change his cards. Let's pray this little man into a family.

Perhaps this Christmas season we could give little Alex a gift - prayers for a hope of a brighter future. God please send heavenly angels to fight on his behalf in the heavenly realms. Join me. It's time to fight.

A First

2011-11-05T12:37:00.004-06:00

This past week I had the opportunity to introduce reading to several little girls who were recently dropped off at a children's home we serve. After hearing a snippet of their case history, I was pretty sure that no adult had ever read a story to them before in their entire lives.

So I brought a few books and just started reading. They weren't sure what to do at first. Should they just listen to me or look at the pictures? They chose the first, with their huge eyes just staring at me as I read. Honestly, I think they were shocked that I spoke spanish. After a few stories, their eyes shifted over to the pictures. They were captivated. They giggled. Their eyes got big.

And that was all it took because now I'm pretty sure they are hooked.

We read about 10 books. Several of the Eric Carl's were read 2 and 3 times each per their request.

And then the 4 year old decided to read to me. She had already memorized Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see?

I'm not a teacher. But my mom is. She read to me when I was little. She taught me. Orphans need someone to read to them. They need one on one time and attention. I hope and pray that the little boys who I read anywhere from 10 to 30 books each week to are going to repeat the cycle of reading to their own kids one day.

But now I'm hooked. I'm hooked to the thrill they get when they hear a story read for the very first time. Something inside of them just lights up. It's so simple yet so huge for their development.

Mom, thanks for reading to me. Thanks for all the trips to the public library. Thanks for reading Inside Outside Over There about 10,000 times. Thank you for making me read for an hour every day in the summer even though I hated it. Thanks for paying me in high school to read the same books that my 9 year old brother was reading. And thank you for buying books in Spanish for my boys. You never quit.

50 cents

2011-10-31T15:15:00.006-06:00

What would you guess that a 7 year old would buy with 50 cents? I'll bet you didn't guess fireworks. And I'll bet you didn't guess that he could buy them at school. Well me neither. But my 7 year old brought them to my house this weekend and insisted that we light them off as soon as it was dark. So after bath time, complete with Toy Story PJs, I did what any respectable parent would do. I let him blow stuff up, in front of his little brothers.

David held his ears.

And boy was it fun.

Happy 5th Birthday Oziel

2011-10-25T10:08:00.006-05:00

"How old are you?!" - I'm 5

So much could be said about this little man. He's spent half of his childhood in 3 different orphanages. He's had more turnover in orphanage caregiver who was responsible for him in these past few years than I probably had with babysitters. But for some reason, God has caused our paths to connect and Oziel has spent almost half of his birthdays by coming to my apartment for the weekend. Actually, last year on his 4th birthday was the first time he asked if he could spend the night at my house and not go back to the orphanage after a play date. It was the first time I ever asked permission and the first time he ever stayed over. This year for his 5th birthday - of course we kept that record going. In the past year, I've spent more time with these boys than I ever could have imagined - Oziel's sibling set actually spends almost every single weekend at my house at this point but we specifically celebrated Oziel's 5th birthday on that particular weekend with ice cream, pizza, swimming, the trampoline, and of course - Monster trucks for his bday.

In the past year, Oziel has learned to count, in kindergarten Oziel knows more letters of the alphabet than some of the first graders at Douglas, knows his colors and is learning to write his name. He has memorized at least 20 books and is a wizard when it comes to puzzles.

One of my proudest moments this past year was the afternoon that he learned to swim in the big pool with his water wings. He's like a little fish these days.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." ~ Isaiah 64:4

Prerequisites to Success

2011-10-24T13:58:00.008-05:00

I'm sure that you've heard a million times that reading is FUNDAMENTAL to learning. Imagine a 3rd or 5th grader trying to tackle his math word problems for homework but has no idea what the problem is because he can't read so he waits for you to read it to him and help him set up the math. This scene is far too common place for me to stomach sometimes. But orphans in orphanages don't always get the amount of individualized attention they need to succeed academically. This is a HUGE deal when you consider that the ticket out for these kids is their education.

When I was little, my mom took me to the public library every single week to pick out all my favorite books. I recently tried to find my original copies of all my favorite childhood stories and realized that we never actually owned most of them but rather we just checked them out of the library over and over again. My mom read to me before bed. As I got older, she required that me and my siblings read for one hour every summer afternoon - like it or not. She was onto something here...

Day after day here at the institution I work at, seeing the night and day difference between my academic upbringing and the snip its of time orphans receive for reading instruction - if at all - got me thinking. Add to the situation the fact that public libraries in Mexico are a foreign concept for the kids.

I am in charge of different dorms of kids on different days so I decided about a year ago to start incorporating reading into my day with the boys. It was easy with the little guys because they LOVE sitting in your lap and hearing a story read out loud but I was nervous about the 9 to 12 year old bunch. They have surprised me because they actually love it. They laugh as they comprehend funny parts of the stories. They smile. They don't hate reading like I thought they would. We read out loud for 20 minutes and then they are allowed to play my N64. These 20 minutes which can sometimes go on for an hour when certain boys want to take their 20 minutes of reading individually by reading out loud to me is honestly my favorite part of my entire day with this dorm.

Many of the books that we read on a weekly basis have been donated my several of you readers I'm sure. Thank you for shopping online or in bookstores for children's books in spanish. Thank you for donating to these kids' futures.

Conduit

2011-10-19T11:05:00.007-05:00

Days like yesterday, when I get to be with my 10 boys from sun up to sun down, have a way of surprising me at times. I'm not sure why I'm not "used to it" by now or why I sometimes have to metaphorically step back to gain a better perspective. But God is doing something through me. And what He is doing through me is doing something in me. I've never really been a kid person. If someone asked me to do some kids ministry to help them out, I'd probably giggle and say, "Me!? Are you serious? No, I'm not good with kids. Ask someone else." But when it comes to the least of these, I don't think whatever box we have chosen to put ourselves in seems to matter much to God. Yesterday I was reminded of exactly why I live here.

Twice a week, I take over all the caregiving for a dorm of 10 boys so that those caregivers can have a true day off to rest. It's a lot of work, but at the end of the day, the joy these kids give me far outweighs my physical exhaustion. These precious children have a way of blessing me in and amongst all the craziness.

Their smiles, giggles, behavioral outbursts, when one tells me that he loves me as much as from here to the sky, their psychological conditions that they carry as a result of abuse or their abandonment, their tiny little hands, the 7 year old who is learning to read, my pre-schoolers who can almost write their names, the way they misbehave if I'm not paying enough attention to them, my 4 year old who is weirdly obsessed with ears all of a sudden, when all 10 of them try to hide from me all at once in the church and another 4 year old tries to tell on them saying, "they were up there hiding in that place where we worship God," because he doesn't know that it's called a church, their cranky fits at dinner.....

I could go on and on.

But God has something going on here. I don't need to understand it.

I feel like some kind of conduit . God is passionately loving these precious children and he's doing it through me. It's a feeling that can probably only be described by a parent with their toddler- The way they love them.

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who is passionate about the least of these. The world might try to ignore them or classify them as a charity but not God. He knows them each by name. He has promised to never leave them or forsake them and to be their father.

He made them.

He made them beautiful.

Happy 4th Birthday David

2011-10-14T13:24:00.002-05:00

She knows it's coming up. But she can't do anything about it. She can't be there for him. It's her turn this month to work the night shift all week. Her youngest is about to turn 4 years old this weekend but she'll be at the factory. So when I called to ask if I could take her boys for the weekend again, she was thrilled and relieved and thankful that someone could be with her kids and celebrate them when she couldn't be there to do it herself.

She's thankful.

Just hearing that crushed me. I'm not sure that would be my reaction to the hand of cards life has thrown at her right now. And on top of that, she's thankful for me.

I've been given the most beautiful responsibility here. Her children.

She'll probably never know what an impact that whole conversation had on me.

We had a super fun birthday weekend with presents, ice cream, pizza, pool time, his new slip n slide, reading stories, watching scooby doo.

When life hands me lemons, I want to find ways to be thankful. I want to find ways to be grateful in my heart for what God has done for me by sending his Son to be my sacrificial lamb so that I could inherit Christ's righteousness. I want to keep my eyes focused on the things above and not just my circumstances.

A Back2Back t-shirt?!?!

2011-08-22T10:17:00.003-05:00

Nothing makes me feel more like a proud parent than when one of my boys decides that the Florida Gator mascot is awesome. They often ask why my shirts always have gators on them. So I've explained that the greatest american football team is my favorite team and the team from my college - the Florida Gators. Many of my boys now have gator T's of their own.

So a few weeks ago, I was undressing Oziel out of his PJ's and into his play clothes for the day. Sometimes he pays attention to what I'm putting on him and other days he honestly doesn't care. I can dress him in whatever I want (if only Alex was that easy).

On this day he started smiling and getting excited when he saw his gator shirt. He yelled, "oh wow!!! I get to wear a Back2Back tshirt today!!!!!"

I about died from trying to not laugh out loud and embarrass him. Instead I explained that even though I wear Florida Gator t-shirts everyday, this is in fact not a Back2Back shirt. But to him, I am Back2Back and what I wear is apparently Back2Back.

God bless him. He knows how to make me love him more and more everyday obviously.

It's 2 weeks till college game day my friends. For all you Buckeyes out there - this season should be interesting to say the least. Go Gators!

"Tia" Caroline

2011-08-17T10:16:00.010-05:00

For about a month towards the end of July and the beginning of August, I had a sibling set of 4 boys living in my apartment with me. I know firsthand how difficult it is to be a full-time caregiver at these orphanages. They need time off and NEVER get it except for a week or two in July or August. The caregiver for the youngest boys dorm was scheduled to get her summer break for 2 weeks but most of the boys usually in her care were still at the orphanage. Regardless of who was assigned to take care of them, she was still going to be on the orphanage property, in her usual apartment and the boys were for sure to not understand that concept of her needing to rest. To give her rest, I offered to take the boys with me for a few weeks. The first week wasn't bad because if I had to go to a meeting, I could find a summer intern to be my "babysitter" for an hour or so. I was working almost everyday and the boys could just go with me to work at the children's home or they'd get to go on the field trip with the visiting mission team. I was exhausted but what is new? Day off? Yeah right.

good morning crabby

Towards the end of week 1, I realized that something was terribly wrong with the youngest. He didn't in fact just have hives or an allergic reaction to something, he had boils and blisters all over his body. When I found out it was chicken pox, we called their biological mom who immediately left her job and came to pick them up for the weekend. Back2Back was full of pregnant people and there was a pregnant woman at Douglas as well so the chicken pox were not welcomed anywhere. This allowed me a few days to really get to work on some of my other not so fun Back2Back responsibilities that are well... intensified in our summer months with so many visiting American mission teams. Joy. haha I like to think of it as trying to "keep afloat" or just "prevent myself from drowning." I had a few days to clean, do laundry, buy tons of food for when the boys would come back, spend about 30 hours in the donation room, and do some construction and cleaning at Douglas with a visiting team for 2 days. Sound like a days off to you? Yeah, me neither.

Betty, a Back2Back staff member who for all intents and purposes is a saint, a true advocate for the orphan child, kept calling their biological mom to see how my little chicken pox man was doing and to find out how she was doing. As it turns out, little David was covered in chicken pox so bad that all his boils and blisters were now infected, he had scabs in his throat, was refusing to eat or drink and couldn't ingest his antiobiotics for the infections. Betty begged the mother to take him to the pediatric ER like a doctor had told her to. Betty assured her repeatedly that we would pay for any medical costs and that keeping David healthy was the most important thing. She decided to feed the other 3 dinner and then take all of them to the public hospital that night. Betty called this woman every 45 minutes to see how she was doing. I have suspected it but this desperate and grave situation made it all the more obvious -- this single mother has NO ONE to help her. She has no friends in her time of need. No one. But she has Betty and I can't imagine anyone else who I'd want in my corner other than Betty. They all finally made it to the hospital, they got David hooked up IVs but now this single mother and her other 3 young children were in a waiting room late at night. The mom was planning on just sleeping there with her other children because you are not allowed into the hospital room except for certain visiting hours. When you are allowed to go in, they limit the number who can enter the room to usually 1 or 2 family members which would have left the other young children by themselves. Betty and I didn't like this at all. Their mom is probably stressed beyond words, worried that her baby might die from infections or complications, just was informed that she was fired from her job because she was trying to help her children in an emergency, and honestly - her other 3 children are not easy to deal with.

So we had the other 3 boys brought to my house that night. They arrived to me at midnight and were wide awake, hyper, clearly stressed, confused, scared but at the same time relieved to be in my house again. They were filthier than I'd ever seen them which is incredible considering I've bathed them in an orphanage like 150 times before and seen them turn the shower floor brown from all their mud. Putting them to bed was a slight challenge because we had a lot of prayer requests that night. The boys were scared for David and honestly thought that he was probably going to die. Thus began my 2nd week with the boys in my house.

Week 2 was interesting because I only had 3, I was working every single day and all we kept hearing about David was that he'd be in hospital for probably a week at least. Again, our summer interns were my sanity and my only relief as a single mom. I learned a lot and probably more than I ever have about motherhood and parenting in this month with the boys than I could have imagined. I've thought about adopting as a single female if I felt that was what God wanted for me. But after this experience, with boys I know very well, who know me very well, whom I love a LOT.... I'm actually reconsidering that completely. Being a single mom with 4 crazy boys is incredibly difficult. In Mexico, pre-school is about 2 hours in the morning and elementary school is about 4 hours in the morning. For their mom to find a job to support housing, food, school fees and allow her the freedom to only work during school hours is nearly impossible considering she is alone and has no extended family to support her.

Week 3 began with the boys when little David was discharged from the hospital, covered in scabs, with an oral antibiotic. (in photos below - clearly, he didn't care that he had been in the hospital for a week, covered with scabs and infections - David was ready to play and eat cookies)

After seeing how intense David's chicken pox were, I did some research online and had some instant answers to what happened. David has eczema - incredibly sensitive skin. Children with normal skin who get the chicken pox can expect anywhere from 200 to 500 chicken pox bumps but children with eczema can have up to 1,500 bumps. Ding Ding Ding!!! that's what happened. And they all got infected. The hospital saved this little man's life.

build puzzle tower...

knock it over

Week 3 was my most difficult week with the boys because little David couldn't go outside. The summer sun in Monterrey would fry his baby fresh skin in seconds and make his scars worse. I refused to let him go outside and insisted that he wear long sleeve PJs and long pants at all times. This meant as a single mom, that the other 3 boys also couldn't go outside. I instantly felt like I was being held captive in my one room apartment as a prisoner. Our summer interns had gone home at this point and I was alone. Towards the end of week 3, Hannah Fay told me to pay some of the Hope Program students to take the older 3 boys to the pool and get some energy out which I took full advantage of and the boys LOVED. They decided that Homero was really fun but that Camilo was their favorite. We had a great conversation over dinner after their first afternoon with Camilo about how Camilo grew up living in their same dorm in the same orphanage but is now studying to go to high school and college. Some of the boys ended up helping me fold and sort clothes in B2B's donation room that week and decided that my "work" at B2B is just not fun and actually kind of "feo" or ugly.

Week 4 began with another direct hand off of the 4 boys from my care to their biological mom for one night and then back to my house again. If their mom has any sisters or if they actually have any aunts, I'm sure that I'd be their same age. I could totally be their aunt. That's what they need. That's what their mom needs right now. She needs help. But between an orphanage, Betty and myself - that's literally all she's got. In the past, I used to worry about what she thought of me when I'd have to talk to her last summer when she'd come to visit them on Sundays. I was worried that she'd think I was inept, not bilingual, and insufficient. Clearly those were all lies just running through my head. These days though, I know that I'm their mom's friend. The boys know that. They surprised me quite a bit this summer with the number of times they'd say things like, "take a picture of me doing _____ because I want my mom to see how I swim" or "that I built this." They don't even need to ask me to give them to their mom because they know that I regularly give her photos of them. I'm 100% confident that every photo she has of her boys have come from my camera.

lost his first tooth over a bowl of chocolate puff cereal

"i want my mom to see how I learned how to swim this week"

The days that they go visit mom or the days when they come back from visiting mom are always extremely difficult. They are on their worst behavior, at their most disrespectful, displaying all the independence they know how, hyperactive, sometimes violent, argumentative and distant. After all the transitions I've had to make with them since last year, I've come to expect this.

But the bottom line is this - I'm their "tia Caroline" or "Aunt Caroline." I'm pleased with the direction our relationship is headed.

Fernando

2011-07-29T16:48:00.014-05:00

What can I say about the child who literally changed EVERYTHING for me? Fernando has been a game changer for me in the way I try to minister to the kids in the children's homes we serve in Monterrey. Through various events, Fernando is honestly the reason that I ended up moving into Douglas last summer. He is the most difficult child I've ever had to care for and also the sweetest. Because of some of Fernando's special needs, I've researched a ton about early child development, learning disabilities and a whole host of other issues that kids living in children's homes are up against. He was the spark for me that really set me on fire here in Monterrey. To say that I love Fernando is an understatement if there ever was one.

this is fernando's "casita" or tent - clearly very proud of it

In the past year, Fernando has changed SO MUCH! God loves this child so much and I was privileged to witness some of these incredible developmental changes this year. For starters, Fernando understood this year that he is loved, appreciated, beautiful, and smart. He started to feel secure and safe and his behavior changed drastically as he was much more calm, restrained, and cooperative. He learned that I would never turn down a request for a hug, to sit on my lap, for me to hold him, pick him up - yes he's 8 years old but he needs it sometimes - I would never embarrass him. He felt secure. This year was the first year that Fernando has ever done his homework everyday. I will never forget the afternoon in the Douglas dining hall when Fernando was so excited to do his math homework and to play some practice reading games with me that he just yelled at the top of his lungs to Betty, "Betty, I'M SMART!!!" For those of you who have never met Fernando, he has some special needs. For him to do homework, behave and actually make some academic progress is huge. For him to know that he is smart and not stupid and to exude confidence is beautiful. What I found incredible during homework time about Fernando is that his mind is like a human calculator. Math is his language.

In what is honestly only an act of God himself, Fernando's biological mom became very active in his life this year. Fernando has been at Douglas since he was in diapers - about 1 year old when the government removed him from his home and placed in at Douglas. He lived in Douglas for 7 years! Many of Fernando's "issues" have resulted from his abandonment, abuse, neglect and lack of affection and attention over the years. About a year ago, I got really fired up about the possibility of ANY of these boys being restored to their biological families. But in my heart and mind, I placed Fernando on the bottom of the list of who might be likely to have improved relations with his family enough to actually leave the orphanage. Just a few months ago, God absolutely shocked and surprised me when I found out that Fernando was going to go home to live with his mom after all these years. God is moving my "faith mountains" - that which I thought previously to be impossible - right before my eyes. Fernando going home is a complete act of God.

This past Valentine's Day, Fernando was the only boy who when I asked if he wanted to be my valentine even if it meant when he got older he'd have to marry me who said not only, "yes!" but then followed his yes by throwing his arms in the air and screaming, "that's what I've always wanted!!!" He made me laugh really really hard. I'm confident though, that these past 7 years - pretty much his entire life - the only thing Fernando has ever wanted was to go home and live with his mom. And he got it.

The day before I was told they were to leave the children's home, I decided to try to find photos of their childhood. I had been told that Fernando had lived at Douglas since he was like 12 months old and in diapers. I pulled down every single photo album that Back2Back has from some 15 years of ministry and after 5 hours or so found exactly what I was looking for. In the process though, I laughed at silly pictures of kids that I know when they were much younger. I cried. Some people think that when you get to heaven, you'll get to watch your life or everything that's happened throughout history like on some TV screen as if it's a movie. Going through that many years of ministry to orphan children here in Monterrey was one of the most emotionally moving experiences of my entire 3 years here with B2B. I saw families who have come down here for YEARS just loving on the same kids over and over again. It was for me as if I was watching in retrospect everything God has done in the past 15 years to pursue the orphan child. I couldn't hold back my tears and thankfulness and awe of how big God is. It was truly incredible. At times, I got angry as I found pictures as proof of how many years and years some of the teens I know have been orphans and lived in institutions. When I finally found pictures of Fernando and Adrian as toddlers, I lost it. I was thrilled because now I could give them photos of their childhood but enraged of how long they'd suffered without their parents. But mission accomplished, I was able to give both boys pictures of every year they'd spent in the orphanage. They laughed hysterically looking at photos of themselves as babies. They could hardly believe it.

probably about 15 months or so in this photo

eric - when was this?

eating some pollo loco at maybe 2 years old?

with one of his favorite pals

I was truly blessed to be able to see Fernando and his brother get picked up by their mom for the final time. On that afternoon, everything was right in the world as they literally sprinted to their mom's car to leave. They were thrilled, overjoyed, and relieved. I sent them off with all the things they had asked me to hold on to for them - gifts and photos from their Shelter Sponsor family. They waved as they drove off down the highway, not as orphan kids from the orphanage but as 2 boys with their mom. It was perhaps one of the most beautiful scenes I have ever witnessed.

Fernando, Fer, buddy I love you with my entire heart. You are a beautiful, beautiful boy. God made you perfectly. Thank you for billions of hugs and the million some times you yelled in my face, "I don't love you! Just kidding.... I do love you!!! You are like the energizer bunny and you never, ever slow down. I couldn't help but giggle the day you lost your first tooth and got scared because you didn't know that teeth came out like that. Nothing will be the same without you. But I know that you are currently exactly where you were meant to be - with your mom. You've blessed me and changed me more than you'll ever know.

David

2011-07-22T12:50:00.008-05:00

Just to recap incase you are joining us “late” – I’m posting about each of the 14 boys who I lived with last summer and giving praise where praise is due for everything God has done in the past year on behalf of my little men. David is the 13th post in this "series" that I started in June. After David, I have one more post to go – but the thought of posting this last one literally brings me to tears so I’m taking my sweet time getting there… soon.

David has got to be one of the most beautiful little boys that I have ever seen – period. When that child smiles, the sparkle in his eye could light up the room. Even when I’m mad at him for something, that boy’s smile can change everything. I think he knows that and is starting to use it to gain favor but for now, I’m okay with that. He is in every way – BOY. He loves cars, punching things, wrestling, throwing himself on the ground, jumping, riding his bike, looking for bugs, hiding from me, swimming, pretending to swim on the shower floor if he can manage to stop up the drain enough to make a 1 inch “pool.” He also likes puzzles but he insists that I tell him where to put each piece.

He has 3 names:

1. 1. David

2. 2. Pollo Yon – b/c he looks like the fat bellied chicken for some fast food place here in Mexico. Every child at Douglas refers to him as “pollo.” If the kid knew how to write, I’m pretty sure that’s what he’d put on his papers in the space that says “Name: _______________”

3. 3. The Beautiful One – I gave him that one

He is the youngest boy at Douglas and also the smallest. He is so tiny for a child who is going to turn 4 years old in September that you naturally just want to pick him up and hold him. That’s how he prefers it so things seem to work out nicely for him. When you don’t feel like picking him up, he throws himself on the ground and throws a fit until you do. I spent almost every waking minute with him on my hip last summer. Try hanging the wet laundry for 75 kids on clothes lines outside with a 3 year old clinging to you. Well… I’d usually just make him sit right next to the trash can full of laundry while I got to work on it – he’d be screaming or crying or trying his best to protest that I was focusing on something else.

This past year, God gave David caregivers who love him and have welcomed him into their family within the children’s home. He has been attaching to these caregivers all year. I’m now more like David’s “aunt” and I love that. I can’t tell you how many times I have prayed in the last 2 years for God to send people who would love these boys like I would – and he answered. I am so grateful – you have no idea. God is not going to leave them or forsake them. Your prayers are so important. Keep them coming. I know He is listening. The same power that raised Christ from the dead lives in us – exercise some of that power this week will you? Say a prayer for the orphan child today.

David almost doubled in size, started pre-school, can count to 3 now - for a while it was just, "one... THREE!!!" the 2 didn't exist yet. He was potty trained and started talking. He went from saying literally just a few words to full blown paragraphs. He doesn't conjugate his verbs correctly all the time and he talks with a really deep and loud voice to make sure you hear him.

David you bring JOY into my life. You are too little to know it yet but when you throw fits and refuse to go to sleep, I often pray you to sleep in my arms. I ask God to form you into a leader of men who will preach God’s word with boldness. I pray that God fills the voids and scars in your heart from your abandonment with the only thing that can truly satisfy – himself - his Spirit.

Oziel

2011-07-15T19:37:00.007-05:00

I've heard people say that they had no idea how much they could love someone until they laid eyes or held their newborn child for the first time and that in that moment - they instantly fall more in love than they ever thought possible. Well with Oziel it wasn't instant - in fact for the first few weeks that I was this child's "temporary momma," he smelled so bad that during bath-time you needed no warning that he was coming through because he would stink up the entire bathroom area. I have never encountered any child who was as stinky as he was. One of his favorite activities is to collect bugs and his process of doing so leaves him smelling absolutely horrid. So no, I didn't fall in love with him instantly. But within a few weeks, I could literally feel something in me changing - my heart just melting around him - putting him to bed, waking him up. After the weeks became months - I realized that my heart physically hurt at the sight of him because I just love him so much. I had NO idea that you could love someone that much until it happened to me. I'm assuming this is what parents feel like with their kids? Newsflash - just to clarify - I'm not a parent. But ever since little stinky, nose-picking Oziel stole my heart - I've felt in every way like one.

I hope and pray that this is what adoption feels like - the way I feel about this sweet little man. Maybe it's not instant for everyone but within a matter of time, they just feel like they are yours.

In the past year, Oziel has physically grown a TON. He went from 2T to 3T and then to 4T all in 12 months. He doesn't nap anymore in the afternoons. This past year was his first year in pre-school. He has learned to count to 15 in spanish and english. He knows his colors and is learning some letters. His handwriting isn't necessarily one of his strengths but he is a wizard with puzzles. I accredit the love of reading that many of the young Douglas boys now share to Oziel. Oziel fell in love with hearing stories one night before bed while listening to Brown Bear, Brown Bear What do you see? He asked me to read it again and again which I did but only 3 times in total that first night and then I made him go to bed. But after that, hearing a story became his favorite activity. He has figured out that adults know how to read, so he grabs books, brings them to you, and begs you to read it to him - doesn't matter who you are. If you are an adult, Oziel can work with you.

reading the book that started it all

A year ago, he responded to the name, "feo" or "ugly." All the kids would call him that and some workers who have since been fired used to call him that. It was literally his first name to all the major people in his daily life. When I moved in to be his caregiver, I decided that his new name would be, "Senor Guapo" or "Mr. Handsome." I'll never forget the afternoon that he stopped to look at me as we were walking back from lunch and said while smiling and pointing to his face, "Caroline, you call me that because I'm just so beautiful right?" He understood that he wasn't ugly. The rest of the kids understood that I thought he was beautiful and that messing with Caroline or saying anything she doesn't like is not a good idea and thus, the rest of the children's home decided that he was beautiful. After a few weeks, I never heard anyone call him "feo" ever again. Touchdown: Caroline.

Oziel loves Scooby Doo, stickers, frogs, bugs of all kinds, the Hulk, his bike, watermelon, bubble gum, puzzles, GATORS that are on tons of my t-shirts, stories of all kinds, going to the grocery store with me, trains, PJ's and snuggling. He is super affectionate and loves to press his face into yours just to make sure you are paying attention.

he asked me to put on a Scooby Doo movie, I said yes and this was his response.

If only other children were as easy to thrill as you Oziel

He also used to be THE bully out of all the pre-school aged children at Douglas. He reigned as king over like 15 little kids and if they did anything he didn't like, he'd just bite them. He is pretty fierce. I want to believe that he is slowly growing out of this. He is biting less and less each week. He now usually only draws blood when he feels physically threatened. His fight or flight comes out and let me just say - this kid has a lot of fight. But unlike many of the other little boys - he feels remorse when he has done something wrong. I love that about him. Disciplining him is rather easy. You put him in time-out for 30 seconds while explaining that he can't hurt other children and he immediately starts crying and saying he's sorry. I'll never forget the super cold morning when I lost him before pre-school. I had my other 3 pre-schoolers inside but where was Oziel? It was time to get in the van to go to school and he was hiding from me because I had scolded him about something. I finally found him behind all the buildings singing his favorite song - a worship song - Eres Todopoderoso - about how powerful God is.... I about died from laughter and I sang it with him. What child gets mad at you, hides, and sits there singing worship songs??! Oh probably the same 4 year old who is asked before every meal to give the prayer and have the rest of the orphanage repeat after him because his voice is soooooooo loud and hilarious. Yeah that's you.

Oziel you own my heart. You straight up stole it from me when I wasn't looking. But that's okay. I'll let you keep it.

Alex

2011-07-14T14:12:00.007-05:00

God has moved in mighty ways in the past year in Alex's favor. First, he got new full time caregivers who love him. He actually got a birth certificate FINALLY. We found out when his real birthday is and how old he really is once the government finally produced some documents for the orphan without a birthday. Last summer, I used to just try and guess his age and what behavior standards I should be expecting from him. My guess was that he was around 4 or 5 years old. Well he actually turns 5 in October. As a result of finally obtaining a birth certificate - he was able to move up a year in school and be with kids his actual age. He can now legally enter kindergarten and doesn't have to go to pre-school with 3 year olds AGAIN for a 3rd year in a row. He knows all his colors, numbers and is very good at counting. And for the first time in 2 years - he now has contact and visits from his biological family members. I praise God for all he is doing to change Alex's life.

Last summer, Alex and Marcos were enemies and fought constantly. I think Marcos was really trying to get Alex to like him but every attempt Marcos ever made only annoyed Alex further. But something clicked and now they are best friends and I call them "double trouble." They love to play dress up and pretend to be superheroes - Batman, Superman, Spiderman, Ironman - they think all of those people all day long. Alex loves to put on costumes. If I put him in normal play clothes, he will always change out of them and into something silly whether I like it or not.

Alex used to have problems with hoarding things. Whenever a toy was introduced to him or his dorm, he would try his best to hide it immediately for later use. I used to catch him trying to hide toys inside the couch in his dorm. He'd try to put so many things in his personal drawer that you couldn't close it. The things he used to steal from his pre-school last year were hilarious to me. His backpack was always really heavy and full of playdoh or legos which I would later realize that he had stolen. A solid year later though, Alex understands that no one will steal his toys and that it's okay to share and trust others. And we refuse to send him to school with a backpack anymore which is probably better.

Alex now loves to sit and listen to stories. Some of his favorites are Eric Carle's The Very Busy Spider, Eric Carle's From Head to Toe, There was an Old Monster and Chicka Chicka Boom Boom.

Alex you are a funny little man. In the past year alone, I've pulled gum out of your hair at least 10 times. You are very lucky to have big brothers who love you very much. This October will be the first time anyone has ever celebrated your real birthday. I'm pretty sure that it'll be the biggest birthday party any 5 year old at Douglas has ever seen. So get ready. Perhaps we could make a life-sized Spiderman for you out of playdoh?

Marcos

2011-07-12T21:12:00.009-05:00

Marcos. The name in itself carries a lot of meaning for me. A year ago today, just hearing his name could make me cringe because of how difficult he was to care for. He was constantly screaming and crying at the top of his lungs, afraid that he was being abandoned again anytime I left the room or his line of vision. Try to imagine a 4 year old who never stops screaming and crying and chasing you around.... yeah that was him.

But a solid year later - Marcos is calmer and actually a fun little guy. He has a lot of energy, loves playing dress up, doing puzzles, reading books, playing with playdoh, swimming in the pool, coloring pictures and riding bikes. This was his first ever year of pre-school. He has very nice handwriting and actually enjoys doing his homework whenever he is assigned some.

Marcos was the carrot during his pre-school's food and nations festival

My best attempt to prevent a scar from forming on his forehead... he later placed this bandaid behind a toilet in his dorm only to be found by me literally 3 weeks later. He had done a really good job hiding it on the wall.

Playing hide and seek at McDonalds. This was right before he and Alex decided to go "looking" for me in the McDonalds DRIVE THRU!!! I started looking for them and they had run downstairs and were literally outside running through the drive thru - I about had a heart attack but then forced myself to laugh about it.

Aside from everything about Marcos' behavior changing completely - the other biggest change I've noticed in Marcos involves bedtime. Bedtime used to be awful for us all. The 14 boys wouldn’t get into their beds, if I could them there, they wouldn’t stay still, and they wouldn’t stop talking. These days though, Marcos for example loves our new bedtime routine. The 4 pre-school aged boys and I read a few books, brush our teeth, go to the potty and I tuck each one of them in individually into their beds. I pray over Marcos and ask God to protect him from bad dreams and we thank God for making Marcos perfectly – how special, kind, beautiful and intelligent he is. I tell Marcos that my favorite day of the week is the day that I get to take care of him all day – it’s the honest truth. I love being with his dorm full of crazy emotionally hurting little boys. I tell him that I love him and I kiss his forehead about 20 times. He smiles and you can literally see through his eyes, his little heart just melting at the thought that someone actually wants him. I actually like him. I recently learned about the science of mirror imaging. Apparently, when I look into one of these child's eyes and we are face to face - they can sense my mood or emotions. We can send fear, empathy, playfulness or love to a little child’s brain. When I tuck Marcos in and tell him how much I love him and love being with him – his brain literally can pick up the love in my heart for him. That’s why he just melts and goes right to sleep. No fighting at bedtime. They go to sleep within minutes, each child, one at a time. It’s incredible.

Marcos, I love you little man. You need to grow up knowing a Mommy and a Daddy. Psalm 68:5-6 say, "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing." I pray that God gives you a family and a home.

Jose

2011-07-10T09:37:00.008-05:00

For being the smallest 7 year old on planet earth, Jose packs in more personality than anyone I know. He likes to bounce off the walls, climb up to the ceiling, jump on the beds, wrestle with everyone, rollerblade even though he falls constantly, collect bugs outside and then release them inside the dorm, hide from me during important transitions throughout the day, yell like he's a ballgame announcer even when i've asked him to please use an inside voice.... speaking of his voice - Jose's voice is my favorite on planet earth. He sounds like a tiny little grandpa man who swallowed a couple of frogs. He is super silly, loves to snuggle, thinks the movie Robots is God's greatest gift to man, loves to paint, and thinks it's funny to knock over his littlest brother randomly.
This is my favorite picture of Jose. It was taken during his graduation from kindergarten last summer.

He is so adorable and should have been a child model - of course BEFORE he smashed into some walls in his dorm while playing too hard for the 2nd time this year and got his 2nd round of stitches to his forehead which have now left a pretty incredible scar. Now he looks more like a pirate to me than anything else.
He is probably a good 6 inches to a foot shorter than all the rest of the kids in his 1st grade class at school but what he lacks in size he makes up for with his incredible punch.... yes literal punch. He can give a kid a nose bleed with one hit. I shouldn't be bragging about that and it makes me furious when they fight - which always seems to happen literally at the dinner table in front of the entire orphanage - but you gotta give a little guy credit for his strengths.

Academically, Jose struggles. He behaves well, does what you ask him to do, and gets compliments from his teacher daily about how incredible his handwriting is but something just hasn't clicked yet for him as far as reading goes. We know that he is super intelligent. But I pray that emotionally and psychologically something heals so he can move on and learn to read. Pray for Jose. I know he's smart, he just isn't ready to show that off yet.

The biggest change that I've seen in Jose in the past year is his ability to put himself to sleep at night. He now sleeps in his own bed for the first time in his life. His fears are being calmed and I praise the Lord for that. I praise God for the ways that Jose now feels more secure, loved, protected and alright. Jose was the first child to start calling his new dorm parents, "ma" and "pa" for mom and dad. He loves them and honestly feels like they are his parents. I am so unbelievably thankful for them and the ways that they have connected with so many of these boys. Jose deserves people like them in his life.

Jose you are a beautiful child. I am so thankful for all the things God has taught you this past year about who He is and how you can trust in Him. God will never leave you to be alone in this world. And besides... your 2nd favorite person on Earth (2nd to his mom) is moving here in September. Sammy - the boys are more than pumped and continue to pray for you each week as you raise support to move here.

Isai and Kevin

2011-07-06T21:35:00.009-05:00

Isai in the middle with his beloved glow n the dark PJ's

A lot has happened in the last year for Isai. Academically, he went from not knowing the alphabet or any numbers to doing addition, subtraction, and reading short words. After months of tutoring and frustration, something clicked. You could physically see a lightbulb go off around his little brain once things started to make sense to him. His confidence soared. I'll never forget afternoons which would turn into cold evenings when he'd finally finish his homework and we'd all scream and cheer and throw him in the air to celebrate - the look on his face of accomplishment was priceless. In moments like that, his adorable little dimples really shine. Isai is a calm, sensitive, helpful, quiet and polite little man. He knew how to just melt my heart to the core. He'd come home from school, see me, throw his back pack on the floor and walk by saying, "Caroline... I just love you so much." Isai was always the first to ask me, "Caroline can I help you with that?" He spent a few weeks this winter with a cast on his arm after a little accident on the trampoline that Douglas eventually got rid of due to safety issues. Bath time was an adventure and so was trying to get a long sleeve shirt over the big fat cast. I was getting him ready for bed the night they called him to office to tell him that he was going to leave forever to live with a family. As it turns out, this beautiful child is now living with a Christian foster family of sorts here in Monterrey. I'm thrilled for him and have met his foster parents. I often ask myself, "what is the best option for this child?" I honestly believe that Isai is living it out right now and I could not be more thankful to God for orchestrating it all.

Kevin (center)

No more than a month later, a new boy, Kevin, was dropped off at Douglas and literally took Isai's old bed. Kevin is super loud, smiles all the time, always wears a pair of white air Jordans, smart, and affectionate.

Kevin's first adventure in a pool and first trip to Back2Back

Me shaving Kevin's hair with my new clippers

I find it super interesting to see how new children interact with the others in their first hours, days, weeks, months. All the other boys were super welcoming to Kevin. All except for Israel who did not appreciate the way that Kevin challenged Israel's status as lawyer/rule enforcer/boss of the little boys' dorm. But I wasn't surprised by that in the least. It's strange to see one child leave and another come and sometimes all in the same day. That's just how things work in an orphanage I guess. I love when children get to leave after their parental guardian has had time to get their life in order but I absolutely hate seeing new ones get dropped off. My entire being gets angry at everything. But I can remind myself that at least Douglas is literally a world better and totally different than it was years ago. Kevin at least landed somewhere that he is loved, appreciated, valued and cared for and I pray that Kevin and the rest of them are only at Douglas temporarily.

Luis

2011-07-06T12:43:00.008-05:00

If the little boys dorm at Douglas was a fraternity house, Luis would without a doubt be the social chair. He is almost always the ring leader of something fun, crazy, messy, and rowdy. If things start to get boring, Luis likes to 'spice' it up. He'll be the one climbing trees, daring smaller children to do something dangerous that he thinks is silly, organizing a game of cards, or rollerblading through the bathroom. Prime example - Luis is the child on the cover of the most recent Back2Back magazine and what is he doing? Having fun and starting a water fight. What I love about Luis though, is through all his playing, no matter what he has organized, he isn't trying to be mischievous or break any rules. He just loves to play. I have to say as well that after all my time working in an orphanage, it's not everyday that you find a kid who has learned how to entertain himself or that still bothers to try to come up with fun things to do but Luis does this with excellence which I think is worth celebrating.

just another afternoon catching frogs

He is obviously a handsome little guy. If the little boys dorm had their own end of the year superlatives, Luis would win, "best dressed" because he always insists on wearing Sunday dress pants and button down collared shirts, dress shoes, a belt - the hole nine yards - like literally everyday. Just last night for example, after his shower, he wanted me to affirm for him that the dress shirt he had chosen not only fit him appropriately but that it was the best looking one for him to wear to school the next day.

The mohawk I gave Luis a few weeks ago right before his

teacher from school made me "fix" it

He has a gift for making me laugh and loves to joke around. In the past 12 months, I think the biggest change that I've seen in Luis is his love for math. Verbally, this child struggles and has not always been cooperative at school. But numbers are a language he speaks and he speaks it well. It's as if I'm rewarding the child if I give him a page full of addition and subtraction problems to do. He loves math.

Luis does not currently have a Shelter Child Sponsorship family. If you'd be interested in finding out more about this program, the impact it's making at Casa Hogar Douglas, or about how to go about sponsoring a particular child, please contact our home office 513.754.0300

Israel

2011-07-03T12:55:00.008-05:00

Admittedly I've been very hard on Israel this past year. He is the oldest of 4 brothers. He is the smartest child from the little boys dorm. He usually gets first place for best grades out of his entire 2nd grade at school. He is capable of a lot. It took me a few months to realize how much I was demanding of him - to be the most respectful, to be helpful with his brothers, to be an example in his attitude, to do his chores, to excel in school, and to behave well. Things that I would let others his age get away with would drive me nuts with Israel and I have always been sure to let him know that. Maybe that's "normal" for parents to expect a little more out of the oldest child? Well, once this was brought to my attention, I started to ease up on the sweet boy and to be extremely purposeful about connecting with him and being playful with him. Honestly, I know it's helped a lot. He so desperately seeks my approval, attention and affection. If he can't earn it through good behavior, he tries to demand it through bad behavior. He's not stupid - none of these boys are. I am fully aware of how much I love Israel and his sibling set but none of that matters if he can't feel it and hear it daily. This sweet child has been through so much and carried burdens that no child should ever be asked to carry. He's a little boy - someone should be carrying him.

right before they attacked me with their noise maker sticks

feeding some zebras

right before he lost his first tooth

Israel - I am so proud of you. I am so proud of how responsible you are and how you almost always take everything like a man. This life hasn't dealt you any easy cards but you keep on making lemonade out of all those lemons. I'm confident that many crowns await you in heaven for the way you have literally carried your youngest brother and comforted him at all hours of the day. I pray that God will keep placing people in your life to father you and carry your burdens. You are a gifted child and although some of us adults make fun of the way you take charge of every situation by calling you "everyone's lawyer," that's just how God made you. You'd make an incredible lawyer someday or CEO of a big company. In the meantime, I greatly appreciate how you are the ONLY child who doesn't "accidentally" send text messages from my phone to random B2B staffers when I let you boys borrow my cell phone after bath time to play the pinball game. I love you with my entire being.

Alexis

2011-07-02T20:37:00.006-05:00

Oh sweet Alexis... this child is precious. He has more energy than he or anyone else knows what to do with. He's super silly, helpful, thankful, crazy, loud, energetic, and affectionate. I love this child so very much. He has a twin sister - Alexia. They are rather different though but sure look alike.

Look at that smile. You melt a little don't you? Yeah, he's a beautiful boy.

Because Alexis has a lot of energy, he sometimes... well - all the time - struggles to sit still and do his homework. We've worked really hard this year to keep him on track and he's put in a lot of effort. In the photo - left to right is Luis, Alexia and Alexis at McDonalds one friday night when we celebrated how hard they had been working on their homework.

If a picture is worth a thousand words - I think the above picture is worth a thousand prayers. This is Alexis' family. His mom came back for her kids this year and she moved into Casa Hogar Douglas this spring to live with her children. I was with Alexis the afternoon he found out that his mom was going to move into the children's home to be with him. I'm not sure there are words to describe what an abandoned child's face looks like when they hear that Mom is coming back so I won't try - you can imagine that one on your own - pure elation and relief and excitement, justice, JOY. Making the shift from abandoned child to staff kid is pretty incredible. I praise God every single day that Alexis gets to live with his mom now. This is a victory - a HUGE one! God is the King of Glory and he will have his glory at Douglas. I want to believe that I'm just beginning to see it on full display over there...

Cesareo

2011-07-01T19:07:00.006-05:00

Cesareo is for sure the most sensitive of the 14 boys. This past school year has been great for him. He will finish 3^rd grade next week and has improved drastically in reading and math thanks to tons of one on one attention from fellow Back2Back staffer – Marilin. He loves to spend the day playing soccer, marbles or practicing on his guitar that he got for Christmas. He likes to practice his English and can say beautifully, “you want a piece of me? I pee and poop in my pants.” Can you imagine which lovely Back2Back intern taught him that last summer? If he can see that I’m having a rough day, sometimes he’ll whip that out just to make me laugh.

To me, it’s obvious to see that Cesareo now feels loved and valued. His behavior has changed dramatically as he used to be rather depressed and would experience deep mood swings. He moved into a different dorm this past August with new dorm parents who gave him all the extra attention he wanted and it’s made all the difference.

The Bible is full of God’s promises to the orphan child. God says that he will never leave the orphan alone, that He will come to them, hear them, make them a home, be their father, execute true justice for them and many more. When I think of all the people who have filled in as Cesareo’s father this year, listened to him, come to him, made improvements on his home and defended him – I’m in awe. God is good and in the midst of seeing orphaned children struggle with their identity and self esteem on a daily basis – I’m encouraged and uplifted by the One who has promised to care for orphans. Greater things are yet to come for Cesareo and here in Monterrey…

Adrian

2011-06-30T12:09:00.010-05:00

Above is my favorite picture of Adrian. It was taken last summer and was probably the first photo I had ever seen of him smiling. A year ago, when I moved into Douglas - Adrian was what I called "the enforcer" of the dorm. He was in charge. If another boy did something that Adrian decided was punishable - he'd just hit the kid. Obviously, I didn't approve of that and spent many weeks trying to prove to Adrian that I was a responsible adult and that I would handle the "discipline" of the dorm. Adrian is another one of my boys who has shown incredible improvements in behavior over the past year. He used to be so angry and violent. He struggled with every transition. But these days, Adrian is actually a really sweet, calm, agreeable and a kind older brother to his younger sibling - Fernando.

These pictures are of Adrian and Fernando laughing themselves sick while watching a video of themselves in one of those "Elf yourself" videos from their Shelter Sponsors.

Adrian has unfairly been given the responsibility of his younger special needs brother - Fernando for many years. He defends and protects his brother with vigor.

Adrian is highly intelligent and a fantastic reader. Adrian is unbelievably athletic and buff. He can walk across a room on his hands and is often seen flexing. When Adrian plays soccer, he will literally throw himself - his whole body - after the ball. He's intense and fierce on the soccer field.

He has been involved in the carpentry classes at Douglas this year and loves it.

This is Adrian celebrating his 9th birthday. We had the most incredible cake and he felt like a rockstar.
With deep emotion I share the following.... I know that being able to go home and live with his family has been the only thing that Adrian has ever wanted. For an orphaned child in an orphanage, what else could they ever want? With all my heart, I cry alongside these kids when they miss their mom. I pray everyday for God to make a way for them to live in a family - whether it's their biological family or a foster family or an adoptive family. Whatever has to happen to make that happen is worth it. All I have ever hoped and prayed for is coming true this month - Adrian and Fernando will be reunited with their mom. They've lived in an orphanage for almost 7 years now. It's about time. I'm so stoked for Adrian and I know that he will transition well to life at home but I'd be lying if I said that I won't miss his handsome face.

For the last couple of years here on staff with Back2Back, I've clung to Psalm 27:13 which says, "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living." I've prayed over and over again that I'd have the faith to trust and wait on the Lord like it says in the verse following in verse 14, "Wait for the LORD, be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." I've prayed to trust and wait on the Lord that I would see his goodness right now at Douglas. And now I'm seeing it. Adrian gets to go home. If that's not the goodness of the LORD, than I don't know what is. Praise the LORD!

Adrian you are a tough cookie and I'm so proud of the big brother you are. I am so thankful for the ways you love on Fernando and are patient with him. You're smart, handsome and a total sweetheart. You deserve a family and I'm so thankful that you'll get that opportunity in just a few weeks. I know that you know you are a handsome dude - so don't go stealing all the ladies' hearts. God will never leave you or forsake you Adrian - He is your protector. He will execute true justice. Perhaps you'll have a future in law enforcement? Love you tough guy

Jahir

2011-06-29T19:57:00.006-05:00

If I had to nominate one child from Casa Hogar Douglas to win the award for something like... "most dramatically different" this year - it'd for sure go to Jahir. We always suspected this sweet child had some hearing issues but it wasn't until we actually had his ears tested this past year that we found out how profoundly deaf he is. As soon as that truth came out, he stopped being required to go to the elementary school who had honestly written him off as just plain dumb. Poor kid couldn't hear a thing the teacher said. He was in a 3rd grade classroom and didn't know numbers, colors, sounds or letters so he'd just sleep the entire morning. Jahir a year ago was quiet, shy and reserved. Today he has so much confidence. He walks around with this thug like swagger. He feels cool. He feels handsome -- I gave him the most good looking hair cut ever last week and he just walks around yelling things like, "HEY!! My hair looks good!!" As soon as the rest of his world realized what he knew all along - that he had taught himself how to read lips and can't hear a thing if you just yell a command at him from a distance - Jahir finally felt accepted and smart.

He has been going to speech therapy since this fall and is able to communicate his thoughts now. I know for a fact that Jahir loves school more than any child at Douglas. He calls his special needs school, "la otra escuela" which means "the other school." At this school for kids with special needs, they treat him with respect and encourage him to keep learning sounds and how to talk better. He is learning so much at school and LOVES it when he gets homework. For years now, I've referred to Jahir as "my favorite child on planet earth" because he can always bring a smile to my face or make me laugh. This past year, Jahir has probably grown about 6 inches. His first teeth finally started to fall out. Boardgames are probably Jahir's favorite afternoon activity - he loves Connect 4, Uno, War and memory. I'm so proud to say that when I play war with Jahir - he can now determine on his own whether or not my 7 beats his 2. Even though Jahir tries his best to put on a tough/cool guy show, he is a total softy and rather sensitive.

With his new confidence, he has started branching out and playing soccer with the rest of the boys even though he has little chicken legs (he was a premature baby and hasn't physically caught up with the rest yet). He'll be the first to recount the day when we were playing soccer on the fields out back and because he was running so hard and so fast that he got tangled up with another boy while going after the soccer ball and bit the dirt hard. He had a bloody face for a week but was so proud of his scars. Fitting in with the rest of the world is a struggle for this little man for obvious reasons.

One of my favorite times of the week to see Jahir is on Sunday mornings during church. The worship band is so loud that Jahir can actually hear them. He is almost always in the front row, paying attention to no one except the worship team with his hands raised, clapping off beat at times, singing at the top of his lungs and worshipping his creator.

Jahir came home from school dressed like an oompa loompa with sparkly green hair and could not for the life of him tell me why they dressed him like this for the school assembly or what the school assembly was about. I had a really hard time not laughing as he walked up and showed off his costume. He just said, "Yeah Caroline, check out my costume! Cool huh?"

Even though Jahir talks a little "crazy" - he says my name probably better than most at Douglas which should earn him some kind of prize. Jahir - you're the man. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of man you'll be someday when you're all grown up - a husband, a father, a provider - a gangster sounding father, husband and provider. I pray you'll never lose your childlike passion for worshipping Jesus. You teach me everyday what it means to love and serve the least of these and legitimately you are my favorite child on planet earth. I'm not sure why God doesn't make them all like you.

Miguel

2011-06-28T20:30:00.005-05:00

Words cannot express how much I am absolutely head over heels in love with each of these children. It's frustrating as I try to come up with words to adequately describe how proud I am of each of these precious boys because it's practically impossible. But nevertheless.... here I go. Miguel has changed so much in the past 12 months. He turns 10 years old next month.

Miguel began violin lessons last summer and learned how to play quite a few tunes. He is a very, very intelligent child and is a fantastic reader. He loves to sit down with me and read a few chapters of Captain Underpants in Spanish each week.

His world literally lights up when he hears anything about his Shelter Child Sponsorship family. Thinking of how much his sponsors' words of encouragement mean to Miguel brings me to tears of joy literally every time I speak about this special relationship (fighting tears now as I type).
Over the past year, I've witnessed Miguel go from being angry, disrespectful, defiant, at times violent with others... to a thankful, charming, sweet, caring, respectful, helpful, playful and all around just beautiful. Last June, Miguel prayed to receive Christ as his Lord and Savior and I'm confident that the new and improved Miguel is a direct reflection of that decision.

Miguel is also hands down the most talented soccer player at Casa Hogar Douglas. As a 9 year old, he competes with the older teen boys and schools them on frequent. Sometimes he gets scared and thinks that he can't keep up with the big boys but then he pumps himself up and shows off. I love every chance I can get to see Miguel play and encourage him to keep practicing and to not chicken out against kids easily 4 and 5 years his senior.

I also find his obsession with his hair to be quite funny. Out of all the boys in his dorm, Miguel is the mirror hog. He has to make sure his hair gel is just right. A few weeks ago, the workers at the home made him get a hair cut and Miguel hated his short hair so much that he wore a baseball cap for a week straight in embarrassment. I cut most of the boys hair at Douglas these days.... but I wasn't the one who made Miguel "bald" on that occasion but Miguel laughs every time he sees me cutting some boy's hair because for the life of him he can't believe that I know what I'm doing.

He is mature for his age and down right compassionate. I am so thankful for all the long conversations I've been able to have with Miguel this past year - about my own faith, his faith, his dreams and my own. The day I moved in to be in charge of his dorm last year, he reminded me and yelled, "Caroline!!! Don't you remember?!?!?! You told me that it was your DREAM to be my caregiver and look!!!! Your dream came true!!! You are taking care of me now!" We praised the Lord on that crazy day in remembrance. Miguel doesn't forget much. One day, we were talking about an upcoming trip I had to go on and he started getting nervous because he thought that perhaps airplanes crash as often as cars in Monterrey do. I assured him that airplane pilots go to school for a really long time and almost never make mistakes. Perhaps one day Miguel will be a pilot. God Bless him... Love you Miguel

One year later...

2011-06-27T11:08:00.002-05:00

Have you ever noticed how moms of small children sometimes wait till 5 or 10 years later to create or finish photo albums of their children? Parenting multiple kids is a crazy job - it's hard to document. I realized lately that I haven't been posting much on my blog and I've decided to do something about it.

This past June marked the 1 year anniversary of when I moved into Casa Hogar Douglas to take care of 14 little boys. I am absolutely in awe of everything God did to make that happen. He moved heaven and earth seemingly to put all the pieces together and it was all because God, who loves each of my 14 boys so much more than I ever could, has a plan for them. God decided that I would have some small part in their growth and placed me there for that exact period of time. The experience for me was absolutely life changing. In the last 12 months, I've celebrated 14 birthdays, good grades, losing first teeth, learning to ride a bike or rollerblade, potty training, spiritual growth, learning to read, learning to count or their colors, improved behavior, a million "I love you's" or "thank you's" and it's about time that I celebrate that. I spend literally everyday with these beautiful children and sometimes my role in their lives seems so natural or just part of my routine but the truth is - God has done incredible things in the past year that deserve a voice.

So for the next 14 days, I am going to post each day about one of my 14 boys and how they've grown or changed in the past year. Lord knows that I have about 200 photos of each child so it's going to be fun to decide which get posted. Stay tuned...

Celebrating a statistical Miracle

2011-06-18T07:30:00.006-05:00

In the Spring of 2004, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. She had a big tumor grow out of her heart and by the grace of God was relatively "cancer free" a year later after radiation and surgery. She made it 5 years after that without any signs of cancer growth until the summer of 2009 when tumors started to show back up again.

Mom's idea of a "bad hair day"

In 2009 and 2010, my mom battled through the harshest and strongest chemo cocktail that the medical world has and was determined again to have no known cancer growth in the fall of 2010. When it came back in 2009 my mom started praying that God would grant her 15 more years like Hezekiah got in 2 Kings 20. When she returned to Houston to meet with her doctors in the fall of 2010 - that's exactly what they told her. Her doctors were again shocked and said, "Wow. You must be one of those statistical outliers because we think you might live for another 10 to 15 years. It's possible."

My mom loves America's National Parks. She has a list of the parks she'd like to visit someday. To celebrate her miracle, I just spent the last week with her and my dad in Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia National Parks. She called the trip her "Yosemite Victory Tour."

"The LORD has done great things for us and we are filled with joy." - Psalm 126:3

Pray for the Douglas Retreat

2011-06-06T22:40:00.003-05:00

Please pray for us and pray for the workers from Casa Hogar Douglas this week. All the workers are going to leave and go on a spiritual retreat for 2 days. Who will take care of the kids? Great question - several B2B staff and 7 interns are going to do our best to handle every single aspect of running an orphanage. We will be taking care of the 70 some kids - getting them dressed for school, driving them to school, running their office, cooking for them and feeding them, doing all the laundry, cleaning, homework, playing, bathing, putting them to bed and then sleeping in the dorms. It's going to be awesome! The kids are clearly excited to have Americans take care of them for a few days but that also puts us Americans in a difficult position - they think that they can walk all over us. Pray that we maintain control, the kids have fun and stay safe. Pray for our spanish abilities, patience, energy levels and for good sleep.

I've been praying that God would just rock the workers on their retreat. Pray for Antonio and Priscilla and the pastor from Principe de Paz as they will be leading the retreat for the Douglas workers. We believe that God wants to do mighty things at Casa Hogar Douglas to make it a place of blessing, worship, refuge, healing, and unity. It starts though with the workers - unified as one body and spirit.

Would you join me in praying for the retreat this week through Philippians 2:1-4, "If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being likeminded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." and picking up again in verse 12, "continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life -- in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."

Under Armor

2011-05-30T15:27:00.002-05:00

In Ephesians 6 we are told, "be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."

I often get a little nervous the night before it's my turn to take over a dorm of little boys at Casa Hogar Douglas for the day so the full-time worker can take a day off. Honestly, the nights before, I don't usually sleep too well. The other night, I was prepping "lesson plans" of sorts like a teacher to be ready for the day to come and honestly just had to sit back and giggle at how franticly I tried to throw everything together and think through all the possible scenarios for the following day.

"What board games will Israel ask me to play with him?"

"Who am I going to give a hair cut to? Where are my clippers?"

"Children's vitamins?"

"Kids' movies? What will we watch before going to bed? Where is my other DVD player?"

"Children's books -- I need to switch up my stack and get some good ones."

"Will I let the older boys play my N64 after they read? Where is my extension cord?"

"Are the puzzles packed? Will we play with the train set? Are the legos in my car? Maybe we'll have time to play with play-doh before the big kids get home?"

"I wonder if the boys have anymore shampoo or toothpaste? I should bring some just in case."

I do this every night before I go - mentally go through my check list of what "tools" I need to successfully make it through the day with the boys. I realized all my stuff is like I'm suiting up for battle - and I dress for some kind of workout. But it doesn't matter what kind of dri-fit or under armour T-shirt I'm wearing if I've haven't taken the time to put on God's armor. I find myself praying very seriously and desperately as I drive over in the mornings to wake the boys up and get them ready for school.

Ephesians 6 continues in verse 14 with - "Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place and your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints."

I read this and think, "sounds like I'm supposed to be ready for battle eh? Really? What kind of battle? If I'm comfortable, am I missing something?" I've told several people this before - but part of what attracts me to wanting to take care of dorms full of very special and difficult little orphan boys for a full day at a time by myself is that it's probably the most difficult thing I've ever done in my life. I'm not naturally good at it. It does NOT come easy and for whatever reason I'm drawn to it. It forces me to get up against a wall and beg God to show up and to help me and to calm me down and break up fist fights between 4 year olds who can easily give someone a bloody nose. It's a battle. At the end of the day, I honestly feel it. I'm exhausted, I'm worn out, I often cry. Some days, I think I spend more of my time telling kids that I'm sorry for getting mad at them and yelling after I caught them beating up another child - that I'm sorry for raising my voice in the heat of the moment or that I'm sorry if I scared them with how angry I was at their violent reactions to each other (ironic huh?). Or when a child is driving me nuts, you will often hear me say out loud in English to a child something like, "you sweet blessing of the Lord." It's a reminder to me - that this crazy child is a blessing from God and shouldn't be viewed as annoying when they do something awful.

At the end of the day - like it says in Ephesians 6:13, I want to have already put on the "full armor of God so that after I have done everything, I can stand." It is easy to be loving, patient, calm and nurturing when you are rested, not melting to death from 110 + degree heat, dealing with one child at a time, feeling appreciated or like anyone is listening to you. If you're a mom of lots of small kids, you know - when is your day like that? Never? I realize that the absolute last thing that the enemy wants for my sweet Douglas boys is to have a calm, chaos free day where the few workers that are around are freed up to have one on one conversations with them, love of them, and adequately encourage them. Try reading stories about how much God loves these children to one half your dorm when the other half has broken out into an all out brawl over a lego man that they can't seem to share. It's a battle.

We are in a battle. The enemy roars around like a lion trying to take Christians out - make us useless. We gotta go on the offensive and take the enemy out. What is my weapon besides a really good Disney movie that my boys haven't seen before??? The word of God -- scripture. I need a reminder everyday - God is the hope here. His word, biblical truth - that's my weapon. When a little boy is in time out, my weapon against violence is scripture reminding them about who they are in the Lord's eyes. I need God's armor - the Holy Spirit to give me love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, righteousness, and self control to these boys.

Please pray for me but more importantly, pray for the workers in the children's homes that Back2Back is associated with to be daily covered in God's armor to love these children. Some workers names from Douglas -- Jose, Lorena, Mary, Javier, Panchita, Adrian, Isabel, Irma, Katy, Lorena

Showing some Love

2011-05-18T09:58:00.002-05:00

Bath time with more than one child can often get a little crazy. Imagine trying to shower and dress 10 boys ages 3 to 8 at one time- by yourself. I like to think of it as organized chaos. To add to the chaos, each boy has his own very strong likes and dislikes in the showering process, what kind of underwear they think are cool, whether or not I'm "allowed" to use soap, shampoo, etc. It didn't take me too many weeks of this to figure out that if I don't have tear-free kids shampoo, about half of the boys would refuse shampoo with violent tears oddly enough. We were preventing tears with tears. So now I've made it a mission to make sure that every week these boys have kids shampoo and kids toothpaste.

One of my boys after bath time came through the bathroom and caught me putting one more day's worth of shampoo for 10 boys from the regular bottle you buy in the store into a small bottle that we leave within their reach. If you leave the big bottle down there, one boy is for sure to knock it over on accident or pour the whole thing out for his pleasure. So this boy said, "why are you doing that? Why are you pouring just a little into that bottle?" I told him very directly that to me it's very very important that they have tear free shampoo everyday and that they bathe everyday just like it's important to me that they have "non-spicy" toothpaste. But if the whole bottle is down there, someone might waste it and then they won't have kids shampoo anymore. He said, "Love is when someone takes care of you. That's God's love." I was floored. I stopped my mopping of the soaking wet bathroom and looked at him and said, "Do you know that God is trying to demonstrate his love for you by sending people to take care of you? That's why I'm here. God sent me here to love you. That's why your full-time care-giver is here. That's why Sammy loves you (his favorite B2B intern). God sent your mom to love you (can't leave the biological mom out). I told him again for the 100th time that day that I love him very much. But I asked him Sammy's favorite question, "But do you remember who loves you more than all of us?" And he replied without hesitation, "The Lord." We then went on to dialogue as I mopped that God will never leave him alone and that there will always be someone to take care of him. This particular child has severe fear issues. He's always afraid that one of his brothers will leave him or that his mom will never come back. But we're both learning, this child is learning that God isn't going to go anywhere.

It was a beautiful end to a chaotic daily event.

Mandy and JJ

2011-05-15T12:38:00.004-05:00

Some of you are familiar with the Back2Back staff couple who has been fighting cancer for about a year now. But if you are one of my Florida readers - I'll try to give you the background story on Mandy and JJ. They came on staff in Monterrey and served as house parents for lots of teenage orphan boys for 2 years after adopting two beautiful children from Columbia - Nico and Sofia. This past summer, JJ found out he had a super rare stage 4 jaw cancer. And no, JJ was never a smoker, chewing tobacco user or drinker. It just happened. Since July, they have been back and forth between the states and their foster boys in Mexico trying to deal with surgeries, radiation, infections, financial woes and all that goes with the realities of having cancer (something my family is all too familiar with). It is important to know that JJ has no health insurance but has been blessed by a surgeon who has offered his services for free and many others who have donated financially to their cause. By this past February, they were forced to make a decision to move back to the states for JJ's medical care. They had to leave their foster boys. They had to leave the location of their home, their passion, and this ministry that God has so clearly laid on their hearts.

The bible never says that believers will have things easy or easier or that their lives will be free of suffering now that they believe in God and follow Christ. In fact, the bible says the complete opposite. Yet when we see a believer who is close to us suffer and go through something so difficult - especially such an awesome person like JJ who just loves the Lord and to me is so obviously trying to bring God glory daily as he strives to show orphan teens to know how much God loves them - we often say, "wait a minute... something doesn't make sense here. This just can't be fair." I asked the same questions when my mom got cancer and was given a 30% chance to live. If I'm honest with you, after having the chance to see Mandy and have coffee with her this morning in Cincinnati, I shed several tears after I said goodbye to her as I asked God again, "Why? Why Mandy and JJ? Why did they have to leave Mexico? God you placed this on their hearts and what would I do if I suddenly had to leave my Douglas boys? How would I react?" On and on I went in prayer as I wrestled with the Lord. My heart hurt for them and overflowed with thankfulness for my own health and the blessing that it is for me to be able to live in Mexico full time. I am so thankful for my support team.

I share this for several reasons. First, I want to ask you to pray for Mandy and JJ and their family - both with them in the states and those who had to stay behind in Mexico. Pray that God would give them a peace to know that He is in control, His love is good, His ways are just, He is the Lord and passionately loves them. He created them for such a time as this. And that God will be glorified through them and their testimony. Second, for you to pray about whether or not God would lead you to support them financially and help JJ afford cancer treatment and surgeries as an uninsured individual. If you feel led to support them - please contact Back2Back's home office and ask how you can do so.

Mandy and JJ - I miss you both very much. Your Monterrey family is still battling in prayer for you.

Praying for God's Kingdom

2011-05-14T10:22:00.003-05:00

So this morning I was reading in my bible Mark 11. Jesus has entered Jerusalem and then gets angry when he sees how the temple is being used. Jesus drove the people who were doing wrong out of the church area and then refused to allow anyone to carry merchandise through the temple courts. Then he explains what the temple/church is for - "My house will be called a house of prayer for all nations. But you have made it a den of robbers." This comes directly from Isaiah 56:7. I was struck by this today. The idea that the church is to be a place where we pray for the nations - for God's kingdom to come all around the world. Even though I live and serve in a foreign country everyday, I can forget the mandate that Christ has given to his church - to his bride - to his people - to be kingdom minded and to pray for all nations to be transformed and to know the living God who came to restore the broken and give life.

From the Summit itself...

2011-05-13T12:35:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here at The Christian Alliance for the Orphan's - Summit of the Orphan here in Louisville, Kentucky. And I must say that I'm so thrilled and thankful for the ability to attend this conference for the 2nd year in a row. This event is so awesome, so encouraging, so thought provoking and so challenging. Also, I'd like to give a shout out to Meg Weaver and Sammy Matthews who made this journey with me and deciding to attend the summit this year as my friends who are awesome members of this Back2Back extended family.

Here is the first of many blog posts I will make regarding this conference of things I've found incredibly thought provoking:

300,000 American born - American kids are trafficked WITHIN the United States by pimps and then bought and sold for sex by american men. Of those 300,000 children each year who are forced to sell themselves for sex, 70% of these kids were at one time involved in american foster care.

I find this statistic mind blowing and invokes incredible amounts of anger from within every part of my soul.

The Summit this year has really driven home for me the idea that it is the American Church's responsibility and obligation to care for foster children - to pay attention to them and to welcome them into their churches. Did you know that your local church can contact your county's foster care agencies and offer to give rides to any children within the system who want to go to church? Your local church can and SHOULD be engaging these vulnerable children for Christ. They are so desperate for an identity and a family. Your church and your church's youth group and sunday school programs could be the answer to this void in a child's life. Would you pray about checking that out for yourself and making some phone calls?

What to join me next week?

2011-05-05T14:48:00.003-05:00

In case you were waiting for a personal invite - here it is....

I want you to come with me next Thursday and Friday (May 12 and 13) to Lexington, KY for The Summit of the Orphan. I went to it last year and it was easily one of the highlights of my entire year.

What is it? Well... It's a big conference for anyone who is interested in exploring God's heart for the orphan - both in your own community and around the world.

Apparently it's like an hour from Cincinnati so if you could only make it for one of the days or part of a day - you could just drive down and make it a day trip. Registration is still open. And I'd love to dialogue with you at the event itself about what you liked, were challenged by, inspired by, etc. Come sit next to me!!! Every year the event changes locations around the states - this year it's your backyard!

Email me or send me a comment on my blog if you'd like to know how we could meet up at the event if you are interested.

For event info - click here at The Christian Alliance for the Orphan's website.

Come Away With Me

2011-04-05T13:46:00.004-05:00

A new Jesus Culture song called, "Come Away," has given words to something God reminded me of in a recent mission trip with Back2Back to our new site in Cancun. During that week, I was reminded again of what God has done to transform who I am in the past 5 years so that He can use me to minister to orphans everyday. Everyday of my life is an adventure. Ministry to orphans can be emotionally draining and physically exhausting in the heat of Monterrey but my heart has never felt fuller. I have never felt more reaffirmed in my calling than in these past few weeks. Right now - right here - this - this is exactly what God wants me to be doing. But when God first asked me to open up my heart to him and to let him in - I didn't want to. I was afraid. When God first started telling me to move to Mexico to work with Back2Back I thought it was crazy. It seemed too crazy to be the right thing to do so I avoided it for months. Raising support to move here was scary and I didn't want to do it.

During the Cancun trip, I told our group an illustration of my spiritual life. In college, I went skydiving once with some people that I had met the week before. I got a group discount to go skydiving with about 20 guys from Kappa Sig and 2 girls who invited me to join them. What was I thinking? On top of that - I had just met these girls that week.

the week I met Lindsey and Jess in 2006 - right before our big jump

When it came time to jump out of the plane with the instructor dude strapped to my back - I had both of my hands securely holding onto the plane. He told me to let go of each hand - one at a time- and then he'd push us out. I stood there looking out the open plane door for a good minute yelling at the guy and arguing with him and saying that I wouldn't do it. I wouldn't let go. Well eventually I did and it was one of the most insane experiences of my life. I'm glad I jumped. But I couldn't have jumped out of the plane if I didn't let go completely. Deciding to say, "YES!!" to God and follow Christ with my life and not just one hour of my Sunday mornings felt like jumping out of a plane all over again. I am so so so glad and thankful that I did jump with the Lord. I don't think we can fully know what God has for us unless we jump with him. To give the Lord your life - your career - your bank account - your free time - your stuff - your car - your friends --- it's scary. It can feel like jumping out of a plane. Will your parachute even work? Will you land? That's the adventure God has for you. Bible tells us that God has wonderful plans for our lives. I believe that for each of us - that involves our decision with whether or not we even want that plan - God's plan for our lives. But in order to have God's plan for your life - you gotta jump out of the plane because you can't have 2 lives - your plans and also God's plans all at the same time. They are different plans. So pick one. Go all in.

listen to the Jesus Culture song by clicking on this link ----> Come Away

The song says - "Come away with me, Come away with me. It's never too late, it's not too late. It's not too late for you. I have a plan for you. I have a plan for you. It's gonna be wild. It's gonna be great. It's gonna be full of me. Open up your heart and let me in."

Amen

King for a Day

2011-04-05T11:44:00.003-05:00

Yesterday one of my boys turned 9 years old. He has lived at Casa Hogar Douglas since he was in diapers. He's been through a lot and in the past has been described as an incredibly angry, frustrated, and aggressive child. These days, he is softening up. You see him smile all the time instead of frowning or scowling at you. He is more controlled and gentle and patient with his younger brother.

Living with the boys at Douglas this past summer opened my eyes to sad reality that birthdays for these orphans are probably the worst day of their year instead of the best. They are a reminder that they are thrown into a group, not celebrated as individuals, that their mom or dad didn't make their birthday a priority, that they are not a priority to mom because she didn't visit on their birthday or bring them anything, no one notices it is their birthday, etc, etc. It is an emotionally disturbing day for them. I was shocked once I realized this awful truth.

Since then, I've tried my best to make sure that each of my boys is celebrated like an individual and treated special on the exact calendar day of their birthday whether it is a special movie we watch with snacks or ice cream just for them on their birthday and we sing happy birthday and make them feel special. Every now and then, one of my boy's Shelter Sponsors gets involved in this celebration and witnessing this yesterday warmed my heart because at least for one day - something was right in this messed up situation.

Adrian turned 9 yesterday on April 4th. But about 6 weeks ago, his Shelter Sponsor made sure that he'd be celebrated on his birthday with some gifts and a card so that he wouldn't be forgotten. His mom didn't come. His full-time caregivers hadn't checked the calendar to know that it was even his birthday (I don't blame them - this has happened to me before). But his Shelter Sponsors were right there celebrating him even though they were thousands of miles away through their words on encouragement in a card reminding him that he is loved and important to them and to the Lord.

The day before his birthday, I wrote out a quick check list just to make sure I wouldn't forget anything. When I was done, I looked at it and it hit me that this is the kind of check list a mom would make for her 9 year old. This is what it is supposed to look like. But then I could hear the enemy tell me, "that's excessive. He's an orphan. Why go to all that trouble for just one kid? Don't bother." But that's all lies and I knew it.

We sang to him, celebrated him, let him pick the movie that day, and then we ate the biggest cake ever. For one day... he was happy all day and for just one day he was king of his dorm.

Always playing dress up

2011-04-04T11:36:00.008-05:00

Spiderman 1 and Spiderman 2 are always playing dress up. On this particular day, they came home from pre-school and I changed them out of their uniforms into play clothes. They then tried to hide from me and put on costumes below their play clothes so I wouldnt notice. Oh I noticed and then I made them pose for pictures while I giggled. They ran around outside for about 6 hours on this day pretending to be spiderman and attack stuff.

Jahir is pretty much the coolest kid ever. He thinks he is some kind of thug and talks like one. Well he came home from school dressed like this and with electric green hair (hard to see in this photo but trust me) and I about died. He also could then not explain why he was even dressed like that and what role he had in the school assembly.

Thing 1 and Thing 2 - above - will wear whatever I want them to. Now they are professional soccer players. Vamos Tigres!

So Star Wars is in production daily at Douglas in case you like that sort of thing. Luis' mask changes his voice to sound like Darth Vader and really freaked me out the first time.

David got hurt really bad in pre-school about a month ago and then couldn't go to pre-school for about a week while his finger healed. So he would come to my house and dress up like pirates and build trains. Arrggh!!

Music to My Ears

2011-03-31T08:55:00.002-06:00

The honest truth I'm finding is that educational success on any level for children of all ages in an orphanage is as easy to come by as actually finding the Lucky Charms pot of gold underneath a rainbow in real life. Most are not on grade level, can't read, don't know basic math and have no motivation to work hard to improve.

Thus, the idea of reading for fun isn't usually present. So I decided to try something with my boys ages 8 to 12 who I take care of every Monday and for the past 2 weeks it's worked like a charm (no pun intended).

I sat them all down and told them that when I was their age, my mom used to make me and my siblings read everyday for one hour. The TV had to go off, no video games and you had no choice - you went to your room and you read for one hour whatever book you wanted. I went on to tell them that success in school begins with reading because if you can read well then you can do everything else well. Later you can go to high school and college but if you don't learn to read well - you'll never make it to high school and likely won't make very much money to support your family. (They don't know it yet but for an orphan, without any family to support them and help them arrive at a good job in this country or pay for high school tuition - the future doesn't look too bright.)

So when I said, "one hour" they all about jumped out the window. I'm going to work my way up to that length of time. For now it's just 15 minutes. They each pick a book from my bag, sit on their bed and read out loud till I say that 15 minutes is up. When that's done, I let them take turns playing my N64 for about 2 hours. Those boys would try to walk across the room on their hands to play my N64.

But hearing ten little boys reading out loud and giggling at what they are reading in their Captain Underpants books is honestly music to my ears. I love it.

Can't Escape Reality

2011-03-30T09:31:00.002-06:00

My heart hurts just thinking about this and writing it down makes it more in my face.... but it is what it is so I'm going to share it so you can pray for my kids.

Yesterday, like every Tuesday, I was in charge of the youngest boys' dorm at Douglas. Things were going fine - the boys were crazy, it was like 100 degrees outside, no one took a nap until 3 year old David literally fell asleep after his bath on top of a bike in the middle of the living room at about 6 pm (early bedtime? I think so), homework was a struggle, same old same old. But then one of the workers at Douglas tells me about what happened in pre-school that day...

One of my 4 year old boys had attacked a little girl in his class and hit her and threw a chair at her. So I called this little 4 year old boy over to talk about his behavior. I was ready to talk about it and then put him in time-out for a good while (maybe 10 minutes which is like an eternity in a 4 year old's mind). So we started talking about it. He decided to just sit in my lap for the conversation which made me giggle almost because he knew he was in trouble but wasn't about to avoid me. He starts by telling me that the girl was saying bad things so he hit her. So I started talking about how we don't hit girls and when we are angry at someone we need to stop and breathe for a minute and go tell the teacher what the other kid did before attacking them because that only gets you in trouble. And then this Douglas worker told me what the little 4 year old said to him that made him so angry - the little girl told all the "orphanage boys" in her class that they had to sit at the table for the kids from "the orphanage" and that they couldn't sit with the "normal" kids. So naturally, my kid defended himself. Just hearing it made me furious. And so now I'm livid and supposed to tell my kid that it doesn't matter what others say to you - you aren't allowed to punch and hit people or bite people or throw chairs at them. I told him to tell her that he has a mom (even though he only sees her for like an hour or two on Sundays) and that if she says anything nasty again like that to tell the teacher to help you because she is saying ugly things.

Apparently this has been going on for some time now and it's not just this little girl. The kids in their class call them the "orphan kids" from "the orphanage" and make fun of them. I shouldn't be shocked or surprised. They do live in an orphanage. But I've met their mothers. For crying out loud - most days I feel like their mother. They are 4 year olds! And yet this is their reality and other kids rub it in to make it worse. I wont' be encouraging my kids to throw chairs at anyone but when I heard the whole story I was actually proud of my kid for putting that 4 year old girl in her place. Is that wrong? I didn't tell him that though.

Pray for my pre-schoolers and that kids at school would stop making fun of the orphan.

My 15 year old scissors

2011-03-25T12:28:00.002-06:00

I had a good chuckle this past week in the palapa at Casa Hogar Douglas. I was cutting hair with my sweet $20 hair clippers from walmart for whatever boys needed a hair cut. Since this past summer, my hair cutting skills have gone from like a D+ to more like a B-. What is "cool" here in Mexico to a little boy is a little different than in the states and I'm conforming to this culture despite my distaste for the style. Between Monday and Tuesday I gave 7 boys between the ages of 4 and 13 a haircut and each one was rather different - partly because they wanted different looks and partly because I was experimenting in my methods.

At one point, I decided to shave the sides with my electric clippers and trim the top with just my scissors to keep it a little longer on top and not look so "bald" or "pelon" as they say in spanish. And I started laughing when I realized that my children's scissors that I was using to cut this sweet child's hair were the school scissors that I've had since perhaps 4th grade. My mom never let us buy new school supplies every year because it was a waste of resources if you could just use the same ones over again. Mom - those $1.50 scissors have gone a long way. Some 15 years later they are serving to give orphan boys a hair cut. And believe it or not - after seeing my finished products - there is a line forming from others who think I know what I'm doing.

The Magic Words

2011-03-24T09:30:00.003-06:00

This past summer when I lived at Casa Hogar Douglas and was in charge of the 14 youngest boys there - bedtime was pretty much my daily nightmare. At that point in the day, I had been up trying to maintain my sanity and the safety of 14 boys for about 14 hours. I didn't speak enough spanish and I didn't have control. I was not at all intimidating to the boys. Thus, Betty - another B2B staff member who happens to be Mexican and fluent in spanish would usually arrive right at bedtime and tell my boys to get in bed and go to sleep. She was always so good at it and I was always incredibly thankful for her help because sometimes I would try to fall asleep on the floor right along with the boys from my own exhaustion.

These days things are different. They split up some of my boys and sent the 4 oldest upstairs to another dorm which only left 10 downstairs in the youngest dorm. There is a HUGE difference between 14 and 10. I don't live there all the time anymore. Now I come on Mondays to cover for the workers of the medium boys - ages 8 to 12. And on Tuesdays I cover for the workers in the youngest boys dorm - ages 3 to 8 - so that those workers can take a day off. This past summer - I had a lot of help in this - some incredible interns were right alongside me - laughing at the silly things the boys would do and crying right along with me when we had lost control and couldn't take it anymore.

But now I fly solo. If you had told me this summer that one day I would take care of all those boys by myself for 12 to 15 solid hours - I would have told you, "not in a million years." I've been reminded every single week since then that God doesn't call the equipped. God equips the called. And that is exactly what He has done. He is transforming me every week into someone who: speaks Spanish, has patience, loves children, multitasks professionally, disciplines, establishes boundaries, and can put 10 little boys to sleep in spanish all by herself. THAT'S NUTS!! But God is doing it.

At bedtime, I now have some "magic words." I've started pulling them aside one at a time to put them to bed individually instead of all at once. They are pretty much never treated like individuals so I decided to give this a try. And it's working beautifully. I pick them up one at time from the couch and we read a story, brush our teeth, go to the potty, and then I pray over them individually and thank god for creating them and making them so perfect and beautiful and intelligent and we ask god to give them good dreams and then I pull out my magic words... I tell them the honest truth which is that I love them so much and that my favorite day of the week is the day that I get to take care of them and be with them all day. I hug them and kiss their little faces and you can see it in their eyes - they just melt when they hear that. But it's the truth. Their little hearts melt and they feel loved and wanted and they close their eyes and go to sleep literally smiling - without fighting me - without protesting - without trying to get out of bed. It's beautiful.

The Most Beautiful Valentine's Day of my Life

2011-02-22T10:33:00.005-06:00

I'm unashamed to admit that last Monday night - Valentine's Day was the absolute best and most beautiful Valentine's Day of my entire life. Yes mom - I'm still single. Don't go jumping to conclusions. And no Grandma - I'm not dating Tim Tebow. Anyways...

Valentine's Day was my day with the "Primario Boys Dorm" at Casa Hogar Douglas. I was thrilled that I was scheduled to work for one of the dorms on Valentine's Day so that those workers - newlyweds at that - could enjoy a relaxing Valentine's Day off while I took care of their 10 boys for the day. My boys were incredibly sweet to me on this day. I made them all homemade Valentines and gave them each their own bag of candy and toys. They were so appreciative and kept saying, "Thank you Caroline. I just love you." Considering that I pretty much NEVER give them candy - I prefer toothbrushes, toothpaste, sugarless gum, fresh fruit and children's vitamins - this was a bit of a treat.

The entire day was rather uneventful until dinner. An american team serving with Back2Back for the week was grilling dinner for the children's home and I was thrilled because if I had to be stuck at Douglas all day on Valentine's Day - at least someone could grill me a mexican hot dog. It was a huge improvement from the plate of refried beans I'm often served for dinner on Monday nights so I enjoyed it very much.

As the American team was cleaning and packing up to leave for the night, Jim Betscher a fellow staff member with B2B got up and explained to the group that for the next 7 days - ALL the kids and workers from douglas were going to do a prayer walk to pray over all the different areas and dorms every night after dinner and that they were start tonight and on the 7th day - they'd do the prayer walk 7 times. I was so shocked and taken a back by this that I literally got teary eyed in the palapa that very second. You see, a year or so ago - me and Jim used to joke and just throw out what we thought were ridiculous prayer requests and dreams for what Casa Hogar Douglas would be like some day. Over the past 2 years, I have seen first hand every day the power of prayer displayed at that children's home. I've seen God break down barriers and remove people and bring new people in and resources to literally change everything about that home. I know that nothing will change that home for the better without prayer. We've been dreaming that those children would come to know the Lord as their savior and that they'd grow up to be worshippers of God and to know his power in their lives. We've prayed that Douglas would be a place of true worship - a place where the kids cry out to their heavenly father.

So he announces this and then I'm supposed to round up all my kids and go up on top of the hill to the chapel as we began to pray with the kids. I'm still fighting tears at this point. We walked around and the kids laid hands on every building on the property for the next hour. We prayed over every dorm and it's workers individually and prayed scripture over their business out front, the church, the office, the dining hall - everything. Baby David fell asleep in my arms about half way through. The kids were repeating God's promises and scripture after Javier, they were praying and laying their hands on the buildings and dorms and I was just crying and in total shock. Because this is how it starts. This is how real change comes about. It was without a doubt the most beautiful thing I have seen/witnessed in my entire 2.5 years here in Mexico.

About 2/3rds the way through the prayer walk on that first night, Jim and I just started laughing as he said, "Can't you just feel the ground shaking? The kids are praying and the ground is just shaking. All the bad guys are freaking out - they are trembling. The enemy is being defeated."

That's right - the enemy has been defeated. Death couldn't hold Jesus down. As believers, we know how this thing ends. We know who gets the victory on the final showdown. And when we band together and pray for God's victory, justice, light, truth and righteousness - God will deliver. He will come through.

Bible says that we don't have because we don't ask in prayer (James 4:2) and that if we will humble ourselves and pray to God that He will come down from heaven and just heal our land (2 Chron 7:14). I have never been more convinced or just giddy over the weapon that confident prayer is for anyone trying to follow after Christ - the kind of prayer were you just declare what's right and good and true and are CONFIDENT that God will answer.

on a side note - I asked each of the boys jokingly if any of them wanted to be my Valentine. A few thought about it and I said, "are you sure? because if you say yes than that means that we have to get married." And their faces were priceless - the look of - no way caroline! you're nuts! Jose told me, "no way! My mom said I can't have a girlfriend." Jose is 6 years old. Hilarious. Fernando agreed far too enthusiastically to be counted as normal. I clarified and said, "fernando are you sure? Do you know what that means? it means we have to get married when you are older." And he jumped up and down and threw his hands up in the air and yelled, "That's what I've ALWAYS wanted!!!" You gotta love that kid.

Kappa Sigma Douglas

2011-02-11T12:53:00.012-06:00

Sometimes I feel like I'm the house mom for some kind of fraternity house for little boys when I'm supervising the kids at Casa Hogar Douglas. It's a strange brotherhood they have. They are loyal only to siblings and to those boys who live in their particular dorm. Sometimes the primario dorm tries to steal stuff from the pricipiantes dorm and vice versa. If a boy from a different dorm tries to sit on the couch and watch tv inside the dorm that is not his own - the other boys yell at him and tell him that he has to leave. If a girl enters, they all yell and tell her to leave immediately <-- not fitting for college boys but after all - they are little boys. Girls are not allowed according to these little rascals.

For Israel's 8th birthday - I let the boys play monster truck racing on my N64 for the first time ever. Israel made it very clear that this was perhaps the best day of his life.

All the rest of the boys piled around the tv to take turns racing in 2 player mode. I giggled at how entertained they were and immediately thought to myself, "what a strange fraternity house this is."

At times, they turn the bathroom into a roller skating rink. And parade around like they are the kings or superheros of the world.

They ride bikes inside.

They go for joy rides.

And then there are the themed costume parties - like the village people party that I laughed at last week...

yes - YMCA anyone?

go ahead - show them your best stud face Oziel

"Reach for the sky!!!" -- says Alex doing his best Woody impression after breakfast

how I love and adore each of them...

8 Words

2011-02-09T13:39:00.008-06:00

I'm thrilled to say that the 2nd graders are making some serious progress academically. We work 5 days each week for about 2 to 3 hours each day on homework, reading, math flash cards and other learning games. They still think that my extra practice is like "fun games" and they beg to play them.

Honestly, most days I look at what their teacher asked them to do for homework and then I yell out loud in english about how this is simply punishment for ME because their teacher expects me to fight with them for hours as if I'm plucking teeth to do some of these seemingly pointless assignments. If I'm getting discouraged, clearly they are too.

Jose playing a number "game"

BUT - after 4 weeks, I'm seeing improvements. And yesterday's about knocked me out of my chair.

Mark down the date people - Tuesday Feb. 8, 2011 - FERNANDO READ 8 WORDS to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 8 words!! HE IS READING!!! In addition to that, he's really good at math. Last week, after finishing his math homework he yelled really loudly at Betty, "Betty!!! I'm smart!!!!" just in case she had her doubts. At that, both Betty and I died with laughter and joy all on the inside and reassured him that we have known all along that he is smart. I tell him that he is smart after just about each and every math problem he does. His confidence is building substantially.

Fernando actually doing some homework

Isai can now do basic addition and at times - basic subtraction.

At the beginning of January, Israel could read about 20 words per minute and now he's reading over 80 words per minute.

All of them have learned to do 2 digit addition and subtraction and know how to carry and borrow numbers.

Isai actually knows the numbers 1 - 100 now and can recognize most of the letters of the alphabet.

It's a start. It's progress. It's encouraging.

Below are photos from the Happy Meals we treated the kids to from McDonalds to celebrate how hard they have been working on their homework.

My heart was very happy on this day of Happy Meals because it felt sooo normal to take my 7 kids to McDonalds on a Friday night and then eat ice cream cones. They were just like all the other kids at McDonalds. I however am not anything like the other dolled up MOMS at McDonalds. But whatever - I was thrilled and thankful for the opportunity to let them be like other "normal" kids.

Fear of abandonment

2011-02-09T12:24:00.004-06:00

A few nights ago I was putting the 9 youngest boys from Douglas into their beds for bedtime. These days, I have this privilege once or twice each week with these particular boys. The routine sounds rather simple I think. We bathe after dinner, brush our teeth, watch a movie, read books and play with legos until it's time for bed. I give them a 5 minute warning. We clean up the toys. They get in their beds. They pray about their day. And they are supposed to then try to sleep. It's hard for anyone I imagine to get a large group of little boys to lay down in their beds, stay there, stop playing and jumping, stop talking, and actually close their eyes.

One little boy in particular ALWAYS refuses to get into his bed. After I chase him into his bed, he usually starts yelling very loudly or chanting the same word over and over again. He often yells, "I can't sleep! I can't sleep!!" Unfortunately, his outbursts had just become part of the bedtime routine in my mind. So this past week, I decided to just talk to him, sit with him and literally hold his hand until he falls asleep.

The conversation we had rocked me. His older brother said something to the effect of, "We (he and his brothers) are going to live in this casa hogar until we graduate from 6th grade. After that we will leave the children's home to live with our mom again." <-- obviously something his mother has told him when he asks her how long he has to live in an orphanage. His younger brother, the one who has trouble sleeping, starts yelling and crying about how he is never going to make it that far in school and that because he can't finish that many years of school, that his mom and his brothers are going to abandon him and leave him at the children's home all by himself. Then he starts yelling about how he is scared, it's too dark, things are going to attack him in the night and that he is afraid and that because of that - he will not sleep ever. Instead of saying something like, "close your eyes and please be quiet and stop talking," which I have to say a lot to these talkative kids at bedtime... I sat with him until he fell asleep. I always sit with the 3 and 4 year olds until they are sleep but rarely do I focus in on one of the older boys at bedtime. I felt guilty of ignoring his outbursts and devoting my attention to his younger brothers. I spent a few minutes talking with him about how God is going to protect him while he sleeps and about the workers that live next to his dorm and how they won't let anyone come in and attack him. We talked about how his brothers - his sibling set - will never be separated.

Eventually he fell asleep. It often takes a solid hour after the first time I say, "ok it's time to get into your beds." and turn out out the lights for all of them to fall sleep. I'm not sure it would take that long if they felt more secure, more loved and less abandoned. He honestly fears that his older brother is going to walk away from him like his parents have. Because of this fear, he insists on sleeping in the same twin size bed as his older brother just so he can be sure he doesn't walk off in the middle of the night and leave him.

Every single night at bedtime, the boys want to rehearse back to themselves why I am going to say goodnight and then go back to my apartment at Back2Back. They make beautiful and yet heart breaking requests as they beg me and try to entice me to just stay with them for the night. They all yell, "Caroline I love you. Please don't leave me. You can sleep in that bed right there. See it. It's empty. You don't have to leave. See? Yes?"

That very same day was the birthday of one of my boys. His mom couldn't come celebrate with him. But she called the office phone to wish him happy birthday before she went to work the 12 hour night shift at the factory where she works.

Driving away that night, I cried rather violently as I sometimes do when I leave and just prayed for God to heal their sweet little broken hearts and the scars from abandonment.

Pre-Judgement

2011-01-27T14:40:00.003-06:00

Visitors with Back2back often ask within minutes of their first encounter with one of the many orphans we serve a question similar to, "How could their parents abandon them like this?" For the 2.5 years that I worked here in Monterrey, my answer has usually been something like, "yeah I know what you mean. I just don't know. I can't imagine what circumstances in life could warrant just walking away from my toddler."

The hours each week I spend with some of these precious children leave me with mixed emotions that range from sadness and frustration to delight and true joy. Sometimes, I am frustrated with the legal guardians - mostly moms - who I see from time to time as they come to visit their kids in the orphanage where they live. I wonder why they haven't gotten their lives together to provide for their kids. I've accused them of choosing a boyfriend over their children. Sometimes I feel as if I am being punished and is if I'm some kind of victim as well because I have to care for 10 of them at once when their moms are nowhere to be found - don't know how they are behaving or struggling or if they are sick and throwing up or won't go down for a nap. And yet I absolutely melt inside when one of them sees their mom in the distance and runs to her and jumps into her arms and just smiles and feels safe and loved and wanted and valued. That image of their reunion will be forever with me. As well as the image of the child screaming and crying as that same mom walks away to catch a bus leaving her child all over again.

Or on the days when their child is scared and feels alone and abandoned and just cries for hours about how they want their mommy. If I honest, I often think of their mom in those moments and I'm frustrated that all this kid has is me.

There are moments in these children's lives where you know that their parents would do anything to witness - when they learn how to read, ride a bike, write their name, participate in a school play, graduate from school, loose their first tooth, learn how to play an instrument or enjoy their birthday present. But their parent isn't there and most of the time, they don't even know these milestones are occurring.

This past week however I have realized that I've been wrong. As I talk more with their parents when they come to visit or listen to my boys tell me about their pasts, I am starting to see a whole need side to their "abandonment." Sometimes, living in a children's home is the best place for a kid. Sometimes, to prevent their father from beating them or attempting to murder his own children again, a mom "hides" her children in an orphanage so he can't hurt them anymore.

I listened to one of my boys after he returned to the dorm from doing his homework his understanding of his life story. When I hear these devastating memories, I am often completely speechless. I have no idea what to say in response to some of the things they tell me. But I was reminded and so was he, that living in an orphanage is actually a good place to be sometimes. He told me that. He said he was thankful to live at Casa Hogar Douglas and that he feels safe there.

And so I immediately thought again about his mom and all the ways I've been wrong in my judgement of her. All along I've thought that she chose her new boyfriend over her children. I could not have been more wrong. You see, she loves her children and it's obvious when you see her interact with them. She NEVER misses a visitation day. She buses for 2 to 3 hours ONE WAY just to see her kids on sundays and then turns around and does it again for another 2 to 3 hours to get home. She works 6 days a week at a factory and works 12 hour shifts. She is just trying to protect her children. And in an average week I spend between 40 and 60 hours with her children and she gets maybe 2 hours with them on Sundays. It's not fair. It's not fair for her kids, for her or for me. And yet that's just how it is. So we've got to make the best out of a bad situation.

Beth likes to say that "the story isn't over yet." I know it isn't. Isaiah 43:19 that He "will make a way in the wilderness." Make a way Jesus. Make a way.

Small Victories

2011-01-27T13:10:00.003-06:00

Betty helping the 2nd graders work out some word problems in their math books

Yesterday, I spent 3 hours with a rather difficult child trying to get him to stop crying and just do his homework. He cried and cried saying that, "There is just too much homework and I don't want to do it." At one point he tried to rationalize with me and say, "I don't like letters or words. I only like numbers. Let me do math instead. When will I ever need to know this in the future?" Those of us trying to help him honestly sat back and giggled in secret at first because he's just adorable. And the agony that he was in was being expressed in such an over the top and over exaggerated manor.

At one point, I told him to come outside with me and run laps on the sport court. We did. He laughed and he beat me. And then gladly walked back into the homework room to try again only to start crying again within a matter of 3 minutes.

The other children in the room, one after another, finished their rather long homework to all of us cheering for them and throwing them into the air, giving them high fives. The proud looks on each of their faces was priceless.

But not for my partner for the day. He just kept crying and kept writing and yelling each letter as he wrote them.

I had to celebrate the fact that this particular child was actually doing his homework - regardless of his awful attitude that day. He has done his homework every single day this year. Last year, I think he completed his homework maybe 10 times. He is learning to read. He likes the reading games that Ruby made for him. He is very good at math. And most days, he can be calm enough to sit in a chair and do 1 to 2 hours of homework. That's incredible. That's night and day improvement from a year ago.

Tomorrow, we are going to take all the 1st and 2nd graders to McDonalds for some happy meals to celebrate how hard they are working everyday. I might even buy them ice cream cones.

Week 2 Tutoring Update

2011-01-21T12:22:00.002-06:00

After 2 weeks - about 20 hours- of assisting in the tutoring of the 1st and 2nd graders at Douglas, I feel super encouraged and motivated.

I decided to focus on tutoring these grades after watching a fellow Back2Back staff member - Betty - volunteer and sacrifice 10 to 15 hours each week last semester by herself trying to teach these kids how to read, add, subtract and get their homework done daily. Betty is honestly my hero. She cares about the well being of each child at Douglas in a way that is inspiring. She daily puts her own needs aside to desperately try to improve every aspect of these children's lives. Betty fully embodies what I think it means to be a social worker. She stands in the gap everyday and in every way for these kids. Betty can often be found literally pounding on people's desks in demand of improvement for the 70 kids of Casa Hogar Douglas. Betty is simply just awesome. And I really just want to help her in her efforts to give all the 1st and 2nd graders a solid educational foundation.

3 of the 7 students can read. The other 4... are all on rather different levels with regards to reading and math skills. Some can't identify numbers or any letters, can't read at all, can't add, etc. Others are on the verge of reading short words and it's evident how hard Betty has slaved last semester to get them to that point.

Another fellow Back2Back staff member - Ruby - teaches the Back2Back staff kids full time has given me lots of fun educational games to play with the kids to teach them letters, numbers, sounds and to practice reading. After 2 weeks, none of the kids have figured out that playing these games with me is like doing extra homework. They think of it as a reward or a prize. If that is not success, I don't know what is.

My goal: I want all 1st and 2nd graders at Douglas to be able to read short words by June and I can sort see some light at the end of the tunnel.

Freezing Fun

2011-01-17T11:11:00.005-06:00

Last week was really cold and it rained a ton in Mexico. We had no snow but when it is below 5 degrees Celsius, the kids do not go to school (Mexican version of a "snow day") because the public schools have no heaters and they think it's wrong for kids to sit in a classroom that is around 40 degrees F or below. Most buildings here have no insulation or climate control. So if it is cold outside, it is around the same temperature inside buildings.

But thanks to some fun winter clothes donations from my cousins, the boys were not only warm and styling but also laughing because they thought their clothes were so fun.

Oziel laughed for at least an hour while playing with his puppy dog puppet gloves and beanie. He put on a rather violent puppet show where dogs eat other children and then attack each other.

Alexis and Isai listened to me and showered when I asked them to without me having to ask them multiple times so they got first pick of the new PJs I had brought. Once they realized that these PJs were glow n the dark - they turned the dorm lights on and off for the next 2 hours just so they could see themselves glow. The bathtime/bedtime routine is never chill when you have 10 boys under the age of 7 but this night was especially crazy as you can imagine. 2 other boys had glow n the dark pirate PJs. On an extremely positive note for their full time caregiver - Katy - the older boys are now running to be the first to bathe and follow instructions so they can have first pick of the the PJs which is a huge improvement.

Reunited

2011-01-10T17:54:00.003-06:00

Today I got to see most of my boys for the first time since before Christmas break. If you were with me, this is a sampling of what you would have heard:

"Caaa-LO-liiiiinne!!! Hi! You are going to read stories to me now! The very hungry caterpillar first ok? Look Katy, Carloline is back and we are going to read stories right now." -- Oziel

"Carloline! You get my bike down now?" - David

"CAROLINE!!!! Hug me! I love you so much!!!" -- Fernando

"Where did you go?" - Israel

"You were with my mom weren't you? You gave her pictures of me. She told me about it." - Jose

I gave them all their children's vitamins, yelled at the older boys to get off the trampoline because only 4 can jump at one time - not 12, played memory with Jose and Fernando, did some numbers flash cards with some others, read books to David and Oziel and cut everyone's fingernails.

Tomorrow - they are all mine from sun up to sun down. I can't wait.

Why God is my MVP

2011-01-06T13:37:00.002-06:00

Lately I've been furiously angry with those who keep trying to take advantage of my orphan friends. So I turn to the Bible to either make me more angry or calm me down - depends on my mood. And this is why me and God are great friends:

Psalm 140:12 -- "I know that the LORD secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy."

You take advantage of orphan children - you have another thing coming...

Amos 8:3-10 -- “In that day,” declares the Sovereign LORD, “the songs in the temple will turn to wailing. Many, many bodies—flung everywhere! Silence!”

⁴ Hear this, you who trample the needy
and do away with the poor of the land,

⁵ saying,

“When will the New Moon be over
that we may sell grain,
and the Sabbath be ended
that we may market wheat?”—
skimping on the measure,
boosting the price
and cheating with dishonest scales,
⁶ buying the poor with silver
and the needy for a pair of sandals,
selling even the sweepings with the wheat.

⁷ The LORD has sworn by himself, the Pride of Jacob: “I will never forget anything they have done.

⁸ “Will not the land tremble for this,
and all who live in it mourn?
The whole land will rise like the Nile;
it will be stirred up and then sink
like the river of Egypt.

⁹ “In that day,” declares the Sovereign LORD,

“I will make the sun go down at noon
and darken the earth in broad daylight.
¹⁰ I will turn your religious festivals into mourning
and all your singing into weeping.
I will make all of you wear sackcloth
and shave your heads.
I will make that time like mourning for an only son
and the end of it like a bitter day."

Back to 1st Grade

2011-01-04T18:02:00.003-06:00

I'm back in Monterrey now and have found myself with some time on my hands today and decided to spend a day trying to create a "learning tool box" for my 1st and 2nd graders. I have no flash cards for anything - I must have given them all away to other children's homes in donations this past August so I am going to make my own flash cards and draw my own pictures. I have plenty of books for my pre-school kids. We read books in spanish for hours, work on coloring, learning to count to 10 in english and spanish, and learn colors. But once they hit 1st grade, I have noticed that I back off and stay far away from the homework tables.

Well, first semester is over, we got their grades back and honestly almost half of the 20 little boys that I take care of weekly are failing or below grade level and most can barely read and write at all.

Up until now, I told myself that homework was someone else's problem because I just don't speak good enough spanish. This past September was the first time I felt confident enough to read out loud to my boys in spanish. Since then, we've developed in interest in reading, books, a respect for books, and the patience to listen to someone reading for almost a hour or more in one sitting. That's progress. I didn't chicken out then but I've spent some time now online looking at games to learn the alphabet and learn numbers and I'm overwhelmed. I studied science in college not elementary education. But like Paul said he was going to be all things to all men - I'm going to be mom and teacher. Perhaps my boredom and the quietness of wondering what battle is next for me is over... I think I've found a battle that seems bigger than me quicker than I thought I would (funny how that works)- I want my boys to learn to read and do basic math.

Pray for me to stick this out and stand in the gap for my boys.

If you have websites that offer free downloads in spanish that you recommend or have simple instructions for learning games to play with kindergarten, 1st and 2nd graders who struggle with sitting still, apathy towards homework, most have learning disabilities... I'm open to suggestions - so send them my way. post a comment or email me at ceburns@ufl.edu

Feliz Navidad

2010-12-25T17:04:00.006-06:00

Feliz Navidad everyone!! Enjoy some Christmas photos of some of my many children....

Jose - the model

my favorite 4 year old

not lying - he is OBSESSED with my florida gator christmas lights

Oziel and David - right before a pre-nap meltdown. not sure who freaked out more this afternoon - me or them? I've decided that i should invest in a white noise sound machine for naps.

And my athletic brothers - Adrian and Fernando who LOVED seeing a video e-card of their faces on the photos of elves who danced. Who dey

Merry Christmas!!

Chores

2010-12-17T11:38:00.004-06:00

If you do your chores, Caroline will give you a jawbreaker. Pretty much, this sums up how I deal with my older boys on Thursdays. They had a blast. And the floor got swept really fast.

Strength Will Rise...

2010-12-09T09:23:00.003-06:00

I have to admit that I've been a bit "quiet" on my blog lately. I spent a great deal of yesterday trying to figure out why. This fall has been a season of thankfulness for me. I'm just thankful... for so many things. I'm thankful for what God has done in my life to bring me to a place where I literally live on the side of a mountain and I serve orphans. I am thankful for my health and for the health of my family. For those of you who have been praying for my mom and remember my christmas photo that I posted last year of her bald chemo head - she recently received clear scans showing no cancer cells in her body. I am thankful for all of you who constantly surround me with support, prayer, encouragement and donations for my boys. I am thankful for the incredible changes that have happened in the last calendar year at Douglas. I am thankful that I was forced to move into Douglas and take care of 14 boys full time. I am thankful that I can work for Douglas multiple days each week now and that God was clearly training me this summer to be able to give the workers a day off. I have so much to be thankful for.

Last year felt like a war most of the time.... a nonstop battle to bring some light to places of darkness. These days though.... things seem calm and rather quiet. I find it interesting how loud and insane the fight can feel like but then when you arrive to the other side and the battle seems like it's over.... how quietly we move on without really celebrating. I'm sure many of you are familiar with the Chris Tomlin song that says that "strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord." I feel like I'm just waiting. I am waiting for whatever God has next in store for me. If anyone has ever lived that could tell of how faithful God is, it's me. He comes through time and time again. He answers our prayers. He wins the battle. When God created me, he filled me with a lot of fight - just ask my family. You say, "no" and I say "watch me." So now I'm hoping and praying that strength will rise as I wait...

Brown Bear Brown Bear what do you see?

2010-12-07T09:10:00.006-06:00

Few things this past Fall have surprised me more than my boys' new found love for reading. The other day, I went to Douglas to say hi to my boys because I had been gone for a week and I honestly just needed to kiss their sweet little faces. Oziel saw me and yelled, "CAROLINE!!!! You are going to take me home with you right?!" He was super excited to see me and automatically assumed I'd take him away from the orphanage. I told him no, not this time. So he immediately started jumping up and down with excitement and yelled, "Okay!!! You are going to read to me!!!!!!!!!!! Lots of books!!!!!" The 2nd best thing he can think of in his life - other than leaving the orphanage - is for me to read to him.... wow.
So of course we read about 20 books. They love Brown Bear Brown Bear what do you see? And The very hungry caterpillar and Dr. Seuss books.
At first, I only read to the boys when I was with them one on one. I was afraid the dorm full of hyperactive little boys would rip the pages out or color the pages. To my surprise, they respect the books and take turns sitting in my lap and turning the pages. They'd rather read books than watch my endless supply of movies.
My little man above can quote the entire book on command now. He says all the words right along with me as I read. It's nice though to know some "poetry" in spanish for when he's upset or wont go to sleep because it immediately calms him down and he laughs.

If you find some Veggie Tales books in spanish - the kids would love them. I only have one of those but it puts the Bible on a level they can understand. This week I will introduce Captain Underpants to the older boys thanks to my sweet friend who buys the boys books. Can't wait to see their reaction.

Mauricio and Lizy have a blog!!!!

2010-12-07T09:08:00.001-06:00

Mauricio and Lizy in Cancun have a blog!!! And guess what.... you can click on the flag for England and it will translate their blog into english. Incredible. Check it out.

click here --->> http://mauylizy.blogspot.com/

When they grow up

2010-11-19T10:08:00.003-06:00

The other day I was talking with an older teenage boy at Casa Hogar Douglas about what he wanted to be when he grew up. I said, "well one day you could go to high school and then on to college and study something. You could be part of the Hope Program and live at Back2Back. What would you like to be when you go up?" He said really honestly, "well you see it's hard. I'm the oldest of my siblings here. And I have this aunt." At this point, my heart sank and I knew what he was about to say. He was about to say that this distant family member who won't even visit him at the children's home, doesn't pick him up for holidays, or anything of that nature - is going to invite him to live with her as soon as he is old enough to work and help her out. That's exactly what he proceeded to describe. He is one of the few who never leaves the home, never has a visitor, and is a "double orphan" - as in both mom and dad are dead. He said that his aunt told him that as soon as he finished junior high school, he could live with her and work with her and help the family. He just kept saying, "it's hard Caroline." I've heard this before. And I said, "You know, you have options here. You are the one that is in control. The control is yours. I think you should talk to some of the boys that are already in our Hope Program and who are studying to get great jobs. A lot of them had the same hard decision to make when they were your age. Their aunt or uncle said that they could come live with them and work instead of go to college but they chose to go to college and now have way better jobs and now can help out their family financially so much more because they went to high school and college." It was as if he had never, ever thought of that option. Pray for him (name will be kept hidden for his privacy - these sweet children have little privacy - sorry) and for all the children we serve who are like him and have tough decisions to make that will forever affect their futures. Pray that seemingly selfish family members wouldn't try to take advantage of them in their desperation.

Answered Prayers at Douglas

2010-11-18T10:48:00.003-06:00

I just wanted to encourage all of you who have been praying for Douglas and especially since we as a staff team started asking for prayer warriors to cover the home in prayer last February. There have been many, many changes at Casa Hogar Douglas in the last 10 months and I believe that it is in direct connection to your prayers and all of you who committed to pray and fast for Douglas last February. I spend almost every day of my time here in Monterrey at Douglas. Sometimes, it's too easy to get caught up in my daily responsibilities of child care to reflect adequately on all God has done to drastically change Douglas for the better. God has sent a ton of new staff families - another one moved in last week. God has moved workers around so that there are awesome people in direct child care. He's given us a ton of shelter sponsors. We've been able to move a lot of the kids to new schools. Some of the kids are attending a school for kids with special needs in the afternoons and evenings. Their food is a world better because of the Shelter Program funds. They have hot water for their showers now that it's freezing and it's winter becuase of Shelter Program funds. The kids run and yell and practically push me out of my table when I get out the Shetler letters because they are so excited that maybe they received a letter. The church at Douglas now has a tuesday night youth group for all older kids. The biological families of the kids (if they have them) are being asked to be more involved with their kids and are visiting more often, staying longer and some are even taking their kids home for the weekends now. The Mexican government is getting more involved with the home and helping to regulate forms and programs to help the kids. Not everything is perfect there but a ton of changing and it's obvious to see how God has been moving at Douglas in these past 10 months.

Thank you for praying - keep your prayers coming. Here are some ways you can be praying for Douglas:

- For renewed energy each day for the workers to love and serve the kids

- For biological relatives of the kids to be more involved in their kid's lives

- For Javier - the director - to be a good leader and vocal

- For Jim and Betty (with B2B) to have good communication with the workers of the home

- For appropriate use of all funds to serve the kids in the best way possible

- For dentists and doctors to volunteer their time and services to serve the kids medically

- For tutors to help bring kids up to grade level in reading and in math

- For all the new workers - katy and Nacho, Isabel and Adrian, Lorena and her husband and all their kids to feel welcomed, valued, appreciated. For their ability to pour God's love into the kids, to be different than the other workers, to fight for justice on behalf of the kids and to always stand up for what is right. For their marriages and their families.

Thanks!

Te Ayudo?

2010-11-16T22:23:00.000-06:00

Today as I took care of 10 orphaned children from 6 am till bed time, I kept hearing things like, “I love you” and “te ayudo?” which means “can I help you?” and “don’t worry about mopping the dining hall Caroline – the older boys dorm wants to clean it for you because they love you.” That’s not super normal for me.

First of all, my boys yell, “I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!” a lot when they are angry about something. But only sometimes do they flip that around. Today I heard it more times in my direction than ever. Maybe me telling them so many times that I love them has started to sink in.

But it seriously just warms my heart when they say, “te ayudo Caroline?” They want to help me. It’s almost my 6 month anniversary from when I moved into Casa Hogar Douglas to start taking care of these very same boys. At first, I made it a point to do ALL the chores for the little boys (ages 2 to 6). I don’t believe that any child under 5 years old should sweep, mop, wash clothes, clean toilets, clean dining halls or anything of that nature. Thus, they haven’t done any kind of chores whatsoever in a while now- I don't even let them make their beds. But they see me putting their wet clothes on the line or taking it off and the folding it and putting it away and a few have decided that they want to help me. Whatever I’m doing, they want to do. They are so sweet about it too and so proud to say that they are helping Caroline. To say that I’m obsessed with them is an understatement.

I had to hold myself back from laughing today as a 4 year old ran up to me and yelled in his best angry voice, “that boy big stole my broom!! Get it back Caroline! I was sweeping.” One of the teenage boys has “relieved” the 4 year old from sweeping the dining hall and the 4 year old was mad about it.

Today, they behaved sooo well for me – unusually well. When I left, even the normally unaffectionate ones wanted to say bye to me and give me a hug and say good night. Hearing a room full of 3, 4, 5, and 6 year old orphan voices yell “bye caroline!! Good night Caroline!!” You are sleeping here right? Thank you!” is just about the sweetest thing on earth.

Food Day Costumes

2010-10-31T14:50:00.007-06:00

No this is not a halloween post but they are all in costume... so it seemed appropriate today.

About 2 weeks ago, I went to an assembly at the pre-school that my Douglas kids attend. It was like international peace for countries day and Mexico's national day of food. Thus, the kids dressed up like different countries or food.

Angel as olive, Fatima as a strawberry, Lidia as an apple, Marta as a strawberry, Alex as Africa, Oziel is corn, David is france, Marcos is a carrot, Jared is Japan and Aldahir an egg

This was my invitation from the school as their "parent"

My little king of corn

they danced around and were presented by class

Alex was africa. this is how his worker painted his face. I was expecting something more like a tiger face or african face mask when i gave her the face paint the day before.... but this was better. We told Alex that if he would sing "waka waka eh eh this is africa" when they introduced his country that we'd buy him a bag of chips but he didnt come through.

In the middle is david as France, Alex as south africa i think? and Sophia as some other country.

It was fun to be their mom for the day at school and make them feel special and take pictures of them like the other parents were doing. Oh how I love them.

My Ninja Turtles

2010-10-22T17:16:00.007-05:00

Growing up, I always loved the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I have all brothers and all boy cousins and I remember pretending to be ninjas and jumping off my brother's bunk bed. The movies were a bit scary for me- ask my mom... she had to once leave the movie theater early with me because the ending of the 2nd ninja turtles movie was too much for me at the age of 5. I remembered this when I was in the states this past August and buying every children's movie Walmart had for my boys and I bought a more kid friendly version of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. On the days that I take care of the medium aged dorm of boys at Casa Hogar Douglas, we often watch the ninja turtles movie. So last week, I told the boys how cool I was and that 2 years ago, I dressed up like a ninja turtle for a costume party and that the following week, I'd bring them photo proof.

Here is the photo of me and some other B2B staff at Halloween 2 years ago:

So.... I made masks for my Douglas boys too. Enjoy the photos. To my surprise, they were content to wear their new masks while watching the movie AGAIN and not ninja fight each other.

I sort of look like I'm in control here right? haha

Sign Me Up!!!

2010-10-10T11:43:00.002-05:00

This past week, I've spent a lot of time at Casa Hogar Douglas sitting with kids one on one as they write letters to their Shelter Sponsors. A lot of the kids at this home have Shelter Sponsors but about 25 still do not have individual sponsors.

A child who is rather new to the home came over to me and started asking me questions about the program while I was translating some letters into English. He wanted to know why only some kids receive letters and why only some kids write letters. Other little boys joined in the conversation at this point and took over for me with the explanation of our Shelter Child Sponsorship Program. One child started explaining that Back2Back has an office in the United States and that in this office, they have a list of all the kids and their names and their photos. He said that from that list, people who want to be sponsors can pick a child. At this point, the new child says, "okay well what do I have to do to get myself onto that list!?!" He was really excited about the idea of receiving letters.

Several more boys came over and started talking about the program and one asked what we do with the money that the sponsors send. We talked about all the 3, 4 and 5 years olds that are in pre-school at their children's home and that because of the sponsors, they are able to attend this new school, pay the school fees, buy uniforms, and pay for gas to drive them to school everyday. We talked about how this is a much bigger pre-school and will better prepare all the kids for first grade. I told them that they have hot water for their showers a lot of the time because of these sponsors. Then I asked a few of the boys who have lived at Douglas for pretty much their entire lives to tell us all about what food they used to eat at Douglas a year ago and 2 or 3 years ago. They said things like, "yeah we used to just eat eggs and beans and tortillas and nothing else. We ate whatever food was donated." On this day, we had eaten breakfast, lunch and dinner like kings - no joke... for a children's home.... we were feasting. We ate chicken with cheese and broccoli and mashed potatoes and had sodas and tostadas. So we talked about how different the food is now and how it's possible for us to eat so good now at Douglas. The quality of food served now at Douglas is a world better than in years past and this difference is obvious to the kids. They eat better because of the sponsorship program.

For me, it was super fun to hear the boys relay back their understanding of Back2Back, our office in the states, and our Shelter Child Sponsorship Program. But it was beautiful to see light bulbs going off in their heads and in their hearts as they started to understand exactly what a difference these sponsors are making in their daily lives. For the past 2 years, I've spent a lot of time praying for Douglas and for change and justice for those children. I've clung to Psalm 27:13-14 which says, "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. (and at Douglas) Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD." Today, thanks largely in part to this sponsorship program, I am literally seeing the goodness of the Lord at Douglas. I am seeing daily his provision for these children. Words don't do justice to how encouraged I am by this - they really don't. God is on the move at Douglas. For those of you who are Shelter Sponsors - THANK YOU. Thank you for the ways that you sacrifice to give to these children each month. You are making a difference.

Back2Back's Shelter Child Sponsorship Program began a little over a year ago. If you are interested in sponsoring a child at any of the children's homes we serve, please contact Claire Rogers at the Back2Back US office at claire@back2backministries.org or (513) 754 - 0300 ext 1704

their character is forever

2010-09-29T17:09:00.006-05:00

Many major events have occurred since my last post....

1. a Hurricane rocked us again and left me stranded at Casa Hogar Douglas for a night where I slept in baby Alex's bed

2. my attempts to celebrate my own birthday with the Douglas kids

3. I was hospitalized over night for a stomach bug, high fever and dehydration

If you'd like to read about part 1 (of 3) of my birthday celebration with the Douglas kiddies and the hurricane please visit Jessica's blog - she was there with me. She did a great job explaining what happened on the night the hurricane hit. It's worth reading.

I don't like celebrating my own birthdays - I don't usually make a big deal out of it other than making sure to watch the Gators beat Tennessee. This year though, I decided to make a big deal out of it - by lavishing the 67 kids who live at Casa Hogar Douglas with a steak taco dinner followed by some ice cream cones. They were pumped. But if you read Jessica's blog - you know what happened. My party fizzled. Hurricane hit. My steak didn't arrive. I was bummed but amazed at the same time at the outcome.

The Prep team for attempt #1 to eat my birthday dinner that failed. But good effort. The woman on the right - is related to the director - Javier and she cooked ALL day to make me 4 amazing chocolate cakes to share with the kids. I was incredibly honored.

Well next day rolls around - I'm scheduled to take care of the youngest boys dorm from 6 am to 8 pm. The wake up part was easy - I was in their room at 6 am when the alarm on my phone went off. I sent them all off to school no problems.

Lunch comes around - we are finally going to eat the billions of kilos of steak that I bought for the kids (part 2 of my bday celebration with the kids). I'm excited. The kids are rather excited. The bell rings for lunch and my boys decide it's time for throwing crying fits and to start fighting with each other. Marcos is literally screaming at me because I told him that he couldn't go to the dining hall if he refused to put his shoes and socks on (is that too much to ask?). Oziel leans in on Alex for the 2nd time that day to hit him and then bite him right in front of me. I had already talked very sternly to Oziel about this earlier. Few things at this point phase me with these boys but when they start biting each other and trying to slam skulls around - I get very very mad. They know when Caroline is around - absolutely NO biting. So obviously, Oziel was put in time out for 4 minutes. He immediately starts crying. He's tired. He's behaving HORRIBLY - much worse than probably I've ever seen. My group of 10 boys that day barely all made it into the dining hall. Remember - we are finally sitting down to my billions of dollars worth of steak. Yet, I am not happy. David starts throwing tortillas. Fernando insists on getting in my face so I can't eat my own food because then the attention isn't on him. I finally get everyone to calm down and sit down and eat their plates. Apparently, Alexis (age 6) looked at Oziel's (age 4) plate of tacos wrong and Oziel lost it. His anger fumed and he stood up in his chair and kicked Alexis in the face with his shoe on. So I picked Oziel up, took his plate and went straight outside with him. The rest of the dining hall of course is COMPLETELY CALM except for my sweet angels of the Lord. Oziel is screaming, "NOOOO CAROLINE!!! NOOOO!" He's crying. I'm not going to yell at him, I'm not going to scold him and give him a talking to in front of 67 other crazy kids. Yet he sure didn't want to eat his lunch outside on the picnic table alone. I told him he was not allowed back inside the dining hall because kicking people in the face inside the dining hall is absolutely not allowed. I leave him. He proceeds to scream and cry, "No Caroline! No Caroline! Outside No!"

I love Oziel as if he was my own child. I was disappointed. He and I get along beautifully. But he's not allowed to bite people. Or kick them in the face. I've been talking to the boys a lot these past few weeks about what it means to be "macho" or "manly." Being "macho" means that if someone hits you or says something mean to you, you have control. You don't hit them back. You tell them not to do that or say that. We say that it's "girly" to hit people because it shows that you have no control.

After everyone else finished lunch, I went outside for Oziel and brought him back inside with his plate so he could sit on my lap and talk about what happened while he finished his tacos. I proceeded to tell him that (part 3 of my bday celebration) after dinner that night we were going to eat ice cream cones because I wanted to share with everyone for my birthday. He is more than thrilled. They never and I mean NEVER get ice cream. But I told him that if he hit or bit one more - ONE more- person that day, he wasnt going to get an ice cream cone. He immediately burst out crying saying, "why caroline did you say I can't have ice cream?!!?" So we talked about it for a good 20 minutes - around and around the thought processes until he could grasp all of it.

He took a good hour and half nap after that - he naps like once a month. Go figure.

The bell for dinner rings. We are all lined up in front of the dining hall waiting for the prayer so we can go inside to eat. My boys know that if they finish their dinner plate, they'll get an ice cream cone. We'd talked about it all day. So naturally, my 10 boys were doing the ants in their pants dance and couldn't stand still to save their lives. Fernando (age 7) walks over to Oziel and slaps him playfully in the face with excitement about ice cream a good 6 times. Oziel starts fuming and huffing and puffing. I was holding his 3 year old younger brother at the time but yelled at him from 15 feet away, "OZIEL DON'T HIT HIM!!!!!! YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU HIT HIM!!!!" and he stopped to look at me for a second or two and didn't hit Fernando. I ran over and celebrated that like the gators just won ANOTHER national championship. That's why I spend endless hours with these boys. Oziel's character, what kind of a man he will be when he grows up is a massive concern of mine. I want them to know right from wrong. I want them to have self control. I want them to feel secure. These boys struggle with everything - especially beating up on one another - they take their frustrations out on whoever is closest. It's brutal. But it doesnt have to be like that.

We ate dinner. It was AWESOME (part 3 of my bday celebration). They mixed the left over steak with potatoes and it was amazingly tasty. The ice cream cones were a hit. Everyone loved it. And I was thrilled. I finally had something HUGE to celebrate. I even got seconds on the ice cream. Oziel didn't hit Fernando - Praise the Lord.

Isai and Jose - loving it

My little grandpa man - David - the baby model

Oziel EARNED that ice cream

Discussions about the Lord

2010-09-18T18:16:00.002-05:00

Lately, I've found myself having TONS of spiritual conversations with my kids.

They ask me things like:

"God has boyfriends right?"

"God is in heaven and he can't come down here."

"God loves everyone right?"

"Is Jesus still alive? Or did he actually die?"

"Is God a boy or a girl?"

"What does God say?"

We've recently had many conversations about how God is all powerful and can do anything He wants. God is omnipresent and can be in a million places at once. We've talked over and over again about the trinity - God is three persons and that is confusing. But God is the Father, Jesus is the son, and the Holy Spirit lives inside the hearts of all those who have Jesus as their Lord and Savior. We've talked about how God loves each and every one of them so so much and that they are God's most favorite child. God loves everyone but especially them. No matter how many times I say it, they still want to say that since God is loving, that means He has boyfriends. The idea that God can be in heaven and on Earth at the same time is throwing a few of them for a loop but we've talked a lot lately about how we can talk to God through prayer. We talk about how God is in control when they are scared in the middle of the night in a dark orphanage dorm and that He is with them.

I've never been a mom before but I'm quickly learning that life is a Sunday school room of sorts. Every moment is an opportunity to point to the Lord. Lately, He's given me a ton.

Growing Weary

2010-09-14T11:38:00.002-05:00

This past week, I've been struggling to not grow weary in doing good. When it is a worker's day off at Casa Hogar Douglas, I'm there to cover for them and take care of the kids. I agreed to do this 3 days per week and cover 3 different dorms. I know how exhausting it can be to care for these sometimes very difficult children all week. I learned first hand how important a day off is if one is to appropriately have the patience to love these children 24 hours a day when I lived at Douglas this summer. The desire of my heart is to see these kids receiving loving care everyday. It's critical that workers have a day off and time away from the kids to recharge. So this year, I've made that my mission. Last week, somehow that turned into me covering for 4 different dorms. To the kids, I'm sort of like the fun grandma who comes when mom leaves and brings fun movies. They taunt kids from the other dorms and brag that I'm watching them that day and not the other. Guess that makes me feel loved? These kids need some attention.

I have to admit, I'm exhausted. I show up at the children's home at around 5:45 am to get the kids ready for breakfast and school and I come home to my apartment between 8 and 10:30 pm. I've found myself complaining in my head about how I'm tired and should be sorting donations or responding to my emails or actually eating or resting because I've been sick for a few days or that maybe I dont actually like all these kids so I shouldnt be there. It's all lies. 100% lies from the enemy. When I had to go to the states for 2 weeks to raise support for this upcoming year, I cried almost everyday because I missed my kids so much. I still get upset when I have to leave the kids at the children's home and drive away for the night. Yet at times, I find myself growing weary.

Weary is often how these full time children's home workers feel. Most are single moms who ended up at the children's home after unfortunate life events, not by choice. Pretty sure that wherever you are today, there is a single mom near you who could really use a pick me up and some help. Maybe you could offer to watch her kids for the afternoon so she could nap or run errands.

"We must not grow weary in doing good for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9

Please say a prayer tonight for the workers at these homes - for their energy, patience, ability to rest and pour into these children. They are my heroes.

David and Oziel's Birthdays

2010-09-11T13:00:00.014-05:00

My sweet orphan boys don't all know how old they are. They don't know when their birthdays are or if it is their birthday, they don't know "how many" they are going to have on their next birthday. They don't know because they don't have a mommy or a daddy who is going to remind them and celebrate them. But my boys know or will learn this year because I am making a huge deal of their birthdays after I saw firsthand how difficult a birthday week can be for an orphan this past summer while living at Casa Hogar Douglas.

In the past 10 days, I've celebrated 7 birthdays at Douglas - some celebrations were bigger than others. Below are photos from 2....

David turned 3, is now potty trained (or really close) and started pre-school last week. He can say in spanish, "one, five, THREE!!!" before he jumps on something or wants to have a countdown. His pre-school teacher obviously has some work to do but I'm thrilled that he has started big kid school. He's starting to be a bit more vocal and says things like, "a que NOOO!!" when he doesn't want to do something.

For his birthday, I brought him some happy meal toys, 2 balloons which he immediately filled with water and threw with joy, and some play doh.

David was the lucky recipient of my cousins' old truck. He puts the shapes in and out of the truck bed.

Oziel turned 4 on thursday. I was working on his actual birthday and taking care of the boys dorm at douglas for boys ages 8 - 11 and I could not adequately spend time with him on his real birthday. Oziel has a Shelter Program sponsor family and they sent some money down to buy him a birthday present which I gave him on his actual birthday. But for you blog readers and for those of you have been here to Monterrey, you know by now that Oziel owns my entire heart. Spending one hour with him on his birthday playing with his new toys was just not enough for me. So I asked for permission to spend all day Friday with him. We had a fiesta day and did whatever my little man wanted to do.

First, we swam in the pool and shot squirt guns.

Oziel got his happy meal toys present from me - complete with all his favorites: marbles, stickers, 4 balloons, hotwheels and his current favorite thing on the planet- a Hulk action figure

Balloons complete his life

We watched movies in 3D

Oziel won on the monster trucks game on N64

He wanted ice cream so we went to McDonalds for happy meals and ice cream. As we walked out of McDonalds he proudly declared that he was going to spend the rest of his life at my house. This is a sensitive subject for him and honestly for me too. I love him so much and I hate that he lives in a group setting with group bath time and group meals and group everything. I explained that he was just playing at my house for his birthday and that we didn't have permission right now for him to live there forever. But as we got in the car, I told him my idea - we'd ask permission for him to spend the night. If they said no... he'd have to go back to his dorm and his brothers. Well they said, "YES!" He was soooo excited. He asked if he could sleep on my "gator couch." He loves gators. Obviously God picked out this child just for ME. I found him some PJ's while he found some more frogs and proudly showed them off to some of the other B2B staff. He literally jumped around with glee as I made up his bed for him.

This little 4 year old puts himself to sleep. When he is tired, he asks for a bed and just goes to sleep. After some Scooby Doo and after we read "Hands are Not for Hitting" (he struggles to be nice sometimes- I don't blame him), he put himself to sleep. He let me sleep till 7:45 am till he screamed, "CAROLIIIIINE!"

We watched more Scooby Doo at his request, played with his new toys and I started cooking breakfast to which he said, "what are you doing?" I said, "I'm cooking breakfast for you. I'm going to make chocolate chip pancakes. Would you like that?" He gets excited about a lot of things but I think the thought that I was personally cooking for him was obviously more exciting than any toy I've ever given him - this still shocks me. He kept saying, "you are cooking for ME?!!?!?!? Oh yes Caroline!!! Yes Caroline!" Then when we finally sat down to eat, he started by eating all the chocolate chips off the top. Then he realized that there were more choc chips inside the pancakes to which he asked before each one, "is this a bug or chocolate?" Only a child who has lived in an orphanage or on the street would ask that question.

Fernando turns 7 this Sunday. Happy Birthday!

My Frog Princes

2010-09-10T10:49:00.006-05:00

It's the rainy season now here in Monterrey and all this rain is producing a ton of frogs for my sweet boys to seek out, find, trap, hold, throw, and put in their pockets. At 6 am the other day, I was getting 10 of the boys ready for breakfast and school. One of the boys had gone to his drawer and pulled out 3 dead frogs and placed them strategically in a row in the changing room on the counter so I'd find them and freak out. It worked.

Gustavo with a mom and a baby frog

Jose and Luis ran around all afternoon with these 2 frogs to give everyone "besitos" or kisses from the frog prince. I came around a corner holding a 3 year old and they caught me off guard and frogs smacked me straight in the lips. There was no avoiding my "prince"

at Alondra's XV reception - the boys refused to stay out of the rain and join the fiesta. Instead, they chose to hunt for frogs in the rain with their juice cups. I thought this was hilarious and took pictures instead of telling them to get out of the rain.

Isai with 2 babies

I can't seem to avoid the frogs. The boys always have one or two in their pockets, dead or alive. Yesterday, I was rocking a 3 year old to sleep so he'd take his afternoon nap. I knew he was finally asleep when I heard the frog he was holding fall to the ground. Good lord.

That Kind of Legacy

2010-09-03T12:55:00.002-05:00

"I want to leave a legacy

How will they remember me?

Did I choose to love?

Did I point to you enough

To make a mark on things

I want to leave an offering

A child of mercy and grace

Who blessed Your name unapologetically

And leave that kind of legacy" -- lyrics from "Legacy" by Nichole Nordeman

I heard this song yesterday on one of the only english radio stations I can pick up in my car around the B2B property - God planned this one just for our staff I think - it's a Christian radio station from McAllen, Texas. I was returning back to Casa Hogar Douglas to be ready for when my boys came home from school. Yesterday was my day this week to fill in for the full time workers so they could have a day off.

I was struck by the line, "did I point to you enough." My motives for why I serve these kids can be mixed sometimes. Sometimes, probably more often than not, I spend hours with them simply because of the way I feel when I'm near them. They make my heart melt. I love hearing them say my name, their hugs, the way they try to sit really close to me on the couch, how they laugh when I scrub the bottoms of their feet. Sure that probably sounds like an acceptable reason to love on orphan children... but why am I here? I was reminded of how important it is that I point to the Lord when I'm with my boys. How often do I point to God when they ask me questions or when they are crying about something or when they want to know why there are new workers or when they can't sleep or when I tell them for the 100th time that day I just love them to pieces?

A few days ago I started reading a book that I picked up at the Summit of the Orphan called "Castaway Kid." It's written by a guy who was orphaned at age 3 in an American orphanage in the 1950's. The book is his life story, what he was feeling, the lies of abandonment that he struggled with throughout his whole childhood. The details that he could remember from his 3rd and 4th years of life are haunting to me. Half of my boys are that age. They are going to remember a TON from this time in their lives. I have the opportunity to point to the Lord in ways that they will remember forever.

During lunch yesterday, I was by myself with my 10 boys, sweating horribly from the heat with a 2 year old on my lap who was about to pass out. It took a lot of patience for me to just take a deep breath as Fernando got into a fist fight with Luis over crackers and Jose Daniel sat underneath the table and threw stuff at everyone with Oziel screaming and Alex calling everyone else bad names. Loving them with patience is a battle most of the day if I'm honest. At lunch, did I point to the Lord in a way that will make a mark on their lives?

When Fernando tells me he loves me and calls me mommy do I take that opportunity to tell him about how much God loves him?

Other lyrics in this song talk about blessing God. I spent a long time yesterday trying to figure out what in the world it would look like to "bless the Lord." How does one bless the God who created us, mountains, beaches, the sky, heaven... who gives us breath and life .... who has placed me in a position to snuggle with 3 year old orphans for hours on end whenever I want???? Seems pretty ridiculous to me to try and bless God. He blesses us.

We always have opportunities to point to the Creator, our sustainer, our provider - God. I want to point to him ENOUGH.... how much is that?

The Best kind of Bath Time

2010-08-31T11:38:00.009-05:00

Casa Hogar Douglas has found itself without water for the past 2 days. This happens time to time due to power outages or if something big and expensive breaks. Regardless of the cause behind the lack of water, the effects are often stinky in the little boys dorm. So yesterday I offered to bathe whoever they wanted over at the Back2Back property. Of course, they gave me without question the 4 youngest boys who did not need to spend the afternoon doing homework.

These boys need a bath everyday... without question - EVERY day. They literally had dirt all over their sweet little faces. Marcos hit Oziel in the car on the way over and Oziel was very angry. The 4 minute drive from Douglas to the B2B property always feels like an eternity with the little ones in the back - who are SUPER excited, didn't have a nap, and dirty.

my sweet dirt covered Oziel

David (above) knowing exactly where he's going - the B2B pool

DONATION NEEDS: if you live in the Cincinnati area OR are coming down for a trip with B2B anytime this year - we really really need little BOYS swim suits - sizes 2T, 3T, 4T and 5T. It's the end of summer - maybe they are on clearance at Target or walmart or your own kids are out growing them? These children's home kids also think that the sun-guard swim shirts are about the coolest thing on the planet. (we really do NOT need girls suits- we have millions of those for some reason. we have NO boys suits). If you have some and want more specifics in how to get them here - leave me a comment or email me at ceburns@ufl.edu -- GRACIAS

Transitions

2010-08-26T19:42:00.007-05:00

The month of August involves many changes and transitions for most of the children in the children's homes Back2Back serves, the teens in the Hope Program, and our staff. This August, Casa Hogar Douglas has seen new workers come to take care of the kids, new children get dropped off, kids start school again, 12 of the youngest kids are now enrolled in a different school and a completely different homework/tutoring program has begun. The Hope Program has welcomed 10 new students from 5 different children's homes. August can also be a bit crazy because most of our American staff go to the states for a week or two to try and raise support for the next year.

Right now is definitely a big transition for me. I'm not the primary care giver for my 14 this month. There is a new staff couple to take care of them. I've been over there everyday since I've been back though. The kids are kind of confused. They want me to bathe them, brush their teeth, sit with them, play with them, and put my movies on for them. I'm trying to walk the fine line of respecting the new workers yet being there for the boys. By this weekend, I think I will have worked out the specific hours and days each week I'll be doing child care at Douglas. For now, I think I'll be in charge of one dorm each day when it's that worker's day off. So I'll learn how to take care of GIRLS as well- i'm confident that has GOT TO BE EASIER than boys. My only desire is to see the kids getting the hour by hour care that they need. However I can help make that happen, I'll be happy to do.

But it's kind of strange right now. I'm trying to back off and wait to see what the new workers need or want help with. Today was a "good day" for me in this transition period because I got to spend the entire day with my kids somehow. I woke up to find my 2 year old on the B2B property and needing someone to play with him. We watched Veggie Tales in my apartment and ate animal cookies. He was stoked. The photos below are of our morning play session...

I went over to the children's home in the afternoon because we were told that 3 new little girls were about to be dropped off by their mom. That didn't turn out to be true but it meant I got to spend hours with my boys while we waited. I got to snuggle them and bathe every single one of them. I even cleaned up the dorm a bit. I've been eating most days at Douglas with the kids... I need to work on better meal planning for myself.

Best part of my entire day was realizing that Oziel, who was sitting in my lap as I rubbed his back.... was holding LIVE BUGS in his hands and then killing them when he felt like it as he watched spongebob. That child - I love him so very much. I told him that bugs were really gross and holding live bugs in your hands was yucky and he said, "no it's not! Look! I killed them."

Please pray for me:

1. that God would clearly show me how I can best use my time each week to serve the kids in a way that uplifts the other workers

2. that my car would get fixed really soon. Hurricane Alex seems to have destroyed my transmission. Found that out today. Maybe I'll buy a bike at walmart? Seriously considering that.

3. For the new workers at Douglas - that they would feel appreciated, supported and energized.

The love of Christ

2010-08-16T09:22:00.004-05:00

"In The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis he is trying to show us that what God uses to awaken desire is not necessarily what we've been longing for. The things "in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things... are good images of what we desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself, they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself." They are not what we are longing for. It is not that specific man or woman we desire, but what they point to, what is coming through them. They are a picture of what we long for." ~ from Walking with God by John Eldredge.

I read that last night with uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. My 14 boys faces flashed in my mind. I thought of the immeasurable love that God has given me for each one of them in the past few months. I absolutely long to be with them right now as I'm still in the states, away from them. I love them. But perhaps, God has used these precious orphans so show me how much HE loves ME with some tangible, in my face examples that I can understand. You see, when I look at Oziel for example, I straight up just melt. I adore him with my entire being - all his imperfections, the ways he bullies the other kids, and yells at me because he doesn't want to bathe. And that's exactly how God looks at me. God sees my imperfections and loves me obsessively anyways. God longs to be with me when I don't want to pray to him or spend time with him.

Ephesians 3:16-18 has entirely new meaning and depth to me today, "I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ."

I need YOUR help

2010-08-10T11:38:00.003-05:00

Hello Blog Followers....

Thank you for visiting my blog or for being one of my blog official "followers." These past couple of months have been radically different than the rest of my first 2 years living and serving in Monterrey. I'm LOVING the opportunity to provide more full time child care for these kids and looking forward to whatever this next year has in store for me... wherever I'll be living, whichever kids I might be caring for and in whatever capacity. Stay tuned because in about 2 weeks, I think I'll know more of what that will look like...

I'm currently in the states to try and raise financial support for the next year. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN JOINING MY SUPPORT TEAM, EMAIL LIST, OR PRAYER TEAM.... shoot me an email at ceburns@ufl.edu and I'll send you all the information you need.

Thank you and God Bless!

Fields of Grace

2010-08-08T11:52:00.005-05:00

This week, I'm in America. Yesterday, the thrill of my day was shopping for my boys in Walmart. I bought 8 new DVDs for them and some fake converse shoes which they think are the absolute coolest. I miss them. Go figure. Today in church, we sang the song about "dancing with my Father God in fields of grace." I thought about the lyrics as we sang and all I could think about was what do "fields of grace" look like? What does that mean? There is a book about orphans titled "fields of the Fatherless." And then I thought about my fatherless little guys and all the many hours I have spent in the fields, literally, with them trying my best to give them grace when I'm exhausted, in pain, hungry, thirsty and annoyed. If you'd like to "dance" with God in some fields where there is much need for extended grace - come on down to the Douglas fields. The lost boys will be there. They like to collect bugs and put them in coke bottles and then release them inside my dorm when I'm not looking and they refuse to not stand in the ant piles.

Consumed and Broken

2010-07-28T21:42:00.002-05:00

Confession:

When I'm apart from them and close my eyes, I see them - their sweet faces, their longing eyes, their desperation for their family. I can't get them out of my thoughts, prayers, my conversations - 14 little boys are consuming all of me.

If I'm not with them, how do I know they are okay? Are they crying? Did someone hit them or steal their hotwheels? Did they wet the bed? Did they get a hug today? I have no idea if I'm not right there with each of them. So I wonder - how does their real biological mom feel? How can she abandon such a beautiful little boy full of imagination, affection and feelings? As I long to be with each one of them when I'm doing some work project or at some other children's home, I feel 1 ounce of the longing they feel for their mom everyday. They wonder if she will ever come back or if they did something wrong and that's why she doesn't want them anymore. My boys carry a lot of pain. Their hearts are heavy and in some you can just see it in their eyes.

God is my supply and my joy. He fills me up with his love until it overflows. And my heart just aches with the love God has given me for those boys. He lovingly created each one of them. You hear a lot of times in Christian circles that you should "guard your heart" in relationships sometimes. I've heard that phrase recently more than once in reference to my kiddies. But I'm just going to say this - so hear it - I'm pretty sure there is not one place in scripture that says we should guard our hearts from the orphan child. Nope. Doesn't say that anywhere. Isaiah 58 says I should spend myself on behalf of the poor and oppressed and then my light will break forth like the dawn. The more I feel myself spending myself on behalf of these sweet abandoned boys, the more I feel God lighting a fire in my heart to spend more time with them and the more I feel God meeting my every need. Hearing Oziel or Israel laugh hysterically or Alex say "your grandma poops" or David try be a tough guy against an 8 year old or Gustavo tackling me or Marcos not screaming or Miguel saying "I love you" or Alexis' smile - that fills me.... more than enough than all I need.

Dear Jesus, I do NOT understand how their moms could abandon them. Lord God I pray that you would make a way for these boys to not have to spend their entire childhood in an orphanage. I pray that you would restore them to their biological families or that you'd make a way to give them a real family with someone else. Jesus bring people to these orphanages that will raise them like a loving mother would. Come to them God - hear them and lead them out God in ways that only you can. Calm their hearts and comfort them when they cry themselves to sleep at night longing to be with their real family. You have not nor will you forget them. Protect them from the enemy who wants to beat them down even more. Be faithful to them. Amen.

I moved out of Douglas

2010-07-23T13:02:00.012-05:00

The time came about 2 weeks ago for me to move out of Casa Hogar Douglas and transition back to working with our American teams for the rest of the summer. Many of my boys were able to go home for a few weeks of their summer break off school with grandma or their aunt or some their mom - whoever was able to bring them "home" for a bit. During this time, the number of children at Douglas is less and the need for workers also less. Thus, I was able to leave my post as full time care giver.

Leaving them as not exactly been easy for me. The first 2 days away from them, I cried pretty much constantly. I thought I'd be excited to have the opportunity to eat and sleep like a normal person but instead, I just felt like a fish out of water. I've spent these past 2 weeks trying to live in the moment and realize that God has marked my days out for me in advance. He knows what is next for me. He knows what is next for my boys. I've been fixated on Hebrews 12:1 which says, "let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." God is determining the path and I just need to walk in it. God knows whether or not I will move back in to be with the boys again in August or September. Perhaps, God has someone else in mind for this task.

6 out of my 14 boys have no one to pick them up and they are still at the orphanage. They are now living with another worker at the home until school starts back up again in August. To assist her, I've been going over to Douglas every evening after dinner to bathe the boys, brush their teeth, help with laundry and put a movie on for the kids on my DVD player.

The first week after I left Douglas was not particularly awesome for my 2 year old who made it very clear that he was not fond of the recent care giver changes. He is part of the reason why I've been going over every evening.

On my days off from groups, I've been able to spend some awesome intentional time with 4 of the boys who had no where to go during "vacation." We've had days at the pool, lunch dates, we went to the movie theater to see Shrek 3. My 3 year old decided that he'd rather watch the movie from the floor next to me than to sit in his seat at the movie theater. I didn't argue with him. He's rather feisty and can be incredibly loud in public places. He was super content with his juice, chips and bag of candy that his favorite Caroline brought for him. He screamed with glee when he found 2 bubble gums in his candy bag. Honestly, I think he wouldn't have cared if we went to the movies, so long as I gave him 2 bubble gums. I like to think that I did not waste $20 taking them to movies. The older two at least thought it was an awesome way to spend a rainy day.

gangs all here! at the movies to see Shrek 3

looks like a really bad pop rocks ad don't it? or for dentistry services. yes he has a grill

playing who can drown their brother first

i bought ice cream and cones for douglas for after dinner the other night - and afterwards david could not stop running back and forth, back and forth screaming with joy

perhaps Jose makes a better model than Oziel?

David

David pulling a stage 5 clinger and me - looking rather ugly haha

a RARE moment when Oziel corporates with anything- here he smiles for a photo with me. except that's not entirely true - he almost never says, "no!" when I ask for a hug.

if i had to display one photo to sum up this kid- this is it right here. I am absolutely obsessed with this little 3 year old about to be 4 years old in 2 months, yelling, bullying, laughing, joyful, bug eating, fist punching, nose picking, snuggle ball. On this day, he didn't really feel like swimming- he mostly wanted to sit to the side and eat chips. This child does what he wants, when he wants... unless it's bath time and then there is no fighting me. I win every time.

School is out

2010-07-16T12:14:00.007-05:00

School officially ended for all my boys about 2 weeks ago. My dorm had all the boys in preschool, kinder, 1st and 2nd grades.

Jose Daniel graduated from kinder and will go on to 1st grade next year. He had a graduation ceremony and had to get all dressed up. We found out about this ceremony a good 15 minutes before it was scheduled to happen - but he was very excited to go and this was the only day of my 5 weeks with him that he gladly cooperated in getting dressed for anything. He kept saying, "they are going to give me prizes because I graduate today." Upon hearing this, everyone else decided that they would also like to go to school today as well. Except no one else had school that day except Jose.

Sammy, the b2b intern who was helping me that day with the boys, attended his graduation ceremony as his "parent" while I stayed behind with my other 13 boys. The thought that his mom didn't even know he was graduating that day broke my heart or the idea that he'd have to go without anyone to celebrate him and take pictures of him. Jose is a huge fan of Sammy and I'm pretty sure that if he had to pick someone other than his mom to attend - he would have asked for Sammy. I was super thankful we were with them that day and able to make a big deal out of his big day and be his substitute "mommys."

3 of my other children were invited to attend a "good grades" party. My boys, I've learned, aren't exactly excelling academically. But regardless - I was happy to see something positive associated with doing well in school. Back2Back has received a significant amount of grant money recently to help this particular children's home academically and we've now been able to hire special ed tutors to come several times a week and even one full time staff member who will tutor children full time and advocate for those who need to attend schools for children with special learning disabilities. I believe all of heaven is rejoicing with the news of this upcoming blessing that will truly change these children's lives.

Cesareo won this HUGE truck that is larger than he is. The boys took turns

driving it around the dorm all day and hiding lego men inside it.

Luis won this clock which he proudly hung up in our living room by the TV

Isreal (striped shirt) really brought home the bacon. He had the 2nd highest grades of ANY boy, any age from the ENTIRE children's home. That same morning before they told me that he was going to a good grades party, he was practicing multiplication flash cards in front of the TV... so I wasn't surprised. He won this awesome indoor play tent. The boys went crazy with this one - taking turns sitting inside or putting all the pillows inside.

Who smells?

2010-07-11T11:45:00.002-05:00

Oh sweet Oziel how I love thee... let me count the ways.

This past week we lost power every night almost on schedule at around 9:30 or 10 pm. We'd be stressing a bit between 7 and 8 pm just to make sure that every child was bathed before the power went out. Why? Because after 12 or 13 hours of being crazy little orphan boys - my kids are really stinky and dirty. The thought of putting this kid to bed without a bath is frightening to me.

And besides - I love these little boys more and more with each passing day and I just want to hug them and love them all day - and I really appreciate it when they are clean even if only for 5 minutes if they are going to continue to jump all over me and I'm going to kiss on their chubby little cheeks.

I learned that when the power goes out all night - orphan kiddies dont usually sleep well. In fact, most of them were awake almost all night either yelling at the other kids to wake up so that they don't have to be alone in their fear, or crying because they are scared, wetting their bed because their night light for the bathroom doesnt work when the power goes out or a whole list of silly reasons why Caroline doesn't sleep AGAIN.

(thanks for the photo megg)

Hurricane Alex - Rio 3 Update

2010-07-05T16:29:00.008-05:00

Yesterday, I went out to Rio 3 with Jim and Betty to deliver food, water and clothes. I asked Olga how we could help her and what she thought was the most important things they needed. She had a lot to say:

The Night of the Storm and flash flooding: Olga said there were some 500 plus people crammed into the church because the water came up over the lip of the community and took out everyone's shacks along the river. She described a stampede of people and livestock running towards the church. She ran outside though against the stampede looking for certain children. She kept praying and saying, "God these are my people. I need to find my people." She did find the children she was looking for and ran back into the church with 20 some children following her. She laughed inside saying, "is this some kind of movie I'm in?" She was worried because many of the dangerous men from the community were inside the church and she wasn't sure if riots or fighting would break out in the middle of the night. But she said, "God you have brought all of these people here and you have a plan and you will lead us out."

Currently:

Most people's homes are gone. Everything along the river is gone. There are 5 families that belong to her church and are faithful members who have lost everything - their homes, clothes, everything except each other. They (about 35 to 40 people) are now permanently living in the church until they can arrange for something else. Most nights anywhere between 60 and 140 people are sleeping on the floor in the church. Last night it rained for the second night in a row and over 120 people slept on the tile floor.

Reconstruction:

People immediately began squatting on land and claiming it as their own. The men refuse to leave their area in fear that someone else might claim it. The women and children are running around trying to find building supplies in the rubble, clothes to wash and food which they then bring to the men. This process blows my mind. Standing out there- it looked like the photos I saw of Haiti post earthquake. Olga says that she is not going to get involved with construction because it could cause fighting and riots. She's trying to keep the peace.

Olga's daily struggles:

Olga is currently feeding 500 plus people 2 meals each day. She is struggling to maintain the amount of food and water she needs to feed the people and to have enough - she says if she runs out - riots could occur. She is also providing people in the community a place to take a bucket bath and then she provides them with a change of clothes. No one has anywhere to put any donations she might give them- they carry around a grocery bag and that's it. So she just takes their dirty clothes and hand washes I guess and gives clean clothes to the next person.

Her words for us- I told her I'd send an email to our american friends:

She says, "thank you so much for what you do. I thank God for ministries like yours because you are doing what the Mexican government refuses to do. You are helping these people. I thank God for the American groups you all have brought to teach my congregation what it means to share and to serve others. I've had many conversations with our church members who now have nothing and are having a hard time wanting to share what God is bringing to our church with the rest of the community and especially with those on the other side of the river who come across for help. Your groups have shown them how to serve others. And now I'm asking them to follow in your example and serve this community."

How Back2back is currently helping:

Jim and Betty have been out everyday at least once a day - some days many trips - to bring drinking water and food. We've brought out a ton of donations - clothing, sheets, towels, shoes, diapers, feminine pads and every single travel size toiletry that's been donated in the last 4 months. They are very useful right now. Today Jim tried to go out and buy enough yoga mat type material to cover the entire church floor for all those sleeping there. I believe Back2back is donating 30 or 40 mattresses from the LDM as well.

Pictured above is Olga. Pray for her. She is the woman we stand back to back with in this Rio community. She hasn't slept in many days I think (but she looks super awake in this photo which was taken 3 or 4 months ago)

This is the usually dry creek bed that is the Santa Catarina River that became a monster in Hurricane Alex. It ripped through the city of Monterrey - and destroyed the homes in Rio 3 along the river. For those from the McCollum group - this is where we had that soccer game - it's now underwater.

Another shot of the "dry creek." TONS of water rushed through areas like the rio communities we serve and came up over people's homes - destroying everything.

It was shocking to me to see people EVERYWHERE trying to claim their land and rebuild in the mud with trash and whatever they could find laying around. Everyone was digging through the debris and guarding their "land"

The aftermath at Rio 3 - all the homes are gone

This is the exact spot where we would walk groups down to see the river and pray for Olga - now there is nothing

People digging through the trash trying to find anything that could be used to rebuild or old clothes that they could hand wash and wear

How you can help:

Please pray for Olga. She's exhausted but trusting in God to provide and to keep the peace.

If you feel led to donate to our relief fund to help communities like this one and if you'd like to donate online, please click on (or cut/paste into your web browser) the following link https://donations.back2backministries.org/ and indicate your donation for “General Mexico Needs.” Donations by checks payable to Back2Back Ministries should be sent to: Back2Back Ministries, P. O. Box 70, Mason, OH 45040.